I recently matched with a girl where we seem to connect pretty well! Things are getting exciting when she suddenly stops replying for 2 days. Bummer, I thought, cause I really thought we had something going on here.
Suddenly I receive a message saying that her dad’s at a hospital with a bad heart and it’s not looking too well, and that she’s been feeling too much stress to write anything. She also said that she really like chatting with me and that she usually does not just stop texting if there isn’t a reason.
Knowing this is a delicate topic, I told her that I wish her and her dad all possible good, and just generally trying to soothe some of the mental strain while not being toooo close since we haven’t met.
Now, it’s been 4 days since I wrote that and I can only take her silence as a, sadly, negative sign. Not directed at me specifically, we still have the match and judging by her words she’s not usually silent for too long… I think she’s still interested in me but with all the stuff happening in her life rn I understand why she would prioritise differently.
Now I’m not sure how to approach this. Is it too soon to try and contact her again? Would it be appreciated to check how she’s doing or should I wait for her to text me? Is it bad *not* do approach her? I’m not sure… This is hard. I understand there is probably no “right” answer for this but would like to have some of your opinions.
10 comments
Let her reach out to you. She’s got something a lot more important going on than continuing a Tinder conversation.
This is a rough situation. However, she knows you’re there and that she can reach out to you if needed. You don’t need to remind her you’re around – she hasn’t forgotten. My advice, keep her in the back of your mind but continue to go on dates. Wait for her to contact you, which hopefully she will. Sounds like you’ve done everything right. Ball is in her court.
Leave it to her, you’re probably the least of her concerns as some guy she’s just been talking to on an app & hasn’t met, if and when she’s in a better headspace, she’ll get at you if she wants
Let her contact you. She reassured you once now let it go.
Your only approach should be no approach.
Ultimately, you’re just some random guy on an app. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you are anything more. You haven’t met and have no true connection to speak of… Do not make any contact, if everything works out OK and she’s still interested, she’ll reach out.
Went on a date with someone who just had a lost. It didn’t go well. Giver her some time. Maybe send her a friendly text in a month or two to see if she is still interested.
I would ‘write her off” and if she comes back great if not well you’ll have moved on.
Try and send her a message again. She gave you that license by apologizing for not messaging back and giving you a good reason why. Four days is a reasonable interval to let things cool down in her life. Because you guys have been texting for a long time, I might try escalating- i.e. suggest a phone call. Worst case she unmatches
I wouldn’t wait for her to message you- in my experience that never, ever, ever happens. I see this as a low odds/nothing to lose type of situation. Also kind of weird how other commenters are acting like this is a consent issue or something where she told you not to contact her. Just give it a shot.
Maybe I missed something in your post that she said but if it were me and I would give it at least 10-14 day before reaching out again. This is largely an arbitrary number but maybe it gives you some frame of reference.
Show support and offer to be there for her if she needs, but otherwise tell her you’ll wait to hear back from her when she’s ready and leave her alone. Either she reaches out or not.
Personally, if I was going through something like this but I also had fun talking with a potential match. I think it’d be sweet and show initiative and interest if the guy texted me after a few days to ask how my dad is doing.