Put briefly, I’ve been single for nearly ten years now. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me, and I’ve learned to become very comfortable with my own company. However, I’m at the point where /everyone/ around me is settling down, and I think I can name only one male friend remaining who’s also single. I don’t have a single single female friend. It’s starting to make me feel like I’m about to get eliminated from a game of musical chairs. I have no one to commiserate with about dating horror stories (except this sub). And to top it off, I don’t see a lot of my friends anymore because they spend a majority of their time with their SOs. All of it is giving me FOMO. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you guys navigate feeling like this?
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Oh hai! It me. When I’m not dating I basically lose myself in my hobbies. It actually becomes a bit of a struggle now to remember to be social. The last few years haven’t helped that at all, either.
I’ve also become a lot more comfortable going solo: I’ll treat myself to a nice dinner out from time to time. I’ve gone on a couple of solo road trips to other cities for a weekend. I’m going to try and work up the courage to go solo camping this year as well but I’m not 100% comfortable with that idea, yet.
It’s a lot of FOMO trust me. I have settled in my 20s. Married and divorced lol
I’m in my Early 30s now, as a single woman x
Trust me there’s no right or wrong. And a lot of people end up having to start over again at some point… it’s not a competition and there’s nothing to be won.
We are only here once so.. u gotta follow what feels right for you
This is pretty relatable. Personally, as much as things can change with friends, I still get to see them and I think that the right people will make sure they’re still a part of your life. Even if that changes a bit.
I’ve also tried to embrace the role as the single person. Friends talk to me about what dating is like and it makes me feel interesting sometimes. I’ve talked to them about this but sometimes when you’re in a relationship nothing really exciting happens anymore (in regards to the relationship). And they get to get a bit of that through me.
I also like to tell myself that I’m going at my own pace. Maybe there are things I still need to work on, but so much of finding someone is luck. I’m so aware about being with someone who isn’t right for me, so I’d rather be alone than with someone who I know things won’t work out with just because I’m lonely.
Don’t worry statistically speaking nearly half of your married friends will rejoin you at the singles table at some point 🙃
I feel you though I have been in a similar boat. Don’t give up, do the things that give your life meaning, and fulfil you
When I was a kid the scene in Bambi where all the friends break off from the group to be with their partner always bummed me out. At least Bambi had someone too but the real life version of that is me being the last one and with no one to go to
It sucks and I know I want a committed relationship but it’s been a serious of unfortunate circumstances that have kept me single my whole life. Best thing we can do is to just keep swimming
Very relatable! You are not alone.
I’m 31 and I’ve never been in long term, committed, loving relationship, let alone simply “in love” even though I long to find a soulmate and have children. (My 20s were riddled by trust issues, anxious attachment, prioritizing my career, fierce desire to be self sufficient, etc. I’m more secure now)
Some of my friends are now on to their second child and I’m still on my own.
I have a wonderful, exciting life, but I want to share it. I have no idea how to get my future husband to come into my life sooner.
Hey, I just want to validate you. That feeling sucks. It’s sucks for life to not meet your expectations for reasons outside yourself. It sucks to want something and work for something only to realize that half of it is outside your control.
Try and remember that you can still have those friends and it might help to be vulnerable with them. Hey, I like being with you and I’m afraid not being part of a couple will create distance between us.
Keep your head up, do your part and try to enjoy the days as they come.
I’ve been single my entire life and at this point all my close friends are married and have been in committed relationships for the past 6-8 years.
For me what helped was a change of perspective. I realized that I’m experiencing life at my own pace, which is different than most people.
Just because I’m the “last man” standing doesn’t mean there is something inherently wrong with me and doesn’t mean I can’t find someone.
I guess I’m learning to appreciate the journey and not getting hung up on the fact that my journey is a little bit longer than most people.
This is exactly how I feel and don’t know how to cope either.
I feel you so much. I’ve since had to get off of Facebook because literally, everyone seems to be getting married around me. I feel like I’m being judged by my family and everyone else that I’m not married yet.
Single 34M, last single sibling in my family. Social circle all moved away as a result of the pandemic.
Threw myself into work for a bit, but that only worked for so long until I felt like I was too close to burnout. Now just tossing myself into my hobbies, which are mostly solo lol. Regardless, I’m becoming more content with my life and have put less emphasis on “needing” to find someone. Mostly approaching OLD and dating in general with a casual mindset.
At first I felt odd because I’ve never really been a causal dating person, but with my life situation and how crazy my job is, that’s all I can fit into my mental headspace for dating at the moment. Having that self awareness has also helped me accept my singlehood.
Yeah, I’m in the same boat. I’ve pretty much distanced myself from the partnered up friends at this point. We can no longer relate woth one another.
I felt it more at 30 than I do now at 39. At this point, I’ve seen enough partnered friends who are still struggling with a lack of fulfillment that I’ve stopped idealizing romance as a guaranteed path to happiness.
A married friend recently told me “it doesn’t matter if you’re married or single, with kids or without kids, you’re always going to be exchanging one set of problems for another.” It sounds cynical but I take it more as a “life is what you make of it” kind of lesson. Right now, I’m enjoying the freedom and possibilities that come with being single. I’m confident that someday I’ll enjoy the comfortable and stability that come with a LTR.
I’ve met a few really good friends off tinder ! We either decided to be friends after the first date or with one or two I had a brief fling with before going back to friendship. I have a lot more luck finding friends on tinder than partners lol :'(
For me, what hurts the most is make if my best friends have suddenly become strangers after arranged marriage. I feel disowned and our friendship disrespected. I tell myself i choose wrong friends. But also i some times think it’s just a phase and they will come back once the novelty in marriage runs out.
