I’ve been hooking up with him for a couple of years. We met on a dating app and it has just been that. Nothing more. I am a little emotionally attached to him but he just comes over for sex and leaves. I decided to be spontaneous and I drove 7 hours one weekend to see him because he moved and I wanted to take a break from work. We had sex and he came in me. He didn’t even kiss me or was affectionate. He came over after a night out with his friends so he was pretty drunk too.
Weeks later I text him that I missed my period and it has been all down hill from there. He got extremely upset and told me to handle it and how he already has two of his own and how he doesn’t want to take on another one at all. He tells me that he is also moving across the country again and how it was always just sex between us. He has told me in the past before that he has some but I never believed him until this number started texting me asking to talk to me. It was some girl who said it was his wife so I hung up and she starts texting me that I need to get rid of it, how I was nothing but a hook up and how “ it is so incredibly retarded of you to even keep it if you are. You will look stupid as fuck and we will make your life a living hell. “ She then calls me a few more times and texts me that I need to never contact him again or else there will be problems.
Then, I get a text from someone claiming to be his sister ( he has mentioned her before but I know nothing about his life ) and she seemed to be a bit more reasonable. She texts me introducing herself and says that I need to think long and hard if I might be and to make a right decision. She mentioned that I need to realize that her brother will sign his rights away and how him and his “ wife “ are talking about taking some type of legal action to protect themselves. She says everyone is pretty devastated but they realize he is dumb. She also did say that no one in their life knows who I am and that again, it is stupid if I keep it. I replied and told her to stop contacting me.
And THEN, I have a friend of his who called my phone who was telling me how his wife is going to come after me and how its best for everyone that if I am pregnant to just abort it. I just listened to him and then hung up and blocked him.
This morning I wake up to a long text ( not from his friend but from him ) that he doesn’t love me at all, he has just used me for sex and that he wants absolutely nothing to do with me anymore and how he won’t be involved at all and will do his best to change and block his number and even change his name. How it isn‘t best as he already has kids and it was a mistake that he came over. How his family will hate me and how his Mom and his Wife and her Mom are going to come after me ( apparently his mom is a lawyer ) and he said that he will sue me “ into oblivion for emotional distress “ and he will try his hardest to take my home away from me. I forgot to mention that I do live at home with my parents too.
Edit update: I forgot to mention that he also texted me a picture of him and his girl with their supposed kids to prove that he wasn’t lying. He said that I need to think long and hard about the future and he will seriously not be involved. He blurred their faces so I don’t know if its them. There is a lot about him I do not know as it has always just been sex between us. He also says his family will not be accepting of me because I am not the same race as him and I am not “ on the same socioeconomic level. “ And that if I hope I am okay continuing to be in the shadows for the rest of his life and again, how much he will not be involved. He said if I am, he’d rather ruin his own life and do something drastic to not have to take care of a child by me even if that includes putting his own parental rights with His at risk.
TLDR: Might of gotten pregnant from a hook up and how his friends and family are reaching out to me to get rid of it.
44 comments
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Have you taken a pregnancy test yet?
Do not delete any of the texts from him or his family. They might come in handy down the line.
Get a pregnancy test. No point in dealing with all this drama if you’re not pregnant.
This is all crap from his and his family side. Pending where you are – you can demand child support!
All the other crap is just noice.
The question is – are you pregnant. Do you want to have a child. Can you have a decent lifestyle being a single mother.
If the answer is yes to all three – give them the finger – and get yourself a lawyer. They are harassing you.
Hope all the best!
One, he can’t sign away his rights. The courts will force him to pay child support regardless. Doesn’t matter if his mom is a supreme court justice, if the DNA shows it’s his, they will take the money from his paycheck.
Two, why would you have this child though? What will you tell the child? “You were conceived because mommy didn’t believe daddy when he repeatedly told her she was nothing to him and that he was only using her body for sex. Daddy hates your guts and wishes that you were never born. Daddy’s wife, because mommy is the side piece, also wants you to die.” Why would you bring a child into that situation?
