The other day my boyfriend left his phone unlocked on the dining table while he went to the gym. Normally I would never snoop but for some reasons I decided to glance at his messages. I found out that a month ago a girl came over to his place to watch some anime together. I scrolled all the way up to the beginning of their text massages and learned that he met this girl Diane off a dating app over 2 years ago, and they hooked up pretty regularly back then. Something happened and about a year ago Diane texted him that she did not want to hook up anymore, but she wanted to stay friends and he agreed to it. That was about the same time that he matched with me on the same dating app. We dated casually for 6 months (during that time I was dating multiple people, and I assumed he was doing the same thing), then we have been exclusive for 6 months.
When Diane and my bf were still sleeping with each other they used to exchange very sexual messages, after they stopped hooking up they only texted each other every once in a while and the messages became tame and nothing sexual. In the past 6 months they only met up that one time a month ago, according their texts that evening she came at 8:30pm and left at 11:30pm. I checked my own text messages with him and I realized that day he was non-responsive for those few hours between 8:30 and 11:30 when I texted him. Then at 11:30pm after Diane left he texted me “hey babe sorry I felt asleep so didn’t see your texts.”
I confronted him and he got very defensive about me reading his messages, saying that what I did was a huge invasion of his privacy. He swore to me that this girl is just a friend that shares his interest in anime so they just watched some anime together that day, and that nothing else happened because Diane has a boyfriend now. I’m 100% certain that Diane does not know about my existence and I know my boyfriend has never mentioned to her that he’s in a relationship with someone now.
I asked him if nothing happened then why he purposefully lied to me about what he did that evening. He apologized profusely, admitted that he shouldn’t have done that and the only reason he hid it from me was because he knew that I would make a big unnecessary deal out of it while nothing actually happened.
I’m not sure if I could believe him. It’s hard to believe that two people that used to hook up got together and just innocently watch TV together and nothing else. Is it likely that they slept with each other again? What should I do in this situation?
TLDR: A girl that my boyfriend used to hook up with recently came over to his place to watch anime with him, and he purposefully hid it from me. What should I do?
12 comments
It’s only been six months and this guy is already being shady AF. Just move on. What’s so great about him (especially after all this) that you think is worth hanging onto?
>he got very defensive about me reading his messages, saying that what I did was a huge invasion of his privacy
Flip
>He apologized profusely, admitted that he shouldn’t have done that
Flop
Even if he’d been honest from the get-go, it would be reasonable for you to be uncomfortable with this situation.
We can’t really know what happened that night. What we do know is that he consciously chose to lie to you, then hid that lie until he had no alternative but to fess up.
You’re certain Diane doesn’t know about you. All of this is shady.
Even if they literally sat there eating cheetos and watching crunchyroll, he’s displayed a tendency to sneak and lie. After 6 months, are you willing to keep moving forward with someone who couldn’t even hold it together during the honeymoon period?
Dude is untrustworthy. Nothing more to say. Question is are you willing to put up with it. He didn’t tell you about it, went ghost when he was with her. Then proceeded to hide it. It’s all shady. At 6 months he’s already disrespecting you. It is not okay for a man in a relationship to be having 1 on 1 night with girls he used to have sex with.
They slept together.
My wife is pretty laid back and chill. I actually think if I invited a female friend over to watch Netflix she would be OK with it.
But I wouldn’t do that because I would think about how she might feel, which in turn makes her trust me.
He hid it from you. I’m telling you they fooled around at a minimum
Load of dating app, nosey looking at other people’s phone crap.
So you didn’t know about this “friend” he used to sleep with?
I’m sure he’d be totally cool with you maintaining friendships with people you used to sleep with and then having secret hangouts with them that you didn’t tell him about because he’d “make a huge deal about it”.
Dump this POS.
You “glanced” a month back?
Here is how you figure it out. RANDOMLY tell him to call her on speaker phone and discuss that night. If he hesitates, you have your answer.
heres the first and last thing you need to do….stop dating grown ass men who watch cartoons with other girls.
You invaded his privacy. You’re jumping to conclusions and are now accusing him of something he hasn’t done? Whoa! How would you like to have all your text messages read without your consent?
he said he only hid it so you wouldn’t make a “big deal” about it? you’ve only been together for 6 months, he’s not worth it
He’s untrustworthy but also you invaded his privacy.
He is likely cheating but even if you found nothing the fact you snooped is a red flag for him.
Either way the best answer is to end the relationship.