Is something wrong with me? I’ve been single and on dating apps for 2.5 years and I no longer find men attractive.
What used to turn me on, now turns me off.
(i.e strong muscley arms)
The thought of intimacy with men terrifies me.
What happened to me? I don’t want to be like this. And I wasn’t like this in my 20’s. I’ve dated conventionally attractive and unattractive men in the past. So I don’t understand what is happening to my brain. Am I becoming asexual?
37 comments
You’re becoming someone who should talk to a therapist about this rather than Internet strangers. I can assure you that there’s nothing wrong with you though. You’re great as you are.
Happens.
Try and work on being happy, and see if your libido returns.
Good luck.
I’m 33 as well and in a transformation period. I used to date both men and women. Now, neither interest me.
I think once I complete some of my big goals this year, what I’m looking for will shift once again, and I’ll be able to identify more clearly what interests/suits me.
There’s nothing wrong with you. Take this break to see life through a new lense.
This is going to be a very personal question, but are you very busy at work or something so maybe that’s where your mental and emotional Energy is being spent?
Is it possible that you are overly focused on and consumed by work or something else to an extent that it leaves little mental energy for thinking about men / dating?
I’m hitting the same stride. Just focused on purchasing a home and don’t want to add anyone to my life to ruin what I have going. Seems like too much of a liability to get involved with anyone these days and I’m just completely disappointed and burnt out.
It’s because people are gross.
You might want to look into the brakes and accelerators system of sexual desire. Emily Nagoski discusses it in her book Come As You Are, and in her podcast: [https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/come-as-you-are/the-science-of-horniness](https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/come-as-you-are/the-science-of-horniness)
Basically, it’s normal
30M I don’t wanna date anymore
Nothing is wrong with you. This is completely rational as most people in general are gross. Try to make friends with men first and eventually if something grows from there, so will attraction. I refuse to date now. I want to make platonic meaningful relationships without the preconceived notion that it could lead to anything. If it does I will not force it and see what happens 🙂 much love friend you’ve got this
You mention in a comment that you’re not working right now and are feeling sad. Loss of interest in romance is pretty typical of situational depression. I know you’re worried, but maybe don’t read too much into it until your day to day life stabilizes either by finding a job or getting help or both.
I’ve been struggling with work and health for a year and haven’t been interested in dating at all. I occasionally see people I think are cute so I know I’m not totally switched off but I don’t want to do anything about it at the moment.
My main suggestion is to not put a lot of pressure on yourself for feeling the way you feel. I don’t think anything is “wrong” with you, this is just where you’re at right now. It could change.
Omg girl ME TOO. What is going on I’m scared lol
Are you depressed? Asking as that happened to me when I was.
you’re jaded by OLD. take a break.
I’ve been this way my whole life, and when I do finally find someone attractive physically it ends up being a toxic relationship. Le sigh
Yeah I’m going through this at the moment. Only exception is that the men I find physically attractive usually don’t want to date me seriously lol. *cries*
I’m right there with you. I’m about to be 37(f) in April. Dating (and people in general) just doesn’t appeal to me anymore. Lonliness doesn’t effect me anymore. I’m cool. It’s not that I can’t find a partner it’s just that everytime I focus on someone they end up showing me why I’m better off alone. Therapy helps tremendously. I have my family and my pets so I’m good. I hope you feel better soon 💜
My tastes changed overtime with more experience. My question is why are you terrified by intimacy with men? To me that suggests some things but I’d like to ask you first.
probably depression, and honestly give dating apps an extended pause.
if you don’t have a social life where you can meet people organically, you should work on building one.
Tell your gyn. You could be experiencing a problem with your thyroid or pituitary gland. Are you experiencing other changes related to your overall gynecological health?
Leave all social media for 6 months. Put your phone down. Take a break from dating. Give yourself a year alone.
I feel similar. It’s pretty rare that I feel attracted to someone. I am still healing from a breakup but I think even when I’m emotionally healthy I still won’t be attracted to many people.