Well his mummy can’t be a very clever lawyer if she’s letting him and his family text this threatening shit to you. They are handing you all the evidence you need.
Change your number. Do what you want. Good luck.
If you want the baby and to be a single mom, you keep the baby.
He can sign away his rights but will still be responsible for child support.
Also, do you really want his child?
What is the point of this post? Either you are pregnant or not and you either want to keep it or you don’t.
The fact you desparartely chased after a married man for unprotected sex despite him clearly having zero respect for you and his family now hasstling you to abort a child you don’t even know exists yet is just irrelivant and frankly embarressing for a 36 year old to have to relate. Keep it or don’t
> He came over after a night out with his friends so he was pretty drunk
So you sexually assaulted someone who was drunk?
Decide if you want to be a single mother, potentially chasing him down for child support he may not even pay. If you do, keep all the texts he’s sent, his family and friends have sent, record any future phone calls (if your state/country allows that) and see about establishing paternity through the courts once your child is born, getting a lawyer to help get custody etc. More importantly maybe ask a legal advice sub any recommendations based on where you live.
Honestly you should have waited to find out if you’re actually pregnant to text him as you’re just fwb. Since it’s too late for that, you either keep it or don’t. His “family” (probably just him using different google numbers) has no say in it. Keep all the texts as proof if you need it.
Do you really want to be connected to these people for the rest of your life? You don’t even know if your pregnant yet. You decide you want to keep it, go ahead. Though be ready to be a single mom.
I’m sorry, but this all just seems desperate. Why would you tell him that if you weren’t 100% sure? For attention? When he made it very clear what you were to him. JUST a hookup and yet, you kept begging for more.
He was drunk.
And couldn’t make the right decisions.
So you let him come in you.
I’m not going to get into the whole SA debate as I have a feeling you wouldn’t care, but based off your post, it seems like you’re trying to baby trap him.
And why would you email his ex girlfriend texts between you two? I can’t decide if that’s creepy or insecurity.
Did you really expect this to have a different ending? Like he would magically fall in love with you, and you two would live happily ever after? You literally, purposely did this to yourself, so now what?
Are we going to just ignore the fact that this person admits to having sex with this guy while he was drunk??
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I would personally get an abortion to get this guy out of my life forever. Can you imagine how toxic and horrible the next 18+ years are going to be?
Pregnancy is also a very dangerous time in a woman’s life. A leading cause of death in pregnant women is homicide and this isn’t really boding well.
Abortions can be sad, but sometimes is the best choice for certain situations.
If you’ve really and truly decided you want this baby anyway, just know he’s full of shit. He can’t sue you for emotional damages for getting pregnant.
He likely won’t be able to sign his rights away either, so he’ll be hooked on child support. If in the united states or many other places.
Message him once to tell him you aren’t getting an abortion, to leave you alone, and expect a court summons for child support soon. Don’t even have to let him know the government still knows who he is even if he changes his name.
If he and his friends won’t leave you alone, file for harassment charges if possible and a protective order against him. If you have a restraining order, he can be arrested for having others message or contact you on his behalf.
ETA: you don’t even know if you’re pregnant?? Take a test. If you’re a week late, it will be positive if you are pregnant. If it’s negative, that means you likely just ovulated later than normal or stress or similar is prolonging your cycle. Don’t deal with all this drama on a big fat maybe.
First of all, determine FOR SURE if you are pregnant. That needs to be your top priority.
Secondly…girl. You need to get your shit together. You’ve been hooking up with a man that you’ve made clear has zero affection for you, and this is the result – he will not eb supportive and frankly is acting aggressively because he has proven he has zero affection for you.
You drive 7 hours to see someone that would die for you, not someone like this, who doesn’t even see you as the other woman, but as a tool to use.
Save the texts. Try to only communicate by text going forward. If you have the baby, you need to accept you will be a single parent and the child will not have him as a father and will likely be antagonistic to the child period. That child will not be friends with his siblings. They will share genetics, but their mother and the father they share clearly want to make it clear they are from a different world.
