Okay so I just don’t get it. I am very confident in beautiful. I’m very communicative and understanding. And I read social cues very well. So when I’m spending time with a guy, texting and getting to know them, I am very good at accurately reading them. But for some reason I get canceled on last minute by literally every guy. And it’s weird because none of them are similar in any way. I don’t have a type. I’ve already studied that part. And it’s always different. Once I got ditched with no word last minute. Ghosted. Another time I kept getting canceled on like I’d call him and be like dude why did u stop replying we just talked an hour ago and even tho we had plans suddenly his friend “stopped over”. The next guy kept getting migraines. Another guy made many different excuses for our plans very often. Tonight’s guy has a migraine, and I really wanna believe him cuz he hasn’t given me much reason to think otherwise, it’s his first time, and I know he’s interested and eager to meet me but it a so freaking hard to not be mad and STILL question if he’s lieing because this happens to me so much in life that I get completely triggered by it and have full blown ptsd mental breakdowns. I try so hard to work on this aspect of myself because I know that it comes from something deep and that there’s plenty of times people cancel and it doesn’t trigger me, however the fact that it so consistently happens to me is very alarming. One of my friends even said she doesn’t know anybody who gets canceled on as much as I do and thinks that I manifest it because I’m so afraid of it. Because there’s no patterns in my behaviors with men like none of these men have anything in common and I’m very conscious of how I act and I don’t even act the same with every man I talk to you because I’m the type of person who matches someone’s energy. I have a very confident and dominant energy so there’s a part of me that also questions if maybe I intimidate people and that plays a role in this. My friend said that she thinks men are intimidated by me and that I don’t see how beautiful I am or see my own value and she’s very right that I really kind of don’t a lot of times in my interactions with men. But please can any of you just give me some kind of insight as to why you would think that I always have this problem in life with being ditched last minute? It’s so painful to be so excited and get so ready for something and pick a great outfit and just be such a positive good minds day and then to be canceled on and know that that means now I’m gonna be sitting home alone on a Friday night doing nothing it just hurts so bad and I wish that I could learn how to cope with the pain but it triggers me on a level that I just can’t even comprehend and I wish I could understand why it keeps happening to me.
3 comments
do you think you may be over thinking this a little? i mean granted the issue here is without any of use knowing the full full story we cant be sure if there is any reason behind it, either way it sucks for you i get that :/ being a man myself i cant say its your beauty thats causing this anyway theres no need to be intimidated by that.
I think when you are in the dating phase, you should lower your expectations a lot. You will face a lot more disappointment than you expect if you hold such high standards just for dating. Save the higher standards later on when things are going to become a serious LTR. I feel like if you lower your expectations, then you wouldn’t be disappointed cause you expect people to suck, and it just makes decent people come out as pleasant surprises. You can start raising your standards when you plan to transition from dating to serious LTR.
I take the dating phase with a grain of salt. I don’t expect amazing people. I expect a lot of crappy ones and once in a while someone that goes beyond my expectations and I will do a couple of dates. If I wanted my date to become serious, then I will increase my standards.
aight couple of theories.
– you’re not as empathetic and good at reading social cues as you think you are. You say you’re very good at reading them but ware you really if you have no idea why all of them are cancelling?
– you’re overcompensating / seem desperate wich can be off putting. You say you are very confident but this post really doesn’t sound like it. And over compensating for your insecurities by pretending you’re very confident (even lying to yourself) can be off putting.
– you’re weird and have weird believes and men don’t really no how to tell you that once they know of them. I looked at your profile and well let’s just say some of the stuff you seem to believe is quite out there. For example i would never date a person who’s into horoscopes or any of that new age stuff (although i have the balls to tell that to peoples face immediately) So maybe you don’t act the same with every guy and a lot of guys think your hot and friendly at first but once you get going about idk seeing the number 666 or 999 everywhere they might want to nope the fuck out.
Now i’m not saying this is all true maybe some is maybe none idk it’s just what first came to mind as possible explanations. Also none of it obviously excuses guys lying or ghosting you. If they are not mature enough to just tell you they not feeling it then fuck them.