hes my first boyfriend. It’s really hard right now and I don’t know anymore what I can do to help him besides leaving him. I want to still be his friend, but I feel like I shouldn’t just so he can realize he needs help. I can’t get him help unless he really wants it and he doesn’t want it right now. He really felt like a best friend. He was never violent yet, never mean, but he’s on the edge of losing touch with reality and it makes me sad. I miss him sober. I miss him sober. He’s taking me down with him and I just need to leave. I’ve done meth with him 3 times now. I don’t want to be an addict. No one knows in my life except my friend who doesn’t care and my cousin but she’s just been pushing me farther away. I love him, not the drug. We were doing so good for awhile. We would wake up together, get protein smoothies, exercise, he would educate me and pushed me to be more goal oriented and helped me discover a new career that actually interested me. Now I’m going to school for it and he was going to help me since it starts this upcoming week. I know I need to run away. His parents don’t know about his addiction. His friends know he’s using but don’t know to what extent. Only I do and it makes me sad. I’m afraid of telling anyone because I don’t want him to get scared and leave, but also he needs to want help. He showed me where he stores his meth. I almost threw it away when he was at work but I didn’t want him to shut me out so I put it back. I hate giving up on people. What can I do as a last effort ?
TLDR; my boyfriend does meth and is bringing me down with him.
UPDATE: He was supposed to help me today move out of my apartment and he told me not to come over and he can’t today. I went over to his house to drop the rest of his shit off that I had and turns out he was high again. My fucking chest hurts but I broke up with him and told him it’s because of meth. I miss him when he was sober. I haven’t told his parents but I’m thinking about reaching out to his mom later tonight. He said he wants to stop feeling the way he feels and is willing to get help, but I feel like it was an attempt to have me stay.. but he said he will tell his mom when she gets home. I told him to come back to me when he’s sober.
Update 2; thank you everyone for your comments and suggestions I really appreciate it. I feel like A lot of the comments are somewhat insensitive to him but I don’t think he’s a bad person for being an addict, i made my choices, I think he’s a victim.
I do know he has a good support system and that he will be fine in the future. I reached out to his mom explaining how we broke up, and how I still love and care for him but he’s not capable of being in a relationship right now. I didn’t go into specifics but just said that he needs to get clean and have support but I can’t do it anymore. I genuinely have a lot of love for him and faith that he will be fine. I have a therapist appt this week so I’m excited for that and want to make sure to get some support from friends and family for myself so I can make sure I’ll be okay too.
42 comments
Run fast and far. Don’t go down that path.
Knowing when to give up on something is a valuable skill. Time to learn it.
Your story and his are not unique or special. This is how it goes every single time.
Leave, leave, leave now he is a bad influence and no matter how much you love him. He’s trying to get you just as addicted as he is (the fact that he’s already got you doing it with him), that is not love (love protects). Run and dont ever look back. If you stay you will 100% become the very thing you’re saying you don’t like. Nothing good can come from this. He doesn’t want help, there’s nothing that can be done. Protect yourself.
Leave before you ruin your life
From extensive personal experience, having been on both sides of this equation, I can say with certainty that there is nothing that you can do for him. Addiction is an extremely complex beast, but one of its most consistent features is that a person cannot and will not get sober unless they want to. Often a person needs to experience extreme and consistent consequences before they decide that it is time to change.
I know it is hard to hear, but the best thing that you can do for him is to leave. This does not make you a bad person at all. What it does is model that the people in his life will not tolerate this type of self-destructive behavior. It is important to know that loving this person means doing what is best for you and him. Let him know that you are there for him when he is ready to get help, but getting out of this situation is imperative for your survival.
If you have any questions about addiction or getting sober or dealing with the emotional fallout of someone else’s addiction, let me know. I am happy to offer my experience.
Get help for him by telling the people who care about him what is happening, his parents for instance.
Leave and protect yourself. Get help for yourself if necessary, talk about this to people who have your back, if you have no one talk to a doctor. Doing meth is very quickly addictive.
Try talking to him about the problem if you feel like it’s safe to do so.
Leaving is imperative even if he says that he’s going to try and change. If the relationship is safe you can be there for him but from a distance.
This might feel like a betrayal for him but it’s you doing what’s right for him and for yourself.
Best of luck.