I’m going to be really harsh.
1 – you are in a “just sex” relationship with a married man.
2 – you know he doesn’t have any affection or feelings for you what-so ever
3 – you are comfortable being used for sex
4 – you never had a conversation about what would happen if you got pregnant and you two decided to have sex without a condom
5 – you think you are pregnant but have not tested
6 – you called him and blew everything up without having tested
7 – you are on reddit complaining about all of that and it appears you STILL have not tested.
8 – You know he doesn’t want a relationship with you. He and his wife have made it clear they are staying to gether and they have children.
Sis, this guy has made it clear for a very long time that he does not actually care about you as a person. He just doesn’t. He wants physical gratification from you and that is all. Why have you stayed in any sort of a relationship with someone who flat out does not care about you?
You need to take a pregnancy test and work on your self esteem. Stop calling him. Stop calling his girl friend, his wife, his sister, him… just STOP. Go to dollar store and get a pregnancy test. Take the pregnancy test. Once you know if you are pregnant then sit with the information and figure out what YOU want.
It sounds like what you want is to use the baby to force him into a relationship with you. He does not want a relationship with you. He doesn’t want the baby and he does not want you. A baby is not going to change that. If you want to have the baby then you have two options: 1) be a fully single parent and file for child support (but leave him alone like he has requested or 2) put the child up for adoption with a loving family.
So you sexually assaulted someone too drunk to consent. And want to have a kid who wants nothing to do with you.
Are we supposed to be sympathetic or…?
Get the abortion. You’re gonna f-up this child.
I mean, to me it seems like both of you are not exactly stable people. If I were you I’d abort, not because of his harassment, but because you would be bringing an innocent child into a very fucked up situation. Do you even want to be tied to this guy for life? Even with child support, raising a child as a single mom is extremely rough. Get rid of this pregnancy and move on, and learn to love yourself.
i’m so sorry for all of this, but driving 7 hours for a man ur not even in a relationship with is completely insane??? that’s not spontaneous that’s dumb asl. you do whatever you want, but pls wake up and love yourself.
Save all those texts and keep them for your lawyer. Tell them to stop contacting / harrassing you or you’ll get a lawyer. If they don’t stop: Get a lawyer. Hand over the texts and get a restraining order.
If you are pregnant: Decide wether you want the child or not. If you keep it: Get a lawyer and have them file for a court ordered paternity test if you want the father to at least pay child support – or have them deal with the father to sign away his rights.
Under no circumstances engage with that crazy family anymore without a lawyer.
How long have you and this dude been having casual sex?
Him having a wife two kids and an ex-girlfriend you were able to contact seems like a long time.
Why are you even bothering with a married man?
You seem to be jumping the gun a lot too being that you haven’t even taken a test. You are 36 and as you get older your period definitely gets wonky. I am 32 and I just had to get a hystorectomy this year.
If you want to keep the baby that’s your choice. But it’s probably in the best interest of your mental health and peace to just not bother with this dude. Focus on yourself and getting your life together for this potential child.
Also save ALL of the texts he has sent you both in electronic files and printed documentation until the potential child turns 18.
If you aren’t pregnant then block his number and move along. Find a dude closer to your age who can help you grow and mature.
This has to be a troll post. SO much drama without even knowing if she is actually pregnant? Please.
I’m going to give you what I believe is string advice.
Firstly find out if your actually pregnant. Someone at your age should be so slow off the mark before telling others.
Secondly, if you are, either get rid of it or put it up for adoption. Aside from him, I don’t think you’re capable of providing a safe and loving home environment for a child.
You said you “might be pregnant.”
Take a darn pregnancy test first before letting everyone know that you are “pregnant.”
you’re 36 years old.
you should know better
I know you’re really hoping you are bc it’s obvious you’ve been determined to get this guy to love you with your tactics for a long time.
What are you going to do when you’re not? Because you’re immediately calling him before you even know shows you were looking for that fairy tale ending by getting pregnant.
