background – my bf got a new job and has been away doing training approximately 150 miles away. he comes home for weekends usually. he came home last week and said I made him miserable and that everything has to change (our share of the chores, splitting of the bills, etc)
we have never had an argument even close to the magnitude of that one. he’s never acted like that around me in all of our time together. he came home yesterday and we went out for a meal together. while I was driving us home I noticed him turn his phone away from me and open a snapchat from a girl I didn’t recognise. (I saw it in the window reflection) I did some snooping and found out it’s a girl from his new job. I asked him about it and he said that’s what she messaged him on and he isn’t going to not reply to her, and that she was just helping him with work. I don’t think he understood I wasn’t asking why she was messaging him, just why she had him on snapchat and why not the usual whatsapp which he’s already said his new company primarily use. I noticed he’s following her on instagram but not any of his other colleagues that he’s mentioned.
I know i’m being super paranoid and being a bit crazy but surely there’s some red flags here??? what do I do?
31 comments
You aren’t being paranoid, he’s being weird. Trust your gut
So, speculatively, he met another girl while away, got into it with her, has come back home and decided he has selling power and doesn’t need to be reasonable with you any more. He can now order you about, make you wash his underwear metaphorically, and if you cause him shit, well, he’s got a reason to break up with you AND he has someone else to run off to.
Tell me where this doesn’t fit the facts? He’s telling you to shape up or ship out, and he doesn’t mind which you do, but if want to keep him, you can suck it up and be his mom, maid and fuck buddy, and he may still run off to this other woman.
he likes his new co-worker. These are real red flags.
He wants to break up to be with this other girl, but he’s too much of a pathetic coward to say that, so he’s sabotaging your relationship to make you end it. I’m sorry.
You aren’t being paranoid. His sudden shift in attitude and finding fault in everything is a way of orchestrating fights and conflict. He’s found someone wise and has decided the grass is greener over there, so everything you do is going to be wrong.
Force a conversation. This isn’t healthy.
No paranoia here, you saw what you saw, your experience is real. Trust yourself here, your instincts are good.
Break it off!! He is starting fights so you will break up and he isn’t the bad guy. He is the bad guy and you deserve better!
yeah this isn’t good at all
There’s no paranoia or crazy about it, that’s your gut instinct. Listen to it.
Does your head hurt a lot? Because that pair of horns he put on you must be kind of heavy to carry around.
He’s probably cheating at least emotionally and is trying to get you to be the one to end it. I’m sorry. So you have to decide if you want to be the other woman in your own relationship.
I’m willing to bet you’re not being paranoid or abit crazy. Trust your gut
Listen to the harshest people here– they know what’s up. Whatever the true situation is, he doesn’t care about you and you deserve better.
I’d suspect infidelity and feeling superior to you
My ex husband and I had snapchat accounts which I thought was just for the filters and we used with our kids for fun. We were going through a rough patch and he was showing me and one of our kids something on his phone when I saw a snap chat recieved notification. He tried to get rid of the notification quickly but I asked him about it, he locked his phone and told me it was nothing and refused any conversation about it. I finally left him. Months later when we were getting along well and he knew i wasnt taking him back he admitted that it was nudes from someone he plays online games with. I wasnt upset anymore just appreciated the honesty at that stage. His snapchat score was over 1300 so who knows how long stuff like this went on for.
Don’t play dumb to yourself is the only advice I’m going to give. There are better forms of communication than snapchat and his attitude Change is a huge AF red flag
He’s too much of a spineless jerk and rather than being honest and breaking up with you he’s gonna be miserable in hopes that you’ll leave. And he can start a relationship with the person he’s been cheating on you with.
Right after a promotion? He thinks he deserves a vajay jay upgrade. He doesn’t. He’s not Tom Brady. Shut it down.
A huge 180 and a random girl from his new job on Snapchat? I’d start preparing yourself for moving out, or kicking him out. Whatever you have to do.
Hmmm mmm, follow that gut. Something is definitely up.
Professionally, you don’t message a coworker on Snapchat unless it’s for more than work…I would start moving him out/moving yourself out depending on who owns the place/name on the lease. Very sorry you found out this way, don’t listen to any of what he says, as it could very well be gaslighting.
Time to move on. If you don’t, he’ll make you miserable until you do, so you might as well skip that bs. Tell him you dislike the person he’s become in a mere six weeks, and wish him well.
Major change, Snapchat messages, picking huge fights… All indicate he’s no longer focused on just you.
No, you’re not being paranoid. He’s cheating and trying to make you the bad guy. Make him come clean and then decide what is right for YOU.
The only reason for snapshot is cheating. Period.
You aren’t being paranoid, he’s either already cheating physically, or it’s only at emotional affair level. He is gearing up to breaking up with you now.
Trust your gut.
Wake up.
He’s been gone for 6 weeks. He’s picking fights over stupid stuff. He’s hiding his phone from you. He’s adding new coworkers to his personal social media.
There are no lines to read between.
He’s cheating.
He’s trying to make you dump him.
Don’t. Make him do his own damn dirty work.
You don’t add coworkers on Snapchat for work purposes. He found someone new. See the red flags and let him go.
Looks like he is beginning to know his worth.
Good luck!
You’re not paranoid, you’re being classically gaslit. He wants you to break up because he’s a coward, so now he’s going to treat you badly until you want out. It’s pathetic, but sadly all too common.
You’re not being paranoid.
What you are being is cheated on.
Big red storm flags. He is being over the top to quickly for some person he just met. Not sure at what level you relationship has been but he’s being fed the usual BS of AP nonsense. This is where you discuss what is going on and what he’s looking for. Be upfront and honest with boundaries that when crossed could be not what you both want.
He’s cheating and hoping to piss you off enough so that you will walk away.