“If he wanted to, he would.”

8 comments

1. Perspective shift – it’s not your business WHY he doesn’t want to. Soon as you catch that drift, move onto the next person to date. Don’t do things that are intimate for you before reaching those safety milestones – whatever they are for you.

2. It’s a “you” problem for the exact reason you said in your post –you keep allowing him to. It seems it really hurts you when he undresses you but doesn’t want to hold your hand. So stop letting him. Get a back bone. Assert boundaries. Communicate with him and tell him what you need in a relationship. If he ignores that and keeps treating you lesser than, then drop this dude, and go find another dude that interacts with you the way you want to be interacted with. And take this as a lesson to not give into getting physical with ANY guy so quickly, if what you truly want is someone who respects you emotionally and actually wants to get to know your personality. Even if a new guy seems sincere and is starting to show interest in sex, it’s up to you to pump the brakes and not give in, until WEEKS of interacting with him and wholly feeling secure that he likes your character, your intelligence, being in your presence just to hang out. Sex should be the cherry on top of everything else that has already been established.

3. all it takes is altering your perspective back a lil. someone who doesn’t value u in the same way, that is most definitely not a “you” problem. i’ve been there too and as much as i wanted to think it’s something about me that makes the certain guy not want me in the same way, i instead reminded myself what im putting out (and my worth) and thought abt the individual person i was dealing with. no one knows what they’re doing in this life really and with that a lot of people, immature people, will take advantage of others. so to blame yourself, the person being taken advantage of, doesn’t make sense when really what you deserve is kindness and respect because that’s what you’re putting out. “if he wanted to he would” is just a saying to remind girls not to fall for the bare minimum and to actually be with someone who values u in the same way, unlike this guy it sounds like. be good to yourself<3

4. Respectfully, it’s a ‘you’ problem because you put up with it, not because of what other do or don’t.

5. No no no you need to be “you” and that is all. You know you need hand holding. If he doesn’t want to, he isn’t what you need. I know it’s hard. We want the one we chose to be the one we need. But if you told him and he didn’t change, it won’t get better. And if he knows he can get away with it, ugh. Be safe and be brave.

6. If he doesn’t want to … then YOU can exit the situation, right? You don’t have to put up with / tolerate someone who disrespects you or can’t give you what you need.

7. There is a reason why some girls are for recreational use only. There is also a reason to marry a girl, hold her hand and make her your queen. From what I just read you are in a first group and there is no becoming someone else now.

8. Maybe you’re expecting from the wrong guys. Like yes, if you want a relationship and everything that comes with it, that’s cool but if the guy isn’t giving that to you or y’all aren’t on the same page, then why think it’s only because you’re not enough or something? It probably just means you chose the wrong guy to be involved with. There are guys out there who’d like you so much, they’d be happy to give you all the relationship shit you want, but you need to be a better judge as to who they are exactly. I hope I explained this well, my English is kinda out there lol