sooo i (f17) was going through a lot the last months, leaving my abusive house and having to rely on myself while juggling my last year of pre medicine and dealing with recently diagnosed depression. i self isolated completely for 3 months, i only talked to one person but that’s because i saw her at school. we didn’t talk much on text. i didn’t have the energy to be on my phone much and i posted a private story (which only had my close friends obv) explaining everything and saying ive disappeared cuz i was going through a lot, didn’t have the energy for people, etc and my friends all saw my story so i assumed it was all good,,
someone I’ve known since 2018/2019 blocked me a few days ago. i had said hi to her then noticed my text on whatsapp hasn’t been delivered for a few days so i texted her on facebook to ask if she deleted her whatsapp. she opened it right away and ignored the text. an hour later i sent a follow up text and asked if im blocked and i got ignored again. i sent her 2 paragraphs of apology and explained that i was going through a lot and that i ghosted everyone i know, and told her that i never meant to hurt her. she ignored it and i assumed something was wrong on Facebook so i texted her instragram too, wrote another paragraph and got ignored.
i might be wrong for saying this but im honestly hurt that she saw me going through what i did and never bothered to send a “how are you” or asked if i needed support. i didn’t blame her, but i honestly expected her to at least understand, and she always reassured me that she did anyway, she always said that i didn’t owe anyone my time and that it was okay if i disappear. when she was doing her last year of college, i also went months not hearing from her and i just understood that she was busy. i never once got upset, and now I’m kinda hurt someone I’ve known for so long just blocked me and isn’t responding to my paragraphs
am i in the wrong here?
11 comments
Might not be the answer you wanted to hear but just like how you had the right to not want to talk to anybody for 3 months, that person also had the right to be fed up with reaching out and getting no response. How was he/she supposed to know you were going through anything? Ghosting for 3 months is very rude. You shouldn’t feel bad about it because you were going through a lot and have bigger things to worry about, but at the same time society has decided this is a rude thing to do.
You asserted your boundary, she accepted this. Now she has asserted her boundary, time for you to accept this.
Op I am sorry you are going through this :(( you attempted to contact her as well as apologise. There is nothing more you can do about it. I think it’s better to leave the friendship on this note rather than talk and create more issues.
You may have been going through a lot but if you haven’t let others know what is going on, they will think you are simply being nasty to them. You said you ghosted you friend (not replying to msgs) but also said she didn’t ask you how you are or anything up. That bit is confusing. Communication goes both ways. Look at it from your friends point of view, you go radio silent and how do they feel or think?
I went through something similar, I’ve learnt to accept some people only want you around for their convenience, alright maybe you could have texted? That’s a fair argument, but a more important question is why would she let you go through all that alone? I’m so sorry. I don’t have the best social skills but I feel like letting go would be less painful in this situation
Just like you don’t owe anyone your time , she also does not owe anyone her time. I am sorry you went through a hard time but you also must understand she might be going through something as well.
As someone who has been your friend in this situation, I can understand the feeling of reaching out and getting no where, it feels awful, you feel disregarded. No communication leaves you to make up your own scenarios or decisions in your head about why you are being ghosted or treated differently to how you were previously. As you basically put it “I’m kinda hurt someone I’ve known for so long isn’t responding to me” this is how your friend would have felt as well.
Ultimately I don’t think either of you are right or wrong to feel the way you do. Could you both have handled it better? Definitely. It’s just one of those messy social situations that hopefully both of you will learn from and navigate better in future.
Best of luck to you and I hope you are doing better or will be doing better once your schooling/home situation calms down.
Maybe she is self isolating and it doesn’t have to do with you.
Unfortunately when you ghost people they don’t just cease to exist, they feel hurt and ignored and not valued, just like how you feel right now.
Can’t even say for sure whether it is the age that makes you act like this or being so delusional is your personal flaw. Either way, you’d probably benefit a lot from reflecting on your own behaviour and learning to accept mistakes instead of shifting the blame to others.
P.S. You absolutely are the one responsible for whatever happened between you 2
You were going through something, and still may be healing. You don’t owe anyone ANYTHING. You put yourself first for you mental health and that is SO important.
Your REAL friends would have A) Been there for you and checked in on you during this time and given you space if you needed it, or B) forgiven you if they felt hurt by the distance, after you explained why and what happened.
Do not waste your energy or mindspace on this “friend” a mature person wouldn’t have blocked you in the first place. You tried to communicate and fix things and they did not reciprocate, it’s all you can do. Concentrate on you and your future and the people that are with you now. Friends come and go unfortunately but you will always have yourself. There’s so many wonderful people out there that would love to be your friend!