how do i tell my friend that i get upset because of her inconsistent communication/texting?

one of my best friends has the most inconsistent communication behavior that i’ve ever experienced. with most of my friends, i feel like i’ll get a response from them in a timely manner (24hrs – a few days depending on the context) 95% of the time. with this particular friend, it feels like there’s a 50/50 chance that i’ll get a response.

sometimes, there are periods where she’s Very responsive, meaning we’ll text back and forth all day about random stuff. sometimes, there are periods where we’ll respond to each other maybe once a day or every other day if it’s more of a long conversation. then there are times when i just do not know if or when she’ll respond. she might respond immediately and then take 4 days and then she’ll respond the next day, then maybe a week.

i don’t see her very often because we live far apart, so our main form of communication is texting. i’ve tried calling/facetiming in the past, but it didn’t seem like she wanted to continue doing that. this has really been bothering me because i feel like our frequency in communication is in her control and that makes me anxious.

most recently, i’ve been frustrated because it feels like she’s initiating the conversation, but not continuing it. it makes me feel like we’re not actually talking to each other and it feels really weird.

for example, this has literally been our “conversation” for the last month and a half:

her: do you have any plans this weekend?
[in the same day, we have a conversation about our weekend plans]

—a week passes—
me: how have you been this week?
(hours pass and i start to get worried because the last time we talked, she told me she has been feeling really sad)
me: are you okay?
her (responds immediately): yes, i’m okay. sorry
me: thanks for letting me know. just wanted to check in

—a week passes—
her: how are you?
me (same day): hey i’m okay. how are you doing?

—a week passes—
her: how are you doing? what have you been up to?
i responded the next day telling her what i’ve been up to and i asked her the same question

—a week passes—
her: are you okay? how are you?
her: (vague comment about a book i told her i was reading)
i tried to continue the conversation and again asked her how she was doing

—a few days pass—
her: (vague response and asked me how i was doing)
i responded the next day, saying i was fine, and tried to again continue the conversation

—a few more days pass—
her: (a vague response to something i said two weeks ago)
her: how have things been? what have you been up to?

i’m yet to respond because i feel like i’ll answer, then she’ll respond a week later asking me how i’m doing again lmao

normally, it doesn’t bother me when people don’t respond to me. i just feel like this style of communication is really weird. it feels very sporadic and robotic and every time i ask her a question, she doesn’t answer it, which makes me feel like she doesn’t want to share her life with me. maybe i’m reading into it too much, but i feel like i get my hopes up when i reply because i’m thinking, “hey, maybe this time she’ll actually respond and we can have a conversation.” then each day that i don’t hear from her, i feel like that hope is getting squashed. so now i haven’t responded because i don’t want to get my hopes up.

i understand that this is mostly one sided and in my head. i appreciate that she is reaching out because it shows me that she does indeed care even though she can’t text all the time or have a conversation. maybe, when she texts me, she does want to talk, then by the time i respond, she no longer wants to. that’s fine. i don’t blame her for not texting me all the time. it’s just that i wish she would communicate with me and tell me that she isn’t able to. for example, if she just told me, “hey i’m going through something right now. i cant talk, but i’ll reach out when im feeling better,” that’ll be fine. but the fact that she keeps coming in and out and asking me how i’m doing without continuing the conversation has been so annoying to me.

this is not the first time i’ve addressed this with her. she has told me that she is a bad texter and she is trying to improve, but she just gets overwhelmed by texting. that’s totally understandable to me. however, this is the first time i’ve seen her text like this and it’s been making me so mad.

how can i address this with her?

tl;dr: friend initiates conversations via text, but doesn’t really continue it, then responds days later by starting the conversation over. how do i explain to her that this really upsets me without making her feel bad or guilty?