To elaborate on my title, when I hang around individual male friends, we will make some conversation, like talking about our day, sharing memes, talking about video games we like, ect. But that doesn’t last the entire time – most of the time when I hang around my guy friends, we are kinda just chilling and not saying anything. I wouldn’t really call this awkward silence, because its not like we are trying to talk but can’t, rather its because we are just doing something together like playing a video game, or just chilling in someone’s room doing our own things. Even though we don’t talk, the presence of each other fills the void that being alone brings – or at least for me.
But even though I like these small moments of us hanging out and doing our own thing, sometimes I get worried and insecure when I see those same friends hanging out with other guys, and they seem to just be chatting away about stuff. Being the person I am, I have difficulty coming up with things to say, so unless I’m in a group setting helped by others, I cannot hold a conversation for too long. It makes me fear that my friends might find me boring and prefer to hang out with more interesting people.
I will say this though – the friends I have don’t seem to dislike me or not want to hang around me. If I initiate, they seem willing to hang out, and sometimes they even come up to me and initiate. On one hand, this makes me feel more confident that our friendships are genuine, but the fact that they can talk to their other friends more easily makes me doubt that, so sorry if I seem very torn on this.
How are your male friendships like? How much do you guys talk about? Is it normal to just hang out in the same place, or doing the same time, without saying anything and just acknowledging each other’s presence as friends? I want to know if this is a normal thing among guys.
8 comments
I host a guys night every month and we all talk about our successes, challenges, and everything in between.
It’s an awesome evening to unwind and vent.
There also may be a little whiskey, too.
I’m at a destination wedding where I know literally no one and I’ve been having amazing convos with literally everyone I’ve met
I suppose we’re just hanging out… but I don’t know what more is needed
In regards to your post, people need different friends for different reasons, and it’s entirely possible that your friends like being around you precisely because they don’t feel pressured to make constant conversation. I always take it as a sign that I can be confident a friendship is real if they’re regularly accepting my invitations to spend time together.
To answer the question, my guy friends and I always talk when we’re hanging out, but our hangouts usually involve getting together specifically to talk about stuff. When we’re doing an activity, we don’t talk non-stop.
One on one we talk non stop. I have a lot to say lol
You’re describing the difference between shoulder to shoulder, and face to face interactions. One isnt necessarily better than the other just a different type of hanging out.
We rarely sit in silence
I go out with the guys a few times a month. One of them is very talkative and if there’s a lull he keeps things going.
>I get worried and insecure when I see those same friends hanging out with other guys, and they seem to just be chatting away about stuff.
I have the same feelings about hanging out with them..because right at the moment I only have guy friends (female friends used me for their purpose so I don’t talk to them now) and sometimes I feel that because I’m a good listener they always tell me almost everything (and that’s a great thing that they trust me) but I get the feeling that even they are using me to vent out their feelings because they know I will listen to them. And whenever we’re hanging out and some of the boys(that I don’t know but they’re friends with them) I feel lost and left out, they sometimes forget that even I’m sitting there and listening. And when I initiate conversation with the new guy they tell me to stay quiet (I’m am introvert so I don’t usually start conversation but that doesn’t mean I won’t at all) and that hurts me because it feels like they don’t want to make more friends from their mutuals. Sometimes I even think about our friendship like is it worth the time and efforts? Will this come to an end or will be lasting? Am I good friend? Ate they a good friend? Do people judge me because I only hang out with guys? For now I have decreased the no. Of times we hangout not only for my insecurities but also that my exams are near (honestly this is just a reason to not hang out?