The drug is part of him. Also the only one really dragging you down is yourself. No You are the one dependent on “his love” that you decided to use meth, become submissive and not express your real thoughts, and not leaving the relationship. It is easy to blame and scapegoat other things than to hold things accountable. It is not the drug’s fault really. He found ways to access it and actively use it. Not like the drug magically appears out of thin air. This is who he is and he is responsible for his own choices. Also you are accountable for your own choices too. Friends not caring and relatives putting distance because the truth is no matter how much you tell someone not to do something, they don’t stop unless they choose to.
There are no shortcuts to life. Everybody faces personal issues and requires them to take action themselves to fix them. Avoiding or asking others to fix your own mess you made doesn’t work. No adult can be supervised 24/7 like a workplace and miceomanaged to be behaving properly. There needs to be reliability in order to trust that they can function independently. Take accountability for your own choices, make new decisions, and take care of yourself. The druggie will be responsible for his own life. You should cut off all contact with him and set your life straight instead of following the druggie.
No one has mentioned this yet, but you are in incredible danger. Addicts are unpredictable and unreliable, especially meth addicts. He could become violent or put you in danger in a different way because you are no longer his priority, getting high on meth is. You are already on the path to becoming an addict yourself if you stay with him. You only have two choices, leave him and have a good life, or stay with him and become an addict. It is that simple, even if the reality is harsh. You cannot help him, I’m sorry.
Just because you love him doesn’t mean it’s worth ruining your life. Right now he loves what the drug can do for him more than he loves you. It’s time to go.
Oh honey. you need to leave him. Youre in danger. You do not want to be the co-dependent/enabler to an addict, its awful hopeless and will only hurt YOU in the long run. you can fix him. you can only save yourself. Youre also in danger of becoming a meth addict, that shit is fucking EVIL and will destroy you.
Get help. Run away.
wishing you the best. ❤️
You need to protect yourself first, and that means leaving.
He doesn’t want to get better, so no matter what you do, nothing will change.
Pack your bags and leave. block him on your phone.
The only other option is to become a meth addict.
RUNNNNNN I know a person just like you…she is dead now. He died of an OD afterwards because he couldn’t deal. She was no help to him nor will you be for this person. It does not get better. Pretty sure not one person will tell you to stay so
In 2019 i moved in with a friend and his gf. I didnt know at the time but they were addicted to meth. Long story short leave before you ruin your life. I eventually got curious, tried it and never stopped. I regret not leaving when i had the chance. Please leave while you can.
Print out your post. Read it to yourself as if it was given to you by your best friend and also your future daughter. What would you tell her to do?
>> hes my first boyfriend. It’s really hard right now and I don’t know anymore what I can do to help him besides leaving him.
You break up with him, and/or just walk away. It truly is not that difficult.
>> I want to still be his friend
No! Block him everywhere and do not seek him out. Leave!
>> I can’t get him help unless he really wants it and he doesn’t want it right now.
Not your responsibility! That’s his own responsibility, and the consequences are entirely his own. Leave!
>> He really felt like a best friend.
No, he wasn’t. He was the only person in your life which you are now dependent on. Leave him!
>> He’s taking me down with him and I just need to leave.
Yes, so leave!
Inform his parents and his friends, and tell his parents you are leaving him effective immediately due to his drug habits and you will not be a part of this. Let his parents do their job.
Leave him and tell him that it’s because of the drugs. Don’t say “If you get gelp I’ll stay.” No. You have to show him the consequences of his addiction. You’ll actually help him if you leave and if he actually cared about you. But you can’t go back you have to actually leave. For your sake obviously and for his as well.
You are not responsible for his choices and you cannot ‘save’ him. There is no last effort here, except maybe for leaving information about where to get help as you walk out the door and never look back.
Meth changes your brain and sadly, can make people delusional, paranoid and violent. Do it long enough and the changes are permanent. Please get out. You can make the choice to save yourself.
omg girl run. Do not do meth again, it will fucking ruin your life forever. Just leave, go anywhere but near him or any other drug addicts. Fuck. Tell his parents while you’re at it. This is not worth saving.
You’re basically enabling his addiction by doing what you’re doing and setting yourself up to become one yourself. It’s hurting him by doing that and it’s definitely hurting you. Stop. It’s hard, yes, but it has to stop.
Tell his parents and block him everywhere. Tell your parents and move somewhere you can surround yourself with a support system.
“What can I do as a last effort?”
Assuming they aren’t total asshats tell his parents. The GTFO to save yourself. In the future you can be moral support from a safe distance.
My ex fiancee went from “party girl” to self destructive drug abuser. I stayed in part to help her. Then shit happened and I came frighteningly close to going down with her. My entire future could have been destroyed. As can your with single arrest over HIS drugs…
Learn to give up on people. My ex is a crack-head, and didn’t little baby me start smoking crack for seven years. I’m still poor and depressed and we’ve been broken up for three years.
