So like the title says, I’ve been having some trouble with engaging in conversation with my friends and their other friends. Just last week I was meeting with a friend(let’s call her G) I hadn’t seen in about a month and we were gonna hang out at an event my university was having. To my knowledge it was gonna be me, G, our other friend(let’s call her S) and G’s roommate. For context, me, G and S are in the same friend group and have been friends since we were 15. We are 19 now. We aren’t super close but I wanted to become closer to them. G and S are also besties and have been since 6th grade. Back to the story. I was fine with that because although I didn’t know the roommate I knew both G and S since we’re in the same friend group and it wouldn’t be so awkward.
Fast forward to the event, we all met and it was ok but I was having trouble participating in the conversations they were having because they kept speaking about things I didn’t know about. While we were waiting in line for an event to start(for about 10 min), I didn’t say one word because I couldn’t figure out how to insert myself. I felt super awkward and embarrassed because they just kept talking and I felt really left out. We ended up going to get something to eat and all of a sudden more of G and S’s friends show up to join us. I’m talking like 4-5 more people appeared. At this point I was feeling very annoyed and uncomfortable because to my knowledge it was supposed to be just us 4.
I didn’t have a problem with the friends that showed up because we all went to the same high school together but I just wasn’t friends with them. We sat down for dinner and everyone was talking to each other and I was the only silent one. I didn’t know what to say and I was so embarrassed that I wanted to cry. I ended up making up a stupid excuse that I had work soon so I could leave. I’m very socially awkward/anxious so it’s hard for me to genuinely make connections with other people. Literally all the friends I have now are friends I made in middle/high school. I was much more confident and carefree back then. I was really looking forward to catching up with my friends and this really discouraged me.
To make matters worse I felt really jealous about the fact that G’s roommate is closer to my friends than I am. She’s even closer to G and S’s friends and I’m not even though I’ve known them much longer. I’m not sure how I could’ve done a better job in that situation. It’s like my mind went blank and no one said anything to me. What could I have said to join in on the convo? I would have loved to be friends with G and S’s friends because they are genuinely cool people but we just don’t hang out unless G and S are around. I hate feeling like the odd one out.