Last night I (52f) told my husband (59m) I’ll be home late tonight because I’m going to happy hour with 4 women to celebrate a former coworker’s new job. He gave me the silent treatment for a few hours & when he finally started talking he accused me of being secretive & said I knew about happy hour earlier in the week so why didn’t I tell him sooner.
We’ve been married 22 years and I’ve been through this several times. If I give him 2 weeks notice of plans with friends he’ll make me miserable the entire time. Over the years he stopped hanging out with his friends & we don’t hang out with other couples. He won’t admit it but he doesn’t want me to have a social life. I try to spend time with friends when he’s working but that’s not always possible.
Here’s how our nights go after work-when I get home he’s already there. I cook or heat up leftovers and we watch tv until we go to bed. There’s very little conversation and the routine only changes if we go out for dinner or if my stepdaughter brings our grandkids over to visit; he usually complains about that too.
He’s going to retire in a year or so and I fear that I’ll be his only source of social interaction.
Edit: Had a great time with my friends last night. Totally worth it to have real conversations with actual adults.
5 comments
Your life sounds a lot like that of my in-laws – I’m so sorry. I’m not sure how easy it is for a 59-year-old man to make friends, but does he have any hobbies or interests? You’re right it will only get worse with retirement.
[removed]
Silent treatment is a toxic and abusive tactic and I would have a zero tolerance policy for it.
My advice?
Get out while you can. Gaslighting, silent treatments, guilt trips, and manipulation are all NPD traits. They won’t ever get better, and you are right, your life will get worse when you are his only means of not just social interaction but his only victim.
Sorry but I grew up with someone with NPD and there is no changing it. It’s who these people are.
Either that or you have to stop caring he throws his temper tantrums. Stop letting him bother you. Go out with your friends and have fun. If he wants to pout and act like a victim, let him.
Dude when did everyone become a child. 59 and gets butthurt over a night out
He sounds depressed based on what you said about him. Also, I suffer from depression and know what it is like to struggle with having a very difficult time feeling any pleasure in doing anything social or even favorite hobbies.
I have also read that suicides are higher with men in his age range
I’m not trying to scare you but your post doesn’t mention depression so I didn’t know if you considered it as a possibility.
Almost forgot – depressed or not, acting passive aggressive and just shitty in general isn’t something you should have to deal with.