You’re not getting it, op. Even if you are pregnant. He’s not going to change his mind.
You showed us your true intentions when you buried in comments the very relevant bit about you forwarding your texts with him to his ex. Why? To lay claim to him when he’s made it clear you have none?
Next guy who comes along i suggest not trying the baby trap method. Go with a donor if you must.
Maybe I missed this but nowhere in the post did I read that OP is in love with the guy or hoping for more. She’s been upfront about their relationship being sex only. She’s a 36 year old grown ass woman not some starry eyed teenager getting swindled by a dude. And all she did was tell the guy her period is late – not demanding a relationship or anything. And the whole family starts to threaten her lol. And the dude needed to keep telling her that she meant nothing. For all we know, the guy meant nothing to OP and she too was using him for sex.
Maybe you’ve omitted a lot of details. But this is a lot of drama over a single missed period conversation when the pregnancy is not even confirmed. It’s like everyone is taking crazy pills.
Damn, guys. I think she’s really about to keep this baby just to stay in his life. This is sad girl, I hope you do better for yourself
Go to the doctor and find out if you’re pregnant right now
If you are, get an abortion.
If you don’t want one, catalogue and save all of these texts and talk to a lawyer immediately about full custody and child support
It’s pretty clear you’re not actually interested in advise based on your replies, but even if you were, there is nothing to advise on. You just blew up a whole bunch of drama based on a hypothetical.
First of all, confirm it you are pregnant.
Secondly, I doubt the texts are from his family especially if his mother is a lawyer. He or his mates are sending them to get you to abort because you are about to blow up his life and expose his cheating to his unsuspecting partner and kids. This threats are meaningless. If you are pregnant, he can not see the child if he wants but he will be paying for it regardless.
> I decided to be **spontaneous** and drive 7 miles…
Doing this without a plan the most concerning part to me.
She desperately needs help, I hope she gets some soon.
You make very poor decisions. I doubt that being a mother would be a good choice for you , and God only knows what kind of drama you would drag your poor child through . IF , big ole I.F. you even ARE pregnant . You just wanted to stir up a shit storm . Congratulations !
So wtf is your question girl?
God, posts like this piss me off. Didn’t need to read past the first paragraph. You’re 36 and are embarrassing yourself. You should KNOW that you can miss a period or 2 without being pregnant. Get your fucking test done and leave that man alone
What advice are you looking for?
You can keep the kid and be a single mom. And put him on child support. He won’t ever be involved.
Or you can get an abortion
He doesn’t want you. He won’t be a father to the kid. And basically thinks you are worth less than the gum on the bottom of his shoe.
This is going to sound harsh and I might be downvoted but why tf would you want to bring a child into this mess?? Its selfish honestly and to you this was just a hookup so why bother bringing a child into this toxicity, I know damn well I wouldn’t. I don’t think you understand how bad it would be to do that, it makes no sense
This whole thing is just bonkers. First of all having sex with someone that’s super drunk when you’re sober is SA. Also what the fuck have you been doing letting a man use you like this for years. You’re not a stupid 18yr old. Second actually determine if you are pregnant before fucking up everyone’s lives.
Im going to tell you this because clearly you don’t have friends who are going to. I wanna know who the fuck hooks up with someone for years and doesn’t know anything about their hookup? Two you need get your life girl you are pushing 40, are you really trying to have a kid with someone that doesn’t even see you as anything more than a booty call? You know he doesn’t want the kid so either you need to make the decision if you are pregnant to keep it or get rid of it. He doesn’t want you and he never will it’s really as simple as that, stop acting dickmatized.
How are you 36 with such bad decision making skills?
Take a pregnancy test.
If it’s negative, great.
If it’s positive, I **HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY** recommend termination. He’s a liar. He’s a cheater. His “wife” is psycho. His “sister” isn’t far behind. He’s threatening you. Why on G-d’s little green earth would you EVER want to tie yourself to this fool?
Once you’re done with nasty fool, get some help with learning how to make decisions and critical thinking.