My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months now. We know each others kinks, have dirty talked plenty of times, and have had sexual moments (ex. fingering, handjob) in the beginning of our relationship but now it’s very rare. She’s afraid of pregnancy because her brother accidentally had a child in his teens but she’s getting an IUD and we’ve already discussed several different methods we’d like to try that don’t involve the risk of pregnancy. Because of school and work we can only spend time together around once a week so it’s definitely hurts a little when I’m in the mood and she isn’t. I crave the physical and emotional connection that comes with it and I’ve started to become more and more sexually frustrated lately. We had a discussion on my feelings and she said that she wants to enjoy herself in that way too, but that she doesn’t want to be uncomfortable around me because I’m important to her. Eventually we agreed to have a scheduled day where we try different things out to see what works. What can I do to help my girlfriend feel more comfortable being in these types of situations with me?
2 comments
This is a process that you can’t rush. You didn’t mention your ages, but it’s normal for young women to have body and confidence issues that impede their sexual wellbeing. This tends to improve with age and experience.
What you can do is get her the book Come As You Are. It’s basically the best book for a young woman to read to get her sexual wellbeing off on the right foot. It wouldn’t hurt for you to read it after she’s done, too. Reading sex positive stuff like that book, or Savage Love, or listening to podcasts like Sex with Emily helped me a lot when I was in my early 20s.
Do you prioritise her pleasure when you do play together? It’s pretty motivating when you have some experiences that feel good, and you want to figure out how to have more of those, or make them better.
It is a 20 year warmup.