Honestly thats pretty much my problem. I (18M) didn’t go out with friends since November last year, and been spending a lot of time with my girl (18F). Every time I go out with them to chill (even if she’s with us) she gets all moody and sad and upset.
At first, I thought she felt like I didn’t give her the time I had; but its been a year and she’s obviously my number one priority, she recognized that and said she feels special for it.
So, I have a friend that I’ll call Mary (19F) and we’ve been friends for way longer than I beem dating my girlfriend, and we never had anything. Mary actually gave me advice when I started dating, and she’s currently in a romantic relationship too. We’re best friends for about 5 years.
I’m going to a party with Mary and her boyfriend. It’s late at night, lots of music and stuff and my GF doesn’t like that, so she said she wouldn’t come. I said ok, but I missed all the last times with my friends so I wanna go on this one. She said fine and is barely talking to me now. She said a few times she doesn’t like Mary, but I honestly have no idea why and she says she doesn’t know either. Mary helps me out when I need, talks to my gf pretty openly about everything as is a good person. But I think she’s even more pissed bc its with Mary.
What should I do? I was pretty open about everything. She knows where I’m going, she knows the friends I’m going with, I literally invited her. But no matter who it is, she gets sad when I have some time with friends.
TL;DR – My girlfriend always gets upset when I go out with friends. What should I do?
3 comments
Then your girlfriend is being insecure and unreasonable. You’ve done all the right things and there’s no threat to her, but she’s having a tantrum about it anyways and not trying to constructively deal with it.
She said it’s fine, so go and ignore her silent treatment. She can use her words or be a baby. She sounds petty and jealous.
Let her pout and go have fun with your friends. Recognize that you are with somebody who thinks it’s okay to get sad and ignore you and treat you worse because you decided to spend time with friends, and ask yourself if that is the sort of relationship you want. Personally, I would not want to be with somebody like that.
You need to set some basic expectations regarding maturity. She’s using emotional manipulation to disrupt your long-term relationships, she’s deliberately diminishing your quality of life by creating drama around basic socialization, and frankly? She’s being sexist.
It’s not a good look on her, trying to undermine other women by casting them as maneaters. It buys into the cultural poison of toxic misogyny.
You’re 18, so hanging with other women and learning to control urges now will save you a lot of grief in your 40s; you can’t imagine being jaded enough that any female will do, but everyone goes through a period in life where practiced and character-driven self-control is a life saver. Or at least a love & lifestyle preserver.
She has the right to feel her feelings, and as a teen those are strong. But rather than learn to let those feelings flow through without causing harm to her own life, and to the people around her, she’s using them to manipulate. It’s a habit creates very unpleasant people, and in this case, it’s feeding the worst side of our culture.
Jealousy. Sexism. A sense of ownership over another person. No no no.