I’m losing my mind. I feel so unbelievably lonely it’s getting to me REALLY badly.
I think I’m kind, funny, and smart. I do. I’m someone who does a lot of self work and I really do think overall my personality isn’t something that drives people away. I am very social and have a lot of friends. I also think I am attractive enough to find someone. I try to put alot of effort into how I look.
In the last year, I’ve talked to multiple guys, all ending in nothing. It seems I continually get used for sex, and then dropped.
This most recent guy is REALLY affecting me though. He is really funny and smart, and has a soft side to him.
We started off rocky because once again he tried to sleep with me, but after I got upset he genuinely seemed really sorry, and told me he’d do better. He came over the other day and didn’t try a single thing. When I initiated something, he told me no he just wanted to be friends. That was fine, I dont need sex. But now he’s been ignoring me for the last few days.
I’m really upset because it seems like such a 180. We had been texting and talking sexually for days in advance before he came over. Even though we didn’t sleep together that day, we had ALOT of fun and laughed and all of that. He had hinted to me before that he likes me romantically, but also said he’s “not good at relationships”.
This always seems to happen. I don’t understand. It seems every guy ONLY wants me for sex, which hurts, but this time it’s really getting to me because I guess I was stupid enough to believe he had just as much fun as I did without sex.
I don’t know I’m just rambling, why does no one want to date me? Why does this keep happening? Please help, I’m breaking my own heart and I really can’t take it anymore.
tldr ; guys only want me for sex, and I don’t know why
4 comments
I’m a bit confused. It’s fine to want to take things slow and tell somebody you don’t want to have sex yet, and you say things started off rocky because he tried to have sex before you were ready. But then you say you two had been texting and talking sexually for days. Why were you doing that when you want to take things slow and not have sex early into the relationship? If you want to take things slow – make that clear from the start and don’t engage in a bunch of sexual talk. That talk should start happening as you start getting to a point where you do want to have sex with the person. This is coming across a bit as you giving mixed messages, and you not filtering your dating pool for people who are happy to go slowly by encouraging and engaging in a bunch of sexual talk.
Well, look for the common denominators. Where are you meeting them? What kind of vetting are you doing?
You said no to sex, so he wanted to be just friends. So then you said yes to sex. And now he’s ghosted you. He wanted you for sex. He knew if he slept with you now, you would think it was more. And for him … It wasn’t more. So he bailed. That one isn’t all that hard to figure out.
If you are only dating online, stop it. Get involved in your hobbies. Meet people organically. And do something to get your loneliness resolved, because they smell that shit and it makes people run.
Hang in there.
Forgive me but I want to ask an unkind question that might be a root cause depending on the answer. You mentioned that you try to put a lot of effort into how you look.
By that do you mean that you exercise regularly and take care of your body, or that you dress well appropriately to your body shape, or does that mean you take a lot of time with cosmetics, or that you do extra things like cosmetic lip fillers etc?
If you are tired of being used for sex, stop making yourself available to be used. Make your boundaries and needs clear. If you want to be in a committed relationship, then act like it and make it known. Why would you continue to get involved with someone and potentially have sex with someone who has explicitly told you he’s “not good at relationships?”
Then you’re here on reddit pulling a surprised pikachu face when you give it up and *shock* these men are “not good at relationships” and dump you for the next warm hole? What’s so shocking about people using each other for sex purposes only? It seems to be the norm these days.
TL;DR: You’re not being adequately selective with the people you involve yourself with, and you’re not communicating your needs appropriately. Change that.