And it bothers me a lot, because he’s still in touch with a lot of them, as they do a lot of activities such as many different hobbies together (hiking, camping with a bunch of people). I’ve had only very few boyfriends and I don’t keep in touch with any of them, as I’d find that weird for me and my potential partner. Also, I don’t feel really special in this relationship, I feel more like a bro, who he bangs, and he gets affectionate very rarely. He has a daughter and ex with who he meets every second day as they live very close. How do I manage with me being over jealous and not feeling good enough? I should mention maybe that I’m an average, while he’s pretty sexy and good-looking. We started being exclusive about 2 months ago, but we first hooked up 6 months ago.
TLDR: My partner has a wide past with girls while I don’t, and I don’t know how to manage with me not comparing myself to his exes.
6 comments
This problem will solve itself when he moves on to the next girl in a few weeks.
All of this screams you aren’t compatible.
He doesn’t see past-sex as a bar to a platonic relationship going forward, you do.
You prefer for your partner to be very affectionate with you, he doesn’t.
He has a close supportive relationship with his ex who he coparents with, and as that is part of his relationship with his daughter, he will always prioritise that over you.
This is not a relationship that suits you. End it.
To avoid this going forward: it sounds like this is a precedent you actually set. You were fwb with this guy, and then decided on exclusivity. You didn’t actually change the relationship, you just decided not to fuck other people. So of course he has carried on a you were just without anyone else. In future you should probably speak up and say “hey, I’m catching feelings for you, and would like a relationship with you but what we’ve been doing until now isn’t a relationship in my eyes. I’d like exclusivity, actual dates and more affection. Would you be up for that?” If the answer is no, that person is not for you.
It seems you both treat sex as something different.
To you, it is something very intimate, a form of love.
To him, it is just an activity to get rid of the sexual tension.
I’m just like you when it comes to sex and hence why I sought a partner that has the same view (we have been together 8 years now). Neither your bf or you are wrong, however it seems that maybe you are a bit too young to be with someone who already has a child and a very close relationship with the mother of his daughter?
When you are dating someone with children, you are also ‘dating’ the children and their ex-partner. Dating a parent means you are never going to be the no1 priority, that there will be a lot of other responsibilities involved, and also that any decision-making needs to include their child and the ex. You are quite young, I would urge you to reconsider dating fathers. It requires a lot, and many people are not ready for that. I’m 30 and I love children, but I am well aware that the lack of freedom and the sacrifice that comes with the dating the dad territory is just too much. He’s a parent, his priorities are much different than yours.
>I don’t feel really special in this relationship, I feel more like a bro, who he bangs, and he gets affectionate very rarely.
This is less about his past and more about how he makes you feel in this relationship. It isn’t about being “not good enough”. It sounds like your priorities are different. His priority is always going to be his child and you’re always going to be second to that.
You might do better to find someone who’s able to provide you with the attention you deserve.
Well, you knew this from the beginning and you thought you could lock him down because he was desired by everyone and you felt special because out of everyone he chose you, or he just looks good.
Oooo girl this was MEEEE I cannot scream loud enough: get out!
My (26f) ex (30m) had a daughter with an ex, was waaaay more experienced than me and slowly got less and less affectionate, reacted poorly when things would go tits up, and his favourite thing to do in an argument was gaslight me or avoid the situation entirely.
Incompatibility at fundamental levels will result in a really toxic and unhealthy relationship where you will feel you’re not being prioritised. Especially when there is a kid involved, be prepared to come second. Always.
I thought I could handle it, but truth is that it is hard to accept that as a standard. You have to think about what YOU want. Can you deal with him seeing his exes on a regular basis? If not, is he willing to respect your feelings towards this and find common ground? Are you prepared to be put on the back burner at times so his daughter can have his full deserved attention? Are these kind of compromises something you can live with long term or do you think you are settling?