I remember always being alone. I had some friends when i was a kid but that was purely related to them living near by or being in the same class. I was put into a special class which i cannot think of something as a class for students who needed special care. i have ADHD and didnt give a darn about school since it was just stupid for me. I wasnt dumb. It was just boring as heck. I didnt get anything about history in school but nowadays im so interested in it that i wathc history documentaries in my spare time. While others are partying, getting laid and having their wild times im sitting in my home alone, watching youtube all day, read books and articles and being a nerd. Once when a teacher asked me in front of the entire class if the glass is half full or half empty because i never agreed on one particular thing, i straight up said, “Depends on what is inside. If its medicine i want it half empty. If its coke i want it to be half full”. In my eyes that was important to know. Instead of having a discussion with me they said that they cant change me anymore. They didnt even think about why i would say that. I get the feeling that people expect me to be like the rest of society and be “normal”. A part of me wishes to be that way to but then i know that i would lie to myself and just be a drone that is a cog in a system. I dont want to be outside the machine. I want to be a cog in the spot i want to be surrounded by like-minded cogs with whom i can talk about the things that truly interest me like literature, philosophy, history and all the other stuff that. I dont want them to be snobish douchebags who think that they are something better but just people who show an interest in that and share opinions, viewpoints and ideas but i think that i can do that. I want to feel like im in a society where i belong and can be myself without feeling insecure about. Dont know what to do.