What is the best way break a traumabond with someone who is clearly not good for you (someone who you are still in a relationship with)? How do you leave? And don’t look back?

8 comments

  1. I just got up and left. I’ve been on a trip with a partner who had been mostly fun, but occasionally very rude and thoughtless for over 2 years.

    We took a trip together and on the way back, he began screaming at me at me, he was driving recklessly coming that scared me a lot. His menacing Behavior made me feel threatened.

    We had to spend the night at his house before I made my 2-hour drive home to mine. He told me to get out. But it was late at night so I just told him no. He calmed down so I just went to sleep.

    The next morning he t4hought the fight was over and we were going to have makeup sex. Instead I put on my clothes picked up my bag and walked away. He didn’t even have to ask. He knew it was over then.

    It didn’t take any courage to walk away. I was just so done with him. I was financially independent. So I didn’t need him for anything

  2. It took me two years (we had already been together for 7 before this) of up and down, dragged out misery full of breaks, tears, and abuse to finally get there. Then (a year ago today, actually), he started yelling at me in the car and something just… snapped. I knew I needed to get out. I look back on that as the moment I finally broke the trauma bond.

    As for actually getting out, my mom came down on the holiday Monday of this weekend while her was away and I broke down and told her I couldn’t do it anymore. No questions asked, she and the rest of my family rallied to get me out. My parents loaned me money to pay off debts and put a deposit on somewhere else to live since financial abuse prevented me from doing it on my own. My friends helped me find things I needed. My sisters came down to help get my apartment ready. They stocked it with the basics out of their own pocket. When the day came, one of them took time off work to help me move everything but my furniture out while he was at work. My best friend waited at my new apartment while I told him I was moving out and left.

    Without all of them, I probably wouldn’t have gotten out. It sucks but it’s the truth. They gave me the support I needed to find the strength to get out. I had so many doubts along the way and they always talked me back down. I’m grateful for them, because they were right. Now I never look back, and I’ve never been happier.

  3. I just blocked her for good this time. I only gave her one chance. I just need to switch to a different service cause I’m on her family plan 😵‍💫 (my sister)

  4. Well. He initiated the break up but he didnt want me to leave our place. He made this huge plan of separating our spaces in order for me to stay because the thought of me just disappearing was too much for him. Plus, he made a majority of the money and had the car. I had and still have nothing really. So he was scared that i wouldnt be okay and he wanted to make sure i still would be. But when it hit me that i felt more like a fucking pet, i spent a whole night on the internet looking for open rooms to rent and moved out the following weekend. Idk how to describe it. Feeling less than a human worthy of respect just cut any bond we might have had together and made the process of moving on from him way easier.

  5. If it’s too hard to make a sudden break, start spending more time with your friends. Make your other relationships stronger and center your life around other people so that once you do leave the toxic person, you do not feel lost and without an anchor.

  8. The most impactful thing for me was getting professional help, which is how I found out I was deep in a trauma bond in the first place. Having a therapist to keep me accountable was HUGE, but that only works if you force yourself to be honest during your sessions. He was like my no-contact personal trainer 🤣. After two previous failed attempts at walking away, I realized I didn’t have the strength to get out of that shit on my own, so i enlisted his professional support. To say it was a humbling and humiliating experience is an understatement, and only with the insight of a therapist did I learn that I was traumabonded to my ex via pervasive intermittent reinforcement and other problematic behavior despite our unconventional relationship that never involved physical abuse.

    If you have time, I HIGHLY recommend reading the following books:

    * The Betrayal Bond.
    * Why Does He Do That?
    * The Gift of Fear.

    Good luck to you.

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