Right now you’re enabling him. He’s not gonna stop while you’re sitting there smoking with him and he’s not gonna stop whilst in a relationship.
I know exactly what is going to happen in your future if you don’t leave. It’s like clockwork, I’ve seen it dozens of times… if you think you’re special and this somehow doesn’t apply to you, save my post and look at it in a decade, I’m gonna take the opportunity now to tell future-you “I told you so”.
I’ve been there, I know you fucking love him but you need to protect yourself. Also being trauma-bonded to a drug addict is super not fun. I’d still take a bullet for that stupid fucking man and he ruined my life. Disengaged please OP
I’m currently going through this myself. I’m (30f) and getting divorced from my soon to be ex-husband (32m). In October 2022 he started hanging out with his hairdresser who smokes meth and the hairdresser introduced him to her best friend who also smokes meth. My soon to be ex-husband is now addicted to meth and is losing his grip on reality but he’s flipping it all on me. We’ve been together for 10 years and married for 4 years. Everything has crashed, burned, and crumbled since October.
I feel shame and embarrassment over my soon to be ex’s meth addiction. I’ve told very very few trusted people. I think soon I’ll need to tell his mom about his addiction. She doesn’t understand whats going on or why he’s acting the way he is.
It’s so sad. I’m very sorry. Talk to me if you need to. I get it.
He’s got you using now. Leave. Turn around and walk away. Don’t let him ruin your life.
You leave. He’s given up on himself. Don’t let him destroy you too.
Hi, you sweet, beautiful, loving person. Right now, you’re probably feeling any semblance of control slipping from your fingers, and you will do anything to save the person you love.
Unfortunately, it is not your problem to solve. You are not physically capable of fixing this. No matter how much you throw yourself into it, he has to do this on his own.
If you don’t leave, it will only get worse. And I know you think it will break you to walk away, but it is nowhere close to how bad it will hurt to stay. Because if you do stay, you won’t just be losing him, you’ll be losing yourself, too.
I can’t go back in time to force myself to listen, but I pray with every fiber of my being that you will. Please walk away and don’t look back.
The people in the world of meth can also be dangerous. He may never hurt you , but the type of people in that world just might. And STOP USING WITH HIM.
I say this as someone with a real fondness of amphetamines, with friends who couldn’t control it:
Get out. There’s no more common story then a girl being hooked on drugs bc her boyfriend is using. I’ve seen it many times IRL, and it *always* ends up badly.
As long as you stay, you’re helping him use. The only way you can help him, if he refuses to quit, is to leave and not look back.
If he doesn’t want to stop, you can’t compete with meth, no matter what you do, how you look, or how much he loves you.
I’m sorry. You are showing a lot of awareness of yourself and the situation. There is still nothing you can do for him or yourself, besides leaving him, and I wouldn’t be a friend in this situation. He is a danger to himself and you as well. Throwing away his stash could have violent results, plus he could always get more.
I have personal experience with this type of situation, including meth dabbling turning into a daily/hourly habit and also wanting to be supportive of someone’s recovery. It ruined my life for over a decade. Please get out. I hope he can kick this but you cannot make him.
Its him or you at this point. If you stay, you’ll lose whoever you are. Theres a reason people say not even once with meth. It’s not selfish to pick your health and safety.
You can’t care more for someone than they care for themselves. You gotta get out of there…
Honey, my brother was a meth addict. I lost him to that addiction. DO NOT STAY. DO NOT LET HIM DRAG YOU DOWN. You can’t help him while you’re still in it with him. You can’t even help him at all. He has to want to get better. He has to be the one to put in the work. You are in danger and you need to leave. If you’re not comfortable telling anyone why, just say you didn’t agree on what your futures looked like and leave it at that.
Please take care of yourself first. Do not set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Leave. Get out while you can. The sober him is gone, and even if he were to get clean, he will never be the same person you knew. There is literally nothing you can do.
You answered the question yourself, lovey.
Get out of there ASAP and put this behind you. It’ll be hard but you already know how this is going to end – with him bringing you down.
You’ve got this. You really really do.
Know when to fold ‘em. (Fold ‘em).
He’s got a long journey ahead of him, should he decide to get sober. Just get out now. It’s not selfish. You’re not giving up on him. You’re choosing yourself. That’s what a normal healthy person SHOULD do.
PLEASE leave. Seriously. You have to get out.
