Women of reddit.. if you have decided not to have children, what was the defining moment of your decision?

13 comments

1. Raising my SEVERELY autistic and mentally disordered little sister who is 14 yrs younger than me from birth to 3 years.  I love her and she deserves the best,  and that best was so much better than me.  I lost 3 years of my childhood to her, up until I moved out at 17, and I knew I absolutely would never have a kid of my own.  To be fair, I swore off having kids when I was 7 or 8, but holy shit did raising one while her mom went and got high really cement it for me.

2. I knew before this, but it became a thought that I voiced aloud the day that they had a bunch of 5-year-olds on our college campus. They were running around, screaming. It was awful

3. There is also no need to put more children into this world which is already going to hell, realistically what life will they have in the future? We’re over 8 billion people and not able to distribute resources. Seems a bit selfish to put more children into this mess.

   I also like sleep, freedom and money.

4. There was never a defining moment. I always knew from my own childhood that I didn’t want kids of my own, and I just never started feeling any different about it.

5. I’m not sure there was a defining moment. I think I just kind of had a sense from fairly early on that I wasn’t interested. And it’s strengthened as I’ve gotten older so I’m feeling at peace about it.

   Not having kids is so much easier than having kids. Like I don’t have to find a partner in time, or live near good schools, or budget money for childcare. I just do whatever. Other than choosing partners and birth control, I don’t have to make any decisions around NOT having kids.

6. Realizing that every time I imagined having a child, I instantly began also daydreaming about how I could get a break from it. Imagining who would watch it while I went out for some adult time, thinking of how I could still go on big adventurous trips away from home, wondering how I could not be tied to the school schedule.

   My husband and I always talked and dreamed about having one kid, and we began trying for one right around when the pandemic started. Of course, I had zero desire to be pregnant during a pandemic so we paused for a while. Every time we talked about trying again, we always found some excuse to wait a little more. Eventually we realized we didn’t have to have a kid at all, and honestly we’re so much happier now that we’ve admitted that to ourselves!

7. watching my mother give birth to my brother at age 8.

8. realizing that most of my family and personal health history is genetic. i have a lot line of mental health problems (substance use, anxiety, depression, ocd, ect), heart problems, diabetes, and other health issues. i would not want my child to go through the issues that i or my family has due to genetics.

   additionally, around the same time i learned that i have thalassemia. thalassemia is a rare genetic blood disorder that can cause severe physical symptoms or in the event of the right combination of subtypes, certain stillbirth. while 1.5% of the population are carriers, only 0.3% of the population have symptoms. i have the type alpha intermedia, or hemoglobin H disease, meaning if i had a child with someone with the thalassemia gene, it would certainly be stillborn.

   in conclusion, my genes suck, their genes would suck. that’s just unfair to them.

9. I don’t remember what sparked it but I remember having the mind blown moment where I put 3 and 2 together and got 5 – just because I was going to grow up and become an adult did not mean that I *had* to have offspring. And I was very happy and relieved to know this.

10. I thought it was weird that in senior year books people knew in 10 years they wanted to be married with kids with a career as a lawyer. I’d never even thought about it until then. I thought about it more when I met a guy who was childfree – never dated him – and it made me think.

    I’m more neutral – not for it, not against being a parent in other ways, but mental health reasons put me solidly in the no category.

11. Honestly? Hearing stories about folks’ bodies being effectively ruined by childbirth. Episiotomies that go wrong, that kind of thing.

    And then also just thinking about climate change and how I don’t feel like it’s right for me to bring a new life into all this.

12. I was about 15 and realized I didn’t like kids. Since then, it’s been reason after reason why I shouldn’t have any. Ironically I’m pretty good with kids

13. I was a teenager, and it just kinda dawned on me that there are people who don’t have kids, by choice. And I was like..that sounds good to me. In my 20s, I was in a long term relationship that ended because he wanted kids. It was the most painful experience of my life but if I was ever going to doubt being childfree, that would have been the time. But I didn’t question it for even a second.