So I have a bit of a rant. Last night me (M31) and my wife (F30) were watching a show. I was feeling sleepy so I told her I’m tired (since we have had mini arguments over that in the past). She was bummed because she wanted to continue watching another episode. She said to me she would stay up then. Sure.
FFWD – I hope in bed after brushing my teeth and hear her playing a video on her phone. No problem, I figure, I’ll just close the door a little more so I don’t hear it. I got up and went to the kitchen cuz I had forgotten to turn the dishwasher on and went back to the room and I just let the door swing behind me to a closed position. Then hopped in bed.
I’ll add that before I got up to go to bed in the first place, my wife had said “you better not go on your phone in the room”. As if I wasn’t allowed to since I said I was tired.
Anyways, fast forward again. A few minutes go by and I’m dosing off because she stopped playing her videos anyways. She comes to the room asking why I closed the door and if I’m upset. I said no, of course, with a puzzled look on my face. She then says, well you never close the door. I said that it was just because I couldn’t concentrate on sleeping when her video was playing, no biggie. She said she only played one video and that I didn’t need to close the door and I should have just asked her to turn it down. I assured her I wasn’t upset and that I was thinking nothing of it. I was honestly just tired and wanted to sleep. She said “fine, I’ll sleep in the guest bedroom then”.
I was flabbergasted and furthermore couldn’t sleep for like 3 more hours. I confronted her again while she was tucked into the other bed. Same conversation basically and I got nowhere. Now I’m at work the next day and I feel terrible. I don’t know what I did wrong other than maybe not communicate that her one video was distracting. Help me please?
5 comments
Sounds like she’s a very insecure person – I’d say you both need to communicate better but I think first and foremost she needs to work on her insecurities.
You went and confronted her in the other bedroom although you were tired, shows you care. I don’t know why she’s making it bigger than it needs to be.
I don’t think you’re in the wrong at all
How many issues do y’all have with going to bed, or making excuses to not watch tv shows?
This is primarily focused on her comment about you being on your phone…the situation of going to the kitchen then closing the door may have been a trigger for her too.
My wife has had a habit of saying “I’m sooooo tired” But then gets in bed and stares at her phone for the next hour. If I notice her on the phone, or with the TV on, and decide I’d like to cuddle up, I note that the tv gets turned off as soon as I enter the room…or she will throw on her CPAP the second I come from the bathroom, etc. Lead to some general feelings of rejection…Just wondering if there’s a similar dynamic at play.
Are you two my husband and me? 😄 Here is what happens with us occasionally: him being sleepy/sad/stressed/emotions other than the norm, me assuming he is mad at me, me asking what is wrong/if he is mad at me, me not believing his denials, my fears being activated, me retreating.
What works for us is a) me recognizing that my fears and anxiety aren’t really related to what I am seeing and b) my husband assuring me he loves me and will always be honest with me. That rights the ship.
Talk with her this evening and just asks what’s going on. Maybe you were acting standoffish prior to laying down or the door slammed harder than you thought but closing the bedroom door so it’s more quiet and you can sleep better is perfectly normal.
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The only thing that I think you should have done differently was not go talk to her again while she was in another bed. I would have waited until the next evening or morning to bring it up again.