So I (24m) have been dating this girl (27) for about 2 months now and I’ve been having problems with being able to last. During sex, she always big on doggy or prone, and is one to “throw it back”, the problem is I find myself pulling out or pushing her ways so I don’t cum. Right when I’m doing good, she moans or says something and the sensation gets to me and I quit.
The other night, she was riding and I asked her to hold on a second and she yells ” just fuck me”. She’s even playfully mentioned how her ex was relentless and “dude was like a rabbit”…
I’m guessing girls don’t like stop and go..any advice
40 comments
Lol you mean she even told you that her ex is better?
Yeah, consistent thrusting is key for a lot of women, however that’s a bit of a catch-22 as it also brings the man to orgasm which is a problem…
All I can say is practice more, you’ll get there.
Now the fact that she said her ex was better…that’s a whole other problem you’ll have to solve. I’d suggest just use her for sex practice until you’ve got it all down, then dump her disrespectful ass out on the street so she can find the rabbit she’s looking for.
Try “unloading the gun” a few hour prior! This should desensitize you and help you last a bit longer
Mentioning ex is yuck
A constant rythm feels better than stop and go. It often takes some time until it feels really good for me. Maybe you can try to go slower but with a more constant rythm.
Sorry I don’t want to hurt your feelings but…. Yeah. It’s very frustrating. We know you can’t maintain the same rhythm forever, but changing patterns / position/ speed every minute is very frustrating. Imagine you had an itchy back, and every time she was scratching the itchy spot just right, she switched and started scratching a different spot. We know you have to mix it up to keep from finishing too quickly, but if we can’t get the thrusts that we enjoy with at least a little consistency then it’s likely going to be a less satisfying experience
Can you go again relatively quick?
No expert here but a lot of the women I’ve been with say yes it is frustrating for them. One girl god bless her was the first to tell me that consisent thrusts that are harder or more vigorous are better than faster (porn style), especially in positions/angles with some g spot stim. Obviously every woman is different so only your partner knows what they like but maybe try consistent strong strokes rather than faster. For me it feels like pushing inside and scraping (prob a better word for this but idk) a spot like anterior wall rather than sliding in and out like porn.
Tl;dr— rhythmically consistent > faster // deliberate, forceful strokes > faster
So listen, you’re young at only 24. If you practice this gets WAY better with experience and time.
My husband actually trained himself to be able to hold back/cum on demand.
BUT he’s 48 and had years to practice edging.
When I’m in the mood to just pleasure him and suck him off, I’ll purposely tell him I don’t want him to hold back and to cum when he’s ready. Otherwise he’ll try to hold back if the bj is just part of foreplay that time.
Edging is something that you can both do together, kind of make it a game.
NGL that was probably a bitchy thing for your gf to say.
Never stop and go! Also Make sure she finishes before you go in so it’s not such a big deal when you cum fast.
Not true! My ex and I would have marathon sex. Given he is a cancer survivor, requires topical testosterone daily and Cialis when we had sex we made it count. Lots of times he would say I just don’t want to cum yet. So we would stop and continue fondling and kissing and then you return. Yeah, there’s points when we stopped, continuing foreplay. Delaying orgasm can end with massive orgasms. For both of you. We would get right there, slow it down, get back to almost there slow it down. Just tell her you would like to it to last a little longer. You want to enjoy her and take your time. If you feel like you’re getting ready to cum and you’d like to wait, just say let’s slow it down I don’t want it to end.
Definitely don’t go past “dating” cuz mentioning her ex like that is seriously messed up
I am way better at lasting during sex compared to when I was your age (37 now) and I still gotta stop and go
Probably depends on the woman. Personally if the guy satisfies me in other ways I don’t care that much about the duration of his erection. Sex is not only about the penetrative part. Fingering, oral, toys… so many options. You could switch to using a dildo or strap-on on her if she still wants to be penetrated after you have come.
Man I have totally heard the “just fuck me” line. I came immediately and she was disappointed. It sucked then and thinking about it sucks now. All I know is that went away with practice/maturity. I also think girls also are more aware of what they say as they get older.
Now that I am older (32M) it just depends on how I am feeling that day.
Some days I can literally last for hours and I don’t have overwhelming sensation. It’s great but at the end the girls usually ask “why didn’t you come?” I usually say “I dk, but I am glad I didn’t!”
Other days I am reciting the pledge of allegiance and thinking about math just to keep up.
Every session is different, which makes it fun. Having a fun and accepting partner is the key.
I don’t get annoyed. I get kinda disappointed when I say “just like that” and he stops doing it due to excitement or whatever reason. But I don’t ever get annoyed or mad. It is what it is. Also, mentioning how her ex fucks while criticizing you? I’m really sorry my guy but you really don’t deserve that behavior. It’s so disrespectful. Sounds like she’s trying to manipulate you.
