What am i even doing?

Ok so this guy likes me and i kinda like him too. But after thinking about it and rejecting him, i’ve come to the conclusion that i want to try to get over him while ignoring the fact that we can actually date. Because the idea of liking him without being able to have him sounds more satisfying to me than actually dating him. He thinks i don’t like him but i do and am trying to get over him. I can’t understand why i’m doing this but i’m trying to accept it without questioning it because this puts me more at ease than thinking about dating him. I’d like to think it’s some forbidden shit that we both have to move on from. But fr, i don’t deserve him. He’s such a nice guy and i’m a mess.