CW: sexual assault mention.
I (28F) just found my biological father (55M) in the last few months, and we have been speaking on and off through text. He’s said recently that he wants to meet in person soon, before May (my birthday), and i don’t know how to respond.
My problem is a little complicated, but here are some facts: i was concived in 1993 when my father was 27, and my mother was SIXTEEN. She has been very firm on not telling me or anyone who my father was (my grandparents thought it was another teen) my whole life.
Last year when I insisted and warned her i was pursuing DNA testing, she went to far as to get a burner phone and specified to only call her at a specific time (number since not working) and actually begged me not to tell ANYONE who, not even her parents (who I am closer to) and to never bring it up again. She seemed scared.
I’m worried it wasn’t consentual.
I haven’t responded to his message for a week because I’m too wrapped up in how to bring up my mother or conception. I can’t move forward in building a relationship with him without working out this point.
Please help
4 comments
Your mom is soo scared, do you think there was any romantic feelings between a 27yo and a 16yo when you were conceived?.
In this day and age, what do you think of a man that age who have sex with a 16yo girl?. Do you think it is ok?. Now think about your parents situation.
What, do you think that you can have a happy happily with your dad at this age?. You are ok that your dad had sex with a teenager?. You want this man in your life?.
Could you ask your mom about it face to face? Do you think your bio dad would be honest if it was rape, or do you think he’d further muddy the waters? If you find out you were conceived in rape, would you want to face your biological father?
The age difference is very troubling, and you got a gut feeling about a red flag. I’d probably try to talk to mom first, you know how to read her better.
I’d ask your mom. I know it’s been awhile since you’ve seen her and it would be difficult to ask her. And….hearing her story might have you changing your mind about meeting your bio dad.
This could also explain why she wasn’t the best parent….not excusing her….but maybe it does explain some of what you experienced.
It’s very possible it was something like SA, it’s also just as possible that she is deeply ashamed of her past and doesn’t want her parents finding out.