If it’s feel good for me and getting me there the last thing I want is for the guy to stop what he is doing. That will kill my O!!
Try early morning or masturbate an hour before you see her and you should be fine. Think about baseball cards instead of her while you fuck her.
Some women like consistent thrusts, many like consistent for a while, then a change-up. It all depends on the woman. If you really like her, you need to talk about what each of you need to have the most fun when you are together.
Oral sex. Vibrators. Fingers. Even toes and dildos are your friends. Along with great communication and a sense of humour. In my experience once a women has achieved orgasm going for the 2nd or 3rd is easier. The destination is mutual fun, pleasure and discovery. Wishing you both joy.
Not cool of her to mention her ex like that. But setting that aside, yes, what you’re describing can be frustrating, as a woman. It sounds like you are not just preventing your own orgasm but hers as well. Basically every time she gets close, you pull out and she will just lose it, now it’s gone. That is very frustrating, as she probably can’t just pick up where she left off, she needs to build back up to it again now.
If you’re able to slow your pace overall (does not have to be fast, just steady), maybe that would help you last a tiny bit longer? And then honestly, if she sounds close and you feel like you are too, just *keep going and fucking cum*, and hope she does at the same time. If nothing else it will be more exciting this way and feel better! Sometimes it’s just that little extra push to get her over the edge too, ride that wave
I hate it, especially when it happens when I feel like I’m about to orgasm. I’d rather him cum than stop constantly because it just feels meh and gets really old really fast, I get bored of having to constantly wait for him to rest and in the end my hooha gets very sensitive and I don’t want sex anymore, so neither him nor I cum. It’s a big no no for me. Masturbate beforehand, use candoms for less sensation, don’t look at her butt or whatever during sex to last longer.
This is why Cbat exists
She could have communicated it way better to you, mentioning an ex like that stings. If your relationship is fresh I’d consider your feelings and if it’s worth continuing with her
Oof, talking up her ex. That’s a big yikes, I’m so sorry.
1. Desensitize your member with some pre-sex masturbation. Do it multiple times if you have to until you are no longer a two second Tommy.
2. Train yourself to keep control of your level of pleasure through edging yourself alone for an hour at a time.
3. Do not use things that numb your member, that will just numb her vajajay.
4. Try focusing your thoughts on her pleasure and don’t think about anything else.
5. Ask her to slow down if she just goes wild and doesn’t consider the impact on you. Build things up slowly so that you can get used to the intensity.
1. Desensitize your member with some pre-sex masturbation. Do it multiple times if you have to until you are no longer a two second Tommy.
2. Train yourself to keep control of your level of pleasure through edging yourself alone for an hour at a time.
3. Do not use things that numb your member, that will just numb her vajajay.
4. Try focusing your thoughts on her pleasure and don’t think about anything else.
5. Ask her to slow down if she just goes wild and doesn’t consider the impact on you. Build things up slowly so that you can get used to the intensity.
While edging and doing other sorts of sexual exercises will help with longevity, the best thing you can do to last longer is so cardio. And I mean CARDIO. Take up boxing, swimming, running, or anything that requires cardio. You’ll thank me later (not only for your gains in the bedroom but also your overall mood/health).
If any woman compared me to an ex like that during sex, that would be our last time together. Just saying.
But regarding stop and start, think about it: you’re stopping to keep yourself from cumming. It’s probably keeping her from cumming too. You just have to learn control over time
One thing that helped me is the “squeeze technique”. Next time you have to pull out, squeeze the head of your cock between your thumb and two fingers, pretty hard, for a second or two. This will dispel the need to cum for a bit. You can do this several times in a session. It will make the times you do have to pull out more effective so you won’t have to as often.
I don’t think most men are mechanically capable of pounding away for anything close to 10 minutes, deep inside a she-devil whose screaming for them to fuck her like Liz Truss fucked our economy. Sure, you can try kegels, pinching your balls, thinking of Boris Johnson and doing sums in your head, but you’re guaranteeing yourself a climax as you picture your old PE teacher, hitting you with a plimsol; orgasm ruined.
I personally find the Coital Alignment Technique helps. I find the angle less stimulating, maintain constant, consistent thrusting with clitoral contact and once my wife starts to get close, then I can head to pound town. Also, we use a vibrator in doggy, which takes the heavy lifting away, and it speeds up the process and we can both have a glass of wine. Proper romantic.
It’s only been 2 months, that comment alone was inappropriate. Don’t know if you had this issue with past partners, but if this is because of this one woman..well the answer is simple.
