I’ve been with my gf for a little more than 1.5 years now and for our entire relationship she has not orgasmed once. She doesn’t come during piv which I am absolutely fine with (I obviously know not everyone can come during that). However, she never lets me finish her of with my mouth or fingers either. When we do have foreplay it always seems like a means to an end to get her wet enough for me to go inside and nothing else. Whenever I eat her out or finger her she will interrupt me after a couple minutes to go inside, and when I want to keep going a little longer she will deny or say she doesn’t have the patience to go much longer. She can’t even tell me what I could do to make her come since she has never masturbated and refuses to try it (she as never had an orgasm in general).
When I talk to her about it she is not responsive and says that she is afraid she will squirt and make a mess (I have explained that female orgasms don’t mean squirting but to no avail) or that it would take too long and she doesn’t have the patience for it.
I don’t really no what to do anymore. I just want to make my gf feel good in bed and share some deep experiences with her instead of every sex feeling like a quicky.
6 comments
She’s obviously super uncomfotably sexually, you pushing and getting upset isn’t going to do anything but make that worse. This is where in a healthy relationship you would have an adult conversation about her needs, amd your wants and needs, amd try to work on them.
#1- How long does foreplay go on BEFORE you start touching her vagina?
#1a- like when you first touch her vagina, is she already wet?
It’s probably weird, but I’m the same as your gf. Honestly sex feels good regardless. I don’t know if I can give you advice, but I feel most comfortable if he doesn’t push about making me come. If she says she enjoys it, she might get more comfortable with time. It’s definitely been easier for me.
Some women simply don’t care for having orgasms and it doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy sex. So if you push for something she isn’t asking you for. Then you are just doing it to make yourself feel good.
My ex was the same way. She hated oral sex, fingering, etc. But this same person also enjoyed dp, gangbangs, and rough sex. Because she got off on seeing other people use her for pleasure.
> and when I want to keep going a little longer she will deny or say she doesn’t have the patience to go much longer
So is the problem her not orgasming or not letting you eat her out longer?
> she is afraid she will squirt and make a mess (I have explained that female orgasms don’t mean squirting but to no avail)
She could be a squirter. So for her orgasm could mean squirting.
She might feel like she has to pee when she gets close and doesn’t want to take that risk.
You can offer to put towels down.
If it’s a trust issue, there’s a possibility that you hold her hand while she pees in the bathroom as a way to build trust. But don’t push this idea on her if she’s not comfortable with trying it.
> I just want to make my gf feel good in bed
This might sound crazy, but she might actually like sex the way it is. Look up orgasm denial or even the subreddit femaleorgasmdenial, there are a lot of women who enjoy the sensation of intense build up and prolonged denial. Now in her case she hasn’t had an orgasm, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make sex good for her as is.
If you want to go down on her longer, or if you want something different, that’s okay. If you’re worried she won’t like sex going forward you can tell her that. You can ask for things for your own sake.
She sounds like me (up until the part about never having an orgasm). Some women really do want to get off their partner and don’t really care about getting themselves off. I even understand her being self conscious to try around you. But she definitely shouldn’t be afraid to try when she’s alone. Maybe if you get a vibrator for her she can try it when she’s alone and you can also use it with her. I just think she’ll have to get comfortable doing it alone before she will be able to be comfortable doing it with another person (you).