My ex (f22) and I (m22) were together for 4 years. We had lived together and we had a child who just turned 1. About 5 months after he was born, she broke up with me. At first I didn’t understand why but I do now and I’ve apologized for what I did (I was somewhat emotionally manipulative and abusive. I wasn’t trying to be). But after about a month she got with another guy that makes me think she was unfaithful. So I’ve just been in constant emotional turmoil over this since July. At this point, I want what’s best for my son and I know a huge part of him being successful can be from having a home with both his mother and father. I still love her and i dream about her every night. And I really think this other guy is just a sort of rebound that she thinks is what she needs. I really want to find a way to open a channel for me to see if she’s even open to the possibility of reconciling, but her being with this other guy feels like such a roadblock. Of course I want her to be happy first and foremost, but I never got any closure. I would do anything to make sure she is happy and safe but at the same time her happiness shouldn’t come at the expense of mine. How can I even start this kind of conversation to probe the possibility of reconciliation?
1 comment
By your own words you were emotionally abusive. She has moved on, she didn’t cheat, she just found someone else. Even if she did cheat, what does it matter now. You truly want what’s best for your son? Then figure out how to coparent. Let her live her life without your emotional manipulation. You getting “closure” will cause her pain. You trying to break up her relationships will cause her pain. You are only focusing on your happiness at the detriment to hers and you are using your child to justify that.
Get some therapy, work on yourself, and accept that the romantic part of your relationship is over. Accept that you can coparent in separate households or sign away your parental rights.