Get her out get her home she ain’t worth it
Ew she’s trash.
So my hubby cums quickly. It’s never an issue – he makes me cum before PIV, and because he recovers quickly we can go 5+ times in a night if we’re into it – if not, then we’ve both come at least once. It’s not about how quick/slow if the session is satisfactory for all parties.
The issue is you gotta have it more often to develop stamina (with that particular partner) to be able to successfully thrust hard consistently for a decent period of time. That takes commitment and practice and if sex is unpredictable in your schedule that can mess things up.
Short term answer: Go for two rounds. You’ll go much longer in round two. Or three. Or….
Longer term answer: Figure out why she’s bringing up the ex.
Firstly, constant thrusting does tend to be more enjoyable than stop and go. Might I suggest a bit more foreplay towards your partner so she’s closer by the time y’all shtoop.
Secondly, she sounds awful. Mentioning an ex and getting mad at you is gross and not okay. She probably still has unresolved interest in her ex and that could come back and cause complications for you. I agree with the other commenters, I’d dump her.
When you stop you stop all the progress shes made towards having an orgasm so yes 100% its frustrating. if my bf did that id give up and use my dildo.
It’s very frustrating being told, “yeah, well, my ex could do it.” I’ve been there.
Couple suggestions. If you can stay hard after cumming, cum when you want, then fuck her how she wants. That’s what I need to do sometimes, especially if it’s been a while and I’m not lasting for long. After I cum, I’m not going to cum again, so I can fuck her however she needs without worrying about starting and stopping.
You could also do kegels, those could help you last longer.
If you decide to humor her instead of dumping her for her stupid comment about her ex, try this.
Fuck and cum first. Once you’ve got that first explosion out of the way and you’re able to get hard again. Then give her what she wants.
Personally though. The way she’s asking and commenting on her ex is very selfish.
There are some important communication needs before you can relax and address the bedroom needs. Consider trying some or all of these:
1. “When you tell me your ex was relentless like a rabbit, I feel…” Uncomfortable with the comparison, uncertain if you’re trying to ask me for something in the bedroom and if so I also prefer that you just ask me directly, etc.
2. “I noticed that we stop and go, and I got the impression you want me to keep going longer. Is that accurate?”
3. “The idea of pleasing you in the bedroom turns me on, and sex with you feels really good. Here are some things I want to try with you…” insert any of the suggestions below or from others, or whatever you like. Could ask her what she wants to try.
Pretty sure every guy I’ve been with needed to pause at some point, some more often than others, but it seems fairly common from the comments. I always found it hot; I liked seeing how I affected them. It was only a problem if they did not attend to my needs before, during, or after.
Some suggestions:
Make sure there’s enough foreplay that she’s very stimulated, possibly already had an orgasm or two prior to penetration (things like nipple play, spanking the cheek-thigh crease sends blood to the nethers, biting the hip bone sends a nice shock, going from teasingly soft touches to palming to focused clit time to crooked finger on that G and rhythmic yanking from the elbow – trim those nails!, above + oral, etc.).
Once you’re ready to penetrate, teasing is delicious. Anticipation makes the actual experience so much better – but again, see if she’s into that. I’m referring to making contact and rubbing/sliding along the lips/clit for a little while before you actually penetrate.
I get that she prefers doggy or prone to get that G time, but variety is fun and she’s missing out on some positions that hit those nerve bundles in the fornices (pockets adjacent to the cervix that people often mistake for the cervix). For me, it’s almost like another G-spot, and the pocket will kind of suck onto your head as you hit it – fun for guys, too. Depends on her anatomy for the angle, so you’ll likely have to try different positions. It’s also fun to have eye contact, neck play, a little scratch and hair tug – which doggy & prone don’t allow, but to each their own. Just make sure that if you want more variety you communicate that.
When you do need to pause, reach. for. that. clit. Take a nipple too, if you can. If you’re into it, talk to her. Tell her what she does to you. Tell her what you want to do to her. “You like that? Does that feel good? I bet it does…” etc.
As someone suggested below, the 4 slow pumps to one harder thrust works well (doesn’t have to be 4, but you get the idea). Also echoing that rhythmic, slower but firm thrusts are WAY better than the super fast thrusts they do in porn.
As I lack a penis, I can’t advise you on edging or what it feels like but I saw some potentially helpful comments. I hope it isn’t true that edging diminishes the pleasure of a guy’s climax for the night since you deserve to have the full experience, too.
Have fun, you’ve so got this.
TLDR: Keep communication open first. Pausing can be hot, you’re not alone, slow/firm thrusts are better than fast thrusts, and when you pause work the clit.