My wife and I have been together for 6 years, and during that time, she’s rarely ever had sex that didn’t hurt her. We aren’t sure why this is, but it’s definitely an element that can strain our relationship. She suspected endometriosis but that was not the case. We aren’t sure exactly what it could be, but I know that she hurts a great deal literally every time we have sex. It’s to the point where I feel like I should not try to initiate because I have no desire to hurt her.
She also says she doesn’t really get aroused anymore, regardless of anything I do. I know this doesn’t help matters but it has always hurt her regardless of arousal.
I’m at something of a loss here and I know she is too. If anyone has any ideas, I’d be happy to hear them.
5 comments
There are a lot of things that can cause pain during sex. I’m assuming you’re doing sufficient foreplay and getting her off first and using lube?
For possible medical causes – the sub FAQ has a short list of things to look into. Also, The book The Vagina Bible by OBGYN Dr Jen Gunter has a chapter on medical things that can cause pain. Those two resources are a good place to start.
Check those out and then she should definitely ask for a gyno referral. Pain during sex is not normal and some of the medical causes are very treatable with things like estrogen creams or pelvic floor therapy.
Try without PiV? It shouldn’t hurt
Could be Vaginismus, among other things. Her gyno can help.
It could be lichen sclerosis or just scar tissue from micro tears.
I had painful sex for years until a 3rd GYN diagnosed me. Lichen Sclerosis is an auto immune skin issue that is not contagious, but can make sex painful. Ask her Dr. about it.
Have you considered PCOS?