It doesn’t help that 95% of the guys that try to match with me on OLD are very unattractive. It’s rare that someone somewhat attractive mat he’s with me. And they generally don’t give me anything to work with, they’ll just like a picture or something. Nothing to start a conversation with, so I get bored with that.
Come off dating apps, they’ll warp your perception of things depending on your neurological make up.
I’m a man and I feel burned out from dating. I mean i still find women attractive but I don’t even want to date them or have sex or anything. Just want to be alone.
Your perception of what is attractive changes as you age. What you liked before, is no longer attractive, but that doesn’t mean that you just aren’t attracted to *anything* anymore. Explore, look around, see what catches your fancy. You may not like big muscles anymore, but maybe you’ll like a gentleman in a dapper suit. Maybe you’ll like other genders instead. Maybe like me, you’ve learned that the type of person you were attracted to is actually super toxic and now that you can see the toxicity and narcissism, it’s a huge turn off.
How long has this been? It might just be temporary. I also go through phases of being repulsed by men. Especially the ones on dating apps.
Humans maybe aren’t meant to have some innate attraction to photos of people or imagining a life with strangers on the fly. I think we find it much easier to develop attraction to other people who we’re around or interact with regularly. Propinquity breed attraction. Becoming familiar with a new group of people might spark something.
That happened to me around that age. I thought the part of me that could feel attraction had died or shriveled up. The I met someone while out with friends, and we had a great conversation, and I suddenly felt attracted to him, and it’s lasted.
Your priorities have shifted, a sign of growth, so shallow characteristics just won’t do it for you anymore. It’s okay, it’s a good thing, it just feels different.
You wouldn’t happen to be on SSRI’s for depression…would you?
34m, similar feelings.
IDK if it’s a weird lasting side-effect of covid, fallout from the mental-health aspect of lockdown, baggage from the last bad relationship or whatever, or a combination of all three.
Hoping it will pass, if i can manage to start taking care of myself. It probably will, and probably will for you too.
I (39f) never found that many people attractive — I think the term for me is demisexual. I could tell that people around me were objectively attractive but I was not attracted TO them.
The number of people I am attracted to has continued to diminish to the point where I go months without being attracted to anyone I meet.
I have also lost my interest in sex. I used to have a high sex drive (but always low attraction) so I used to have sex with people I wasn’t attracted to (idk just to get laid).
It is frankly kind of weird and empowering to walk through the world with sex and attraction not playing a role. I don’t do dumb shit for cute guys anymore 😂. It currently feels like a superpower.
If it distresses you, then absolutely seek treatment, but you can just embrace it as a season of your life that might not last for ever.
That sucks, and honestly, sounds like you’ve been through a lot. Your feelings are valid, especially if you’re feeling bad about it.
For what it’s worth, I’ve been through a lot in life and I’m worried it’s tarnished the way I feel about intimacy in particular. I’m kind of dealing with it, but I’m buried under a mountain of work that tends to get in the way. I really want to fix that aspect of my situation right now.
Take care of yourself, sister. I don’t think you’re alone.
As others gave said, I think your underlying emotional state has a strong link to what you’re experiencing.
I’ve been dealing with a boutique of depression and have struggled to find women I’ve dated attractive as well. To be specific, I can recognize they’re attractive, but I don’t feel anything. Like I used to feel drawn to women I found attractive, and lately that just hasn’t been happening.
In the past, I felt like maybe I was asexual when it turned out I was actually just super depressed.
I also recently questioned my attraction to men, and then moved to a different place and realized it was the men I was looking at that were the problem.
I find my level of finding other people attractive is directly related to how attractive I view myself at the time. If I’m feeling sexy and flirty it’s because I’m feeling good about myself. If I’m feeling withdrawn, it generally because I haven’t given myself enough love.
I’m in my 30s and I’m a guy. I’m kinda in the same boat. I find women attractive but not attractive enough to pursue them; don’t want to deal with the unnecessary BS of what dating is now a days. I’m comfortable being alone in a relationship sense but sometimes i miss the companionship. Maybe you’ve just become numb to being single
You just have seen enough of what men are capable of. Welcome to single life!