We get along really well. We have been connecting pretty well and I like him. He’s focused on himself really and building his wealth and pouring love into himself. I am on the same journey and we actually started these journeys around the same time. Yea he knows more and has more experience but I see it has being able to learn a lot. I am also mature for my age due to my life experiences growing up.
I know for some people it gives weird vibes or creep vibes. I don’t get these vibes from him at all.
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Isn’t saying that a woman your age doesn’t know what she wants or likes or what is good for her basically the same as calling her a child/infantilizing her?
That’s a very big difference at that age, but I don’t think it’s impossible for it to work. I know a couple that got married at 29 and 20 many years ago and stayed married for life.
If you’re a more mature than average 21 year old that probably helps also. Just be aware that if you stay together for life the odds are good that you will be a widow for over a decade (due to the age difference and women on average living longer).
Also you could be mismatched on retirement. He might retire years before you and have more free time when you don’t (unless you have enough money that you can retire early) and he could be in poor health when you retire and still healthy enough to do a lot of things.
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I was 30 & my wife was 20 when we met, been married 13 years. It can work
I did a nine year gap in my early 20’s and learned a lot. They challenged me to communicate and helped frame expectations for future relationships. And while we said we loved each other, cried when we broke up, and I got my only proposal in my life, I never deluded myself into thinking it was going to last forever. Too much life left to live at that age
It is a big gap. You two are in really different stages of life.
Yes and no. Yes because the early 20s you do a lot learning and maturing. If it was 31 and 41 not really because as you get older age makes less of a difference
I wouldn’t say as much as your age difference as you are on different levels of your life. He has experienced more than you. You need to talk about your lifestyles, life goals, home life, families, wants and needs in a relationship, marriage, kids, and such. I’m sure they will not be align with you being very young. He has probably been with more women sexually and I assume you most likely haven’t had all that much experience. Has he been married? Has he had a long term relationship? Is he divorced? Does he have kids?
My parents met when my dad was in his late 40s and my mom was in her early 30s, 20+ years later and they are still happily married.
I was in a similar situation as you. Same age gap. He chased me for months. I eventually gave in and things were great for a bit. It came to a point where I’d be practically begging to come over though. It got so bad that he’d be on his phone 99 percent of the time I was there. The sex which was once good became crappy and I no longer even liked him. He is not a bad person nor is he controlling or manipulative or have any “grooming” type of qualities. But I will tell you that I was just an easy place holder thing that worked well into HIS schedule (not mine mind you) and an easy way for him to get laid.
Just because he’s older does NOT mean he’s more mature. Just because he’s “more experienced” doesn’t meant he’s a good person or actually “has” experience. Ask yourself why is he looking at a girl your age. Ask yourself what he’s getting out of this and what you are. Ask yourself if this is what you REALLY want or your telling yourself you want. The second I ended things I realized yes duh I DO want a relationship. I DO want marriage and babies blah blah which he didn’t. But I let myself stay with him because I didn’t think I deserved better.
No I don’t think so. 9 years is not too big of an age gap, assuming you get along well and are at a similar maturity.
My 2022 resolution was to take my life back, to start doing things my way and standing up for myself!!! You have to realise that YOUR LIFE is built around you. You can’t give up on happiness just because of a societal flaw. You like this guy, you can learn from him as long as you’re happy don’t walk away just because of other people
The thing that sucks most about older men is they can seem mature and worldly but you get to know them a bit and discover that they’re probably emotionally stunted or emotionally immature. It’s hard to deal with someone more set in their ways when you’re much more capable of learning and being flexible. Also if you feel like you’re at his level at 21, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll outgrow him. You might be really mature for your age, but there’s a pretty good chance he isn’t. It could work, but be wary. You might be in a similar place professionally but it doesn’t mean you’re emotional intelligence is matched. I’m not saying it’s impossible or anything, just be aware.
No. I dated younger girls, had no problems.
You aren-t mature for your age. Lets start with that. You are 21 and new to life. You will look back at 30 and realize that.
Any guy that is 30 and isn’t multiple life and experience stages beyond you would be pretty sad and extremely emotionally immature for his age.
But you will ignore this and do it anyway. Remember, oh so mature for your age… The fact is that experience and wisdom is crucial. You can’t be mature while having no knowledge.