Debating this with my spouse; I personally don’t like when people come over to my home unannounced; we have two toddlers and I prefer there be some sort of notice, even if it’s a hey we are on our way later today. He thinks it’s okay for his mother to just walk into our home whenever she pleases… what do you guys feel?
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14 comments
>Debating this with my spouse
People talk too much, this is an example that good communication is important but doesn’t require a whole lot of words. Set clear boundaries and be open to reasonable compromise.
We moved 45 mins to an hour away from loved ones. They have no choice but to give us a heads up. We don’t play that shit. Lol
My very sweet mother in law had the habit of coming to her kids houses for a visit, say, on a Saturday, opening the door and walking right in while saying, “knock knock…”
Well, one time she walked in on my wife’s sister and her husband going to town in the living room. Like buck naked, on the floor, revealing position, getting after it. She was horrified seeing her daughter get railed and ran right back out and left.
She never did that ever again. And it still tickles me when I think about it.
all it takes is for her to see you nudes or semi naked once by “accident”, shell learn her lesson
I’m an introvert. I need a heads up if someone is going to be in my space. Family or otherwise. (I live 1000+ miles from either family, though. 🥳)
There does seem to be a cultural element to this, but I would not be ok with folks just coming over anytime without notice.
Just call/text ahead and make sure we’re not busy. It’s not that hard.
This isn’t something you need to take up with your in laws though. Take it up with your husband.
I moved to a different state years ago. Each of my parents have both surprised me on 2 separate occasions. I love them dearly but they usually stay for at least 5 days. A surprise guest for nearly a week is a lottttt. Finally told them I know they mean well but the surprises have got to stop lol.
What if I’m in my chonies? That would make for a vary awkward time for everyone. I need a heads up to make sure I’m presentable.
I better have A LOT of warning before someone comes too my house
My answer was not listed. We don’t want just a “heads up”, we need to make specific plans. We live a couple of hours away from our closest family, so we make plans about a week in advance. We like our privacy.
My home is my sanctuary. It is our safe haven. Absolutely no one enters who has not been specifically invited. My husband and I both agree on this.
Lock your door. Do not answer the door if you have not issued an invitation.
Oh, yes, I have. She stood outside for 45 minutes, knocking and calling. I stayed inside, ignoring. I had said no, very specifically, several times.
Yes, it worked. She got much better at believing us when we said no.
I would prefer it if no one came over but if they have to I want a 24-48hr notice so I can mentally prepare to share my space.
I think your husband needs to take her key away until she gives you a heads up she’s coming over.
And he also needs to support you over his mom. YOU are uncomfortable in your own home because someone may just walk in. His mom does not have any right to just walk in. He needs to get his priorities straight and handle this.
You’re allowed to have this boundary.
I don’t even just want a text on the way either. I need plans the day before at minimum. Not that I can’t handle a text day of ASKING. But I’d turn away anyone that got in the car and came to my house and just told me they were coming (barring an emergency situation).
My choice isn’t listed. Our rule is friends are welcome anytime but family has to give warning. Like a lot of warning. Lol