This could possibly be something a lot of us with “bad social skills” face, and I wanted to address this because this may give you guys hope.
I always consider myself to be someone with bad social skills. Super awkward at times, not knowing what to say or how to accept a compliment and definitely awkward silences while conversing with me. This in turn led me to not have many friends. However, on the flip side I alway noticed something else…
I rarely actually WANT to social and be social. Usually doing the bare minimum to get by in any social interaction. Which once again leads me to having little to no friends. But this week I realized that being good at socializing is directly tied to wanting to socialize.
Thursday and Friday of last week I was in the mood to socialize ( which only happens a few times a month honestly ) it’s honestly a night and day difference. I work in retail so talking to customers is pretty common, but because I DON’T want to socialize I’m a lazy ass conversationalist. Very boring and bland with no personality or any effort shown, but when I actually WANT to social I’m a fucking social monster. I mean I’m telling ACTUALLY funny jokes, witty comments, a very bright and vibrant personality and a good ass mood and vibes to boot. I also have HIGH confidence when talking and say things I normally wouldn’t due to fear of being judged.
Last week, I was feeling so social that me and couple had such a good conversation at my job that they both added me on Facebook and invited me to hang out this Thursday ( Tonight) and meet their friend group. BOOM! I instantly got new friends. Then the next day I asked a girl I’ve been crushing on for her number and she gave it to me! Neither one of these things would’ve happend if I didn’t feel like socializing. Normally I have so much social anxiety, but whenever I’m in the mood to socialize there’s just no stopping me. I’m charismatic and friendly, but I feel like a different person because this RARELY happens. ( I’m talking like 3-4 times a month). I can carry a conversation amazingly and I have no fear.
Maybe I’m doing something that makes me act this way? I don’t drink or do drugs and my lifestyle has been the same for years, so I’m not sure why that happens but it does! Just something to think about, guys. Maybe you do have it in you but you’re just never in the mood. How to get into this mood every day?
9 comments
Hi there, that explains me to a T…I constantly put mine down to brain fog or confidence issues when conversing with someone I just don’t know what to say most of the time and don’t want to be social then a couple of times a month I can be super social (laughing, joking and be super confident) I don’t know what it is but trying to figure it out knackers me out lol….your not alone in this!!
It’s also tied to other people. Wanting to socialize does you no good if other people don’t want to socialize.
I don’t know, I feel I often want to but don’t have the energy or just feel awkward or uncomfortable. Last night I was going out with my flat (I just moved in on Monday) and just didn’t really have anything to say and the other times were ignored. We got pretty drunk towards the end but even then I wasn’t the social monster I would want to be.
I like talking to people with similar interests. Not into talking to every random person, do that all day at work.
I find that I can sometimes get into a social state of mind if I’ve had a cup of coffee in the morning or I’ve exercised that day, but I have the same problem, I’d like to have the energy to socialise but it’s often just not there. It’s genuinely like I’m two different people depending on what mood I’m in. To be honest I think a lot of it is tied to my sleep cycle, I’ve got very poor sleep habits and if I’ve only had 6 hours then I will come off as pretty grumpy even if I don’t intend to be.
I want to be more social, and actually mean *want*. I just don’t know how. I have been alone for 10+ years.
Once I realized how much I dislike other people I stopped caring as much about what they think and became more open about letting my personality show through which in turn made me more approachable, which in turn made people be nicer to me and now I like people a little more.
The fact of the matter is, you have to go with the mentality that no matter your mood, you gotta just do what is most best for yourself even if that means making small talk with someone to practice your social skills when you’re depressed and have little energy you gotta just fake it until you make it. If you wait until you’re happy to be social, you’re still gonna have bad social skills if you don’t practice enough, so waiting for the perfect moment is never gonna work. This is coming from someone that doesn’t take prescription meds and I deal with depression a lot and really wanna end my life a lot, but things got better for me using what I said to you all. So you can do it too guys. Don’t give up.
YES i def relate to this. I used to think I was socially awkward until I realized I just didn’t want to socialize in particular moments. So then I was forcing myself to and trying to be social, when my body didn’t feel like it, and *thats* what made me come off as awkward, not because I am. I’m actually pretty socially affluent. But when I don’t want to be I can’t force it or I’ll be awkward and struggle to navigate. Just about separating that from my understanding of myself AND not forming any beliefs about myself from these scenarios!