So I (F36) have been with my partner (M59) for 6 years and 6 months. Our relationship started out amazing but now it’s up in the air. I work full time as an auto/home insurance customer support rep but also get paid from my state (in the US) for 21 hrs a week to take care of my fiance. I’ve had this job since 2019.
My partner has agoraphobia, PTSD and bipolar 1. I have schizoaffective disorder, BPD, CPTSD and an ED. I’m getting overwhelmed because my fiance is often demanding and controlling. IE:can’t wear skirts, can’t go out to bars, can’t have my hair in weird colors and if I even get a tome with him about his controlling nature, it’s all for my safety and I’m painting him as the villain.
My mom likes him but thinks he takes me for granted. FWIW, she’s been right about every boyfriend I have had.
He’s also anti LGBTQ+ whichi tried to deal with but I can’t.
And the last time I tried to leave, we had an altercation.
I definitely used to be the issue with my alcohol and being a straight cunt. but now I think the roles have changed. He’s said off the wall stuff in the past about manipulating people. I do love him. Just do not know what to do. My mom says leave, my friends say leave. Trauma bonds are for real.
11 comments
It honestly sounds like you should part ways.
Please leave. He doesn’t sound healthy for you.
Do you want to live like this forever? Do you really want to be his caretaker for the next (possibly) 20 years? If the answer is no, then its time to go.
Listen to your mama on this one.
Well on the bright side he might die of old age in a few years.
Girl really? Is this who you want to waste your life on? He sounds like an abusive controlling asshole and you know why men go for women half their age? TO CONTROL THEM. And that’s exactly what he is doing.
When you say the last time you leave you had an altercation, what exactly do you mean? You mean he hurt you?
He is not the one. DO NOT MARRY HIM. Kick gramps out of your life.
Leave. Just leave. You can deal with your trauma bond after. You know he’s not going to change. Is this how you want to waste the rest of your life? Living like this?
That age gap is gross.
Girl. You are way too old to be doing this shit. This guy isn’t your dad, despite being old enough. He can’t control you unless you let him. And you let him.
Go and live your life either by yourself or with someone who isn’t going going be retired in a few years. You only think you’re the problem because he told you you are. Don’t take that shit from a creep like him.
trauma bonds are just awful, and you can break them
you are allowed to leave–your life is your own
Dump while wearing a skirt and have your gays as backup for your night out ! 🎉
Recognize the trauma bond… and LEAVE ANYWAY.
So wired. Some men think that “proper ladies” always wear dresses/skirts. Others think that if you wear dresses/skirts you are advertising your sexual availability. It’s almost like they are the problem instead of your clothing choices! Leave this abusive man. You don’t deserve this abuse. No one deserves any abuse.