I was talking to this girl a couple of days before our date and she asked me a question.
“What’s your body count?”
I always dread that question I just prefer not to know sometimes. Anyways I told mine which was 1 person and she told me hers which was 32. Before she told me she said you’re going to freak out when you hear mine.
While I don’t judge because that’s their past and they could do want they want I think my messages didn’t come across the best. I said “oh wow that’s a lot!, didn’t expect that my jaw nearly hit the floor. Not that I’m judging you or anything that’s your past”.
She didn’t respond for an hour. I then wrote her a message saying that I’m sorry if I upset her and I felt like I did.
She responded saying she’s done with me and I’m not the guy she thought I was as I was rude and judgemental.
I apologised for it as I didn’t mean to upset her. She didn’t forgive but thanked me for saying sorry then said goodbye.
I feel like an asshole but I don’t know what else I could of said in the situation.
Is there anything I can do?
TL:DR
Had a date planned with girl, she asked me for my body count, she didn’t like the way I reacted to her answer and doesn’t want to see or talk to me anymore.
11 comments
Not really, sounds like this is a lost cause. Don’t hang your head learn from this mistake. Also don’t entertain the body count talk unless you were several dates in. If this was a 1st date it’s very odd of her to bring that up
Man that text is just.. wow
Not worth it to salvage, she’s not the girl for you. Yea not the best response by you but in the end it’s on her because she asked the question and wasn’t ready for the response she’d get.
Nah man just let her go both of y’all messed up. She was baiting you into a trap through texting and you bit with a really bad response. You are not an asshole, but inexperienced.
I don’t know why she asked what your body count is. That immature OF itself. You both sound mad young and both need to learn the concept of tact.
But regardless, your response would also be a reason I’d probably stop talking to you too. It was weird. “Wow that’s a lot! My jaw nearly hit the floor! I mean… I’m not judging you, I’m just sayingggg.”
That’s what she read basically. If a guy said that to me no matter what my body count was, I’d be like “yeah no. This guy says offputting things.” And she’s a dumb dumb for bringing it on herself.
You should have said “Alright. That’s fine. Makes no difference to me.” And kept it nonchalant. Giving her a WOWWWWW reaction was dumb on your part.
Both of you two will eventually learn how to react properly to the opposite sex. Don’t ask rude questions to eachother and don’t write or say knee jerk responses to eachother.
I feel like she brought this up early because she has had negative reactions from guys in the past, and she is using it as sort of a “knockout” question — instead of investing in a relationship that ends as soon as the information is out there, she is putting out there up front so she can just skip over any guy who has an issue with it. When she finds a guy who says “Ok, cool, whatever” then she will be ready to move forward.
I kind of get that. I had “knockout” questions in my dating days too. (A lot of my social life is with my best friend and his husband. Guy not cool with double dating a gay couple? We may as well move on.)
I’m not sure what you can do other than tell her, “I didn’t mean to be judgmental, I truly don’t care about body count. I was surprised that’s all.” Maybe that will work, maybe not.
If it happens again, I would start with “I really don’t care about body count at all. You can tell me or not, it’s not interesting to me.” Or, if she volunteers a really high number, then maybe, “Ok, whatever. I’m more interested in the future.”
You got trapped and you responded poorly. This is not fixable, sorry, you came off as judgemental and shamed her. You know you don’t have to answer this question, right? For the future have a deflecting answer like ‘was I supposed to count?’ or ‘you looked in my basement!?’ if they can take a joke.
I can’t believe she gets upset over this comment of yours. She sounds like a handful and not in a good way, like she wants her way. I wouldn’t consider her a relationship material because of her reaction.
For what it’s worth, I guarantee you she was fishing for conflict on this point. It’s one thing to be totally at peace with your past and choose to date someone with a pretty different sexual history. But she was insecure, and your response wasn’t cruel so much as honest. It’s a big gap! Don’t beat yourself up about it.
If she really likes you a lot, she may get back in touch after some time passes. But she was already primed for this to be a problem. If she calls you, tell her how happy that makes you. If not, c’est la vie.
Your response was honest and not rude in the slightest. To you, 32 IS a lot. She brought the conversation up and if she was hurt by it it’s because she might feel some personal truth to it. Otherwise why wouldn’t she see your perspective? From her point of view you’ve probably had too few partners which is also a fair reason not to pursue things but to say you were rude? I say it’s not worth pursuing but also if she’s said her goodbyes there’s nothing you can do anyway without sounding desperate. Goodbye is goodbye until she opens the door.
Obviously she was fishing for a response and you gave it.
You can apologise but I think she just assumes, probably accurately, that given your gut reaction you’d most likely have had a hard time dealing with it if you got into a serious relationship with her. I mean, I know you are trying to get her attention back because you lost it but be real with yourself if you’d have actually been entirely cool with that number.
Probably did both of you a favour even if I personally think if you are going to do that sort of ‘test’ you should probably do it sooner rather than wait till just before a date and the other person is excited.