Yes and no. I’ve been single for 6(ish) years now and I definitely went through the panic of “I’m going to die alone,” “I’ll never have kids,” “I’ll never have the life I want,” etc.
I don’t know when, but I eventually reached an acceptance — even an embracing of — the single life. It sounds cliche but, as soon as I felt at peace fully with how things are and not “how I thought they should be by my 30s,” men approached me more often. I went out with guys but if there was no spark, we didn’t see each other again. I no longer feel pressure to pick somebody because my clock is ticking. I always thought I wanted kids but sometimes — when I actually hear stories from people who have kids — I realize it’s a trade off and if it happens someday it’ll happen but if not that’ll be just fine, too.
Another thing to remember is that relationships are always ending. It’s possible that your person is in an unhappy relationship/marriage right now. It’s possible that you have some work to do before you’re the person who’d be a good match with your person. It’s possible that when you meet your forever partner, your friends’ marriage(s) might end. Nothing is ever guaranteed.
I highly recommend joining some kind of networking group (something like Meetup, for example). I haven’t been on Tinder in years, but, when I was, it actually felt soothing to see how many single people there really were still out there.
An old friend of mine who unfortunately passed away a few years back used to tell me “What’s meant for you will not pass by you” and I really do think that’s true. Everything happens in its own time.
Kind of, but I just focus on the positive’s of being single.
My situation is different because I have been married before (from 20 – 30.) So as another poster mentioned I don’t have that fear of missing out on something great. I’m much happier now than when I was married. Being married doesn’t automatically mean someone is happier or “better” than you in any way.
I went solo camping for the first time this past summer! Nothing major, just a couple of nights. But it was so damn empowering.
It does suck when friends lives change and they don’t have as much time for us – I made new friends. Don’t get me wrong!! It’s not like I ditched my married friends/ friends with kids haha. Our relationship dynamic just changed which is understandable. I had luck with Bumble BFF but I’m not sure if it’s popular in your are.
One of the really cool things about being the only single friend is that for a lot of my friends is I’m the “go to” friend when they want to do something without their partner/kids. With couples and families it’s harder to arrange that type of thing, but I have the luxury of being pretty damn flexible.
And personally, I don’t want my *own* kids, but I like kids! I’ve let my friends know I’m down for hanging out with them and their little ones. I’ve gone to story time at libraries, trampoline parks etc. So again the dynamic of my time with that friend has changed, but I accept it. I get to do things I’d never really do since I don’t plan on having my own kids.
And remember, comparison is the thief of joy. If you’re comfortable and content with what you’ve got going on, that’s what’s important.
I’m in a similar situation as a 35 years old man and the only thing that makes me feel bad and feel FOMO is that I might not be able to be father. Specially when my friends and my sister have become parents in the last 3-4 years, only 2 of them are childless but they have a SO. But other than that, I don’t think the married life is much better than the single life (or at least in my past relationships I wasn’t way happier than I am now), both have pros and cons.
I usually go to amusement parks, gyms, and sporting events with my friends.
My biggest struggle is communication when I wear hearing aids. I don’t hear everything if it gets too noisy.
As someone who rushed into the wrong relationship, it’s better to be single and avoid the wrong partner.
You should only get in a relationship if you truly want one. A couple of my friends are in difficult marriages cuz it was the lesser of two evils (singledom being the bigger evil, obvi). If being single isn’t necessarily a bad thing, then you’re OK. Tbh I think much the reason we are so obsessed with settling down is because of the subvert social pressure. As a bi guy, I see the gay side of things and gay men don’t feel This pressure. Most of them wait til around 40 to settle down and are OK with that.
I remember the times when this was exactly me. It sucked big time. And no one understood. I can’t give you any advice on what to do because nothing I tried made it better.
I can only say that five years later, I was married and a lot of my friends were single again 🙂
A lot of people are in relationships simply because they don’t want to be alone.
What youre missing out on is learning the skills to be in a relationship. That’s something you only learn by doing. But many are in relationships that don’t have a good impact on their lives. So don’t feel too bad.
If you have the budget and its worth it to you. I would find a life coach to help you expand your network and get through your dating difficulties. I cannot recommend it enough.
6 years ago I was you. The fomo gets old but trust me when you’re in a relationship and living with someone (especially if they aren’t the one) you’ll miss single life. I’m grateful to be single again and I know I’m in for another long wait before love comes along again. Hang in there! I cope by working on myself and doing things I enjoy doing and exploring new hobbies. I know one day I’ll have to consider others in my life so I’m enjoying the freedom for now lol
Might be different for guys. 37M here. Never married. No kids that I know of.
All of my guy friends that are married tell me they are jealous of me and that I’m doing it right. I enjoy being by myself, but I do date casually. Not looking to get married anytime soon. No FOMO, don’t feel like I’m missing out of anything to be honestly.
Accept that you’ll never be a high priority in your coupled friends’ lives, especially if they have kids. Learn to enjoy time alone, where you and you alone get to decide what to do and when to do it. Don’t be afraid to do “social” things like go out to eat, to a movie, etc, by yourself.
Yo, me too. However, A few friends are still single. I feel like losing one of my friends because he is busy with his family now. But yeah that’s life.
How to navigate this? Just enjoy it 🤷♀️ Maybe like Miley Cyrus song hahaha. Want a flower? Buy it by myself. Fancy dinner? Go for it. Vacation? I could just randomly buy a ticket and go somewhere else. Cuddling buddy? Ask my nephew to watch a cartoon in my room. I could flirt with my nephew too.
Sometimes I feel lonely too but I have been in a relationship or situationship (hey you, If you read this..could you pick one?) yet I felt lonely.