That lifestyle will END YOU. For real. Do NOT get caught up in that, you will regret it every day of your life.
GET OUT NOW.
sober him is gone. addiction changes people beyond recognition and if you stay you will come to hate him and yourself. he will get clean if and when he’s ready. you can’t do anything make him ready sooner. you can only protect yourself. That is what your family is pulling away from you for, to protect themselves. If you leave him and commit to your own sobriety, you may find people in your life more open to connection
The first rule of emergency response is don’t become another victim. He is drowning. Drowning people are very dangerous because in their panic, they will try to climb on top of whoever tries to save them. You are not his lifeguard, you are someone he is currently climbing on top of. Staying with him will only get yourself drowned. It should fucking terrify you that he’s convinced you to smoke meth *multiple times.* That is how it starts. It is already not just some problem he has, it has already progressed to **your** meth problem.
You can mourn your past together, and appreciate the good things he brought to your life. But that future you’re excited about, the new career? I guarantee that won’t happen if you stay with him. He has already started to take you down with him, and you need to save yourself first.
Going from your post history it seems you been with this man for less than two months and he’s already convinced you to do meth with him multiple times. You need to leave and never ever look back. Leaving now will be hard for a little while but staying will be hard for LIFE. He doesn’t love you and I think you know all this but it bares repeating: staying with this man will ruin your life. Get out before he drags you down with him.
>I hate giving up on people. What can I do as a last effort ?
First, please understand that refusing to, or being unable to support an addiction is NOT giving up on someone.
Refusing to support an addiction is *required* in order to hopefully positively influence a move by the addict toward recovery. To stay with your boyfriend is tacit approval of his behaviours “if things were that bad she’d leave me”.
**Important**: the majority of addicts or users seek out like-minded company, because it validates their using and there is a common bond. AND many users will encourage, push, or force others to participate in their use in order to CREATE an environment which validates and supports their using. I don’t have strong enough words to convey how unethical, disgusting, criminal, foul and WRONG that behaviour is. You are standing on the edge right now; please choose to step back so you don’t fall.
Is it loving of your boyfriend to watch you fall? Is that love?
Where I am, street amphetamines are being found in one third of drivers determined to be driving under the influence. The consequences of our actions don’t disappear just because we are addicted. The impaired driver who kills a child doesn’t get a pass because they unfortunately have an addiction – there is still a coffin so small that only one of their parent’s is required to carry it.
Your boyfriend is making a choice. Some may say that addiction removes choice, but the fact is that *no-one but him* has the power to stop the using. You can lock someone up until they are clean, but they’ll use again unless *they* take steps to avoid it.
Second, love isn’t a magic wand that can cure. Love feels so powerful and important that it seems like it can conquer anything, but it can’t. It just can’t. Love has to co-operate with all the other facets and demands of daily life which can challenge it, but addiction pushes itself to the front of the line and greedily demands all one’s resources and leaves little for anything or anyone else.
You can support your boyfriend at a distance. Provide him with the resources he can access to get treatment. Tell his parents (as long they are not known to be violent or users themselves). If your boyfriend is possibly drug-affected at work and is potentially putting others at risk, then report him. Yeah, losing your job can accelerate the downward spiral, but there is absolutely no excuse for risking the health and lives of others who are just trying to live their life. NO EXCUSE, no matter the potential consequences to the user – it’s a consequence that comes with ingestion of their drug of choice.
Finally – you can love someone while not liking them. Drug addiction influences a person so strongly that they may cease to be the person we knew. Grieve the person they were or could be, and see who they are now.
If you find yourself at risk of using again? Just picture that child-sized coffin.
Wishing you a safe, long, and happy life x
My ex, alcoholic. After I left he got himself together long enough to get mechanic cert. Then started drinking again after work. Hes not nice when he drinks. I cut contact for many yrs. Addiction sux. All u can do, is save urself. My step dad is in his 60s, alcoholic. Quit a few times, always relapse. Hes abusive to my mom. After u leave, maybe tell his family. U prob cant stay his friend, def cant see him.
For the love of god and all that is holy cut all contact with him and don’t look back.
It’s possible that you will leave and he will keep using, and there’s nothing you could have done to help him quit.
It’s also possible that you will leave, and losing his GF starts a chain reaction of consequences that will end with him finding a reason to get & stay sober.
The one thing that isn’t possible is for you to stay with him AND that somehow causing him to quit.
People don’t get sober because they objectively consider the matter. They (sometimes) get sober because they are facing oh shit real consequences.
Why the fuck would you do meth for anyone? You need some help too.