I was seeing this guy for a couple weeks, and things were going relatively well. I did notice, however, that lately there was a lot more inconsistency and distance from his end, and that he only seemed to have time/interest in reaching out late at night. I realized he probably doesn’t want anything serious, but didn’t want to jump to any conclusions so I brought this up with him.
He responded essentially confirming that he isn’t looking for anything serious, but he gave so many different reasons/conflicting statements that I’m even more confused than before. I can’t tell if he was intentionally trying to confuse me, or if this is just a guy’s way of communicating that they either a) just don’t want any type of commitment, or b) think they can find someone better so they don’t want to commit to you?
1) He mentioned work being his main focus right now
2) He said girls aren’t a priority but then told me he likes me, and THEN told me he doesn’t think he’ll be the one to date me because of my age (this one confuses me because although he’s 23 and I’m 25, I’m only a year and a half older than him, and he knew that when we first started talking?)
3) He said if I’m looking for a serious, committed relationship with healthy communication then he isn’t sure if he’s the one for me, but it’s not because I screwed anything up
4) He reiterated again that he does like me, which is why he thought I at least deserved the decency of hearing this from him directly (which is admirable, if I hadn’t been the one to have to bring this up because of the mixed signals lately)
I’ve dropped the situation entirely and moved on, because we clearly want different things and there’s just no point going back and forth about this. I just genuinely don’t understand what he was trying to say or what the real reason for his inconsistency was? He has repeatedly made the point that he’s “high value” and “in high demand”, so I imagine he probably just wants to play the field. But why not just say you don’t want to commit and leave it at that?
13 comments
This is a lot of words to just write that he wants some pussy.
And considering your post history I’m honestly impressed that you haven’t put two and two together yet. These guys that you keep meeting on the internet keep ditching you after you sleep with them.
This was a 3 week fling with someone who clearly told you he doesn’t want a relationship. Just sex. He told you that. Why are you entering into a purely sexual fling and then looking for any little comment that gives you hope that he wants more? Think about that. If you’re looking for a true relationship, then don’t start up anything with a man that isn’t looking for the same thing.
>he said he’s high value and in demand
Red flag that makes everything else a little bit more clear. Clearly, communication isn’t his strong suit.
It means yes, he wants to play the field.
Really, why does it matter?
You want different things, as you say. Don’t give it any more space in your head. Block him so you are not tempted by furure late night calls.
If he had feelings for you, he wouldn’t care of that. Your only two years behind him. That’s really not an age difference. I think you need to hear what he had to say and accept it so that you if you wanna be friends fine but you’re not friends hoping he’ll change his mind. Move on and start dating other people let them be your friend.
Yeah, no, move on. Let him have his ‘high demand and value,’ which made me laugh by the way. If he’s in such high demand, he wouldn’t have to say it. It’s like a man saying he’s an ‘alpha.’ If you have to say it, you aren’t it. Laugh at him and say, have fun with that. Don’t be available for those late night calls.
Unless he’s a world class talent or comes from a very rich family there’s very little chance a 23yo is a high value man
Sounds like somebody has swallowed a certain coloured pill but unfortunately hasn’t the slightest idea what he’s talking about
Not something you should spend too much time thinking about
He’s learning what he’s looking for.
His experience with you is going to help him figure that out.
Move on tbh, casual sex isn’t your thing and seems like that is what he wanted. Both are okay.
Dating apps suck too, meeting someone irl is better, do volunteering or get into some sort of hobby which will make you meet others, ask friends to set you up with people.
You already said he confirmed that he isn’t looking for anything serious. You’re just trying to read between the lines, but there’s nothing there to read. Take what he says at face value. He is not interested in you in a serious manner. Now it’s up to you to decide what to do with that information. Men are really not that complicated. When they tell you, they don’t want anything serious, except that as their answer. Don’t try to look too deep into it.
Girl, the guy has made it clear that he’s just not that into you. He wanted sex and that’s it. You guys don’t want the same things. Stop reading into his behavior, he doesn’t secretly want you.
Yes, he just wants to play the field. He’s spewed a bunch of words (sigh) but the gist is, he just wants to be able to screw other girls while he can keep screwing you too.
It’s been a few weeks, just move on. For whatever reason, he’s not interested in what you are. Don’t waste any more of your time 🙂