4 months ago my boyfriend [18m] and I [20f] went to a music festival together and he bumped into his ex. They spoke for around 10 minutes and completely left me out. I also sensed they were being flirty. I explained to him the next day that it really hurt me and he basically said he sees no problem.
Fast forward to today and I’ve seen that he has started following his ex on Instagram (he wasn’t previously). I’ve brought this up to him and he has basically said he doesn’t see any problem with it, same as before.
Am I weird for getting upset over this?
TL;DR boyfriend bumped into his ex at a festival and left me alone for 10 minutes while speaking to her. Shrugged it off when I brought it up. 4 months later starts following her having not previously.
18 comments
mama this is SUCH a red flag im so sorry.
you’re not overreacting and the fact he sees no problem and doesn’t bother to address your concerns says a lot.
i don’t know how long you two have been together but i would think long and hard about your boyfriends lack of respect for you before continuing the relationship
Four months to an 18yo is like two years to a 40yo.
He’s 18; you can play with him for awhile, but then you have to put him back on the shelf. How fast he hits the shelf will be decided by how unreasonable you are prepared to be. “Explaining” to him that he has no right to talk to girls he knows without permission and surveillance from his keeper? Not a good look on you.
It doesn’t sound like he has the communication skills necessary to be in a healthy relationship yet, tbh. He shouldn’t just be shrugging off a partner’s concerns around unusual interactions with his ex. He should at least be willing to talk about it and explain why he feels his behaviour is appropriate. Why follow her now on social media? Why exclude you from the conversation at the music festival? If he doesn’t have an answer for these things and isn’t willing to acknowledge that in absence of a good reason the behavior comes off as sus, then I wouldn’t have much hope for a happy resolution here.
Red flag city. Don’t waste your time on people who don’t respect you and can’t communicate properly.
Add me on IG and see if it becomes a problem for him 😂 I bet his attitude changes
No it isn’t weird at all. To me it’s a giant red flag. My wife still has contact with her ex, but that never stopped when they broke up and she got together with me. They still have a company together (one the 3 of us own now together) and she/we regularly work(ed) together in different combinations (she and he, me and he, she and me, all of us).
However, my ex, before my wife, had a really bad breakup with her ex, before me. They barely spoke for almost a year, despite having kids together, and when they did they always ended up fighting. One day this suddenly changes, she also started following him on FB (there was no insta back then….), which she didn’t do before and even had him blocked, not just unfriended.
2 months later I find out they’re effin again. I break off with her immediately. She gets bsck with him. Calls me up about 3-4 weeks later about what a big mistake she made, if I could pls forgive her and, allegedly (tho I do believe her), he had starting hitting her again – one of the, if not THE, biggest reasons it ended in the first place. She went back to that…. I told her people deserve 2nd chances, with a few exceptions. EG if a man hits his woman, no second chance. If a person cheats, no second chance… I asked her to never contact me again.
Not saying your bf can’t be trusted or that he will get back with her in any way, shape or form. But it’s always a risk to keep contact with an ex… At one point they loved each other and before that they fell in love and had attraction towards each other. Why would he risk your relationship by looking this up again? The only reason I can come up with is he is still, on some level, interested in her.
I would tell him to break it off or you don’t see a future with him as you don’t want to date someone still hung up on their ex.
Goodluck…
No, not over reacting, me n my ex started to follow each other on Insta n it started us on a path that nearly cost my marriage, get him off there or get out…., I was him, not good.
You’re not weird for it. I’ll start with that. We tend to tell people they’re weird for how they act/feel when in actuality, it isn’t weird at all its apart of the human experience.
Next boundaries are in each relationship, and they are unique to each relationship. They are there to protect and maintain integrity in the relationship. He may not see a problem with it and that’s valid but you have a problem with it, that matters. That needs to be addressed before the relationship can move forward with or without him.
As a partner, it’s not his responsibility to take care of your needs, but he should be open to seeing, hearing, and respecting your concerns. If he’s not then that’s a problem for you/yall. Imagine a lifetime with someone you don’t feel heard, seen or respected by. It’s a lifetime of misery.
There’s a long talk needed if you want any shot at moving forward together imo and if you find yourself tryna overly explain how or why you feel the way you feel just back out.
This is a situation where you can show him and more importantly yourself how much you respect yourself. Best of luck.
His following his ex isn’t a eed flag. His lack of concern for your concern is. Communication would help a lot here.
If you were a man posting this, you would be insecure and controlling, but honestly you’ve every right to be bothered and should be.
Dump him. I’m a guy I can tell you he’s not completely there with you
He’s 2 years your junior, men are 7 years behind women in maturity, or more depending typically. You’re putting him at a 9 year disadvantage. I’d say expect it.
It’s basically the obvious, your ex still has chemistry for her, unless she and your boyfriend have a child.
YOUR GUY DOESN’T RESPECT YOU.
DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.
Dump him and Block him.
The ex needs to stay in the past. And if he refuses to stop all forms of communications with her, drop him you don’t need to feel insecure. Especially if he disregards your concerns with her being in the picture.
This is a big issue. Neither me or my partner would stand for this. It seems suspicious because it is. I’m sorry girl 🙁 you can do better
He doesn’t respect you. Dump him and save yourself the pain.
They are exes for a reason. If you communicated to him that it was really bothering you & he doesnt care then that should tell you enough right there.