Hello, It’s official, me (21f) and my boyfriend (22m) are not together anymore. I wrote multiple posts on Reddit. I got roasted, he got roasted. I ended up deleting all the posts. People said he was selfish and an asshole. He stopped loving me. That’s it. I have to accept it. I don’t think calling him names will change that.
He might not have broken up with me very adequately but I know it wasn’t because he had bad intentions and wanted to hurt me. He just doesn’t really know what he wants and he always some commitment issues. I had a lot of love to give. He was very career focussed and always wanted to stay independent. He was definitely more avoidant and I was anxious. Not the best mix, but I believe we were really happy together and for a long time. He also said he believed he was really in love for some time.
I asked to talk to him yesterday. Last Friday, he had asked for some space and I had given him that to the point where I realized that it was very unhealthy to be left in the dark. He told me on Friday that he needed some time alone to see if he missed me. At this point, I don’t think waiting longer would’ve helped. His decisions was already taken, he just needed to take more time to be sure.
He said he didn’t love me anymore.
There’s a tiny part of me who says « what if it’s just natural to stop loving like this? ». We’ve been dating for almost 2 years, it’s more commitment than love at this point. We’ve been dating for so long it’s normal to not have butterflies anymore.
His reasoning was that he doesn’t really miss me anymore. And he says he would be glad to see me dating someone else if that meant that I was happy.
There wasn’t any specific problem. He only had good remarks for me. He said I was kind, caring, beautiful, smart… He said he could do better than me last time I talked to him. I asked him what he meant by that and I explained that I was disappointed. He said he meant that he could be with someone he really loved, We both agreed I deserved better. Breaking up is probably for the best. But right now I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.
People always say to not reach out and never call back because it won’t give you closure. I think I got closure yesterday.
The break up really came as a surprise. Everything had been going great for the last few weeks. I still have the instinct to say « my boyfriend ». I know time will heal my pain, but really I don’t think I’ve ever been so devastated.
He looked sad when we met yesterday but I didn’t see him shed a tear. He’s been on antidepressants for a couple of months, I like to believe that it’s the reason why he didn’t cry. I also think that might have contributed to the break up, apparently people who start antidepressant sometimes lose feelings or are not affected by emotions like love anymore.
I’m not hungry, I’m bored all of the time, I sob multiple times a day, my body hurts, I’m feeling sick, I’m nauseous. Everything bores me, I can’t study because I get bored and start to think about him. I can’t enjoy activities I used to like, I used to read, draw, paint, knit… everything seems boring. Food even tastes weird and bland. I’ve progressively stopped eating.
But the real pain is losing my best friend. I used to see him every day, sleep and cuddled with him whenever I wanted, could talk to him about my biggest fears and dreams. He was the only person in the world who made me feel safe, loved and wanted. I wish we could be friends but I know it would make me feel awful to never be able to kiss him or to see him date someone else. Now, I feel terrible and the only person I wish I could reach out to is him. It’s really ironic to have the person I loved the most cause me the worst heartbreak and not have this same person to reach out for help.
Tl;dr: My bf broke up with me yesterday. He said he didn’t love me anymore. The worst is understanding that we didn’t have a toxic or bad relationship. All I have to do now is accept it. I miss my best friend, I have never met a person who made me feel so good, happy, safe and comfortable. I’m not hungry, I’m nauseous, I’m bawling my eyes out and I’m extremely bored all the time. I’m even bored of distractions.