My SO and I have been trying to work on our relationship. I’m 31 and he’s 34. We’ve been together for 2 years.
I have ADHD, anxiety and BED (all except for the BED is under control) that I take meds for. For the past few months, I’ve been under more stress than usual. Work, finding a new apartment, finances and we just got a new puppy.
I haven’t been in the mood lately and it’s been almost 2 months since we’ve had sex when we used to have it weekly.
I’ve expressed that I’ve been under a lot of stress lately esp with the new puppy plus we have another dog. We live together and I’m the one taking care of the dogs 90% of the time (plus handling the majority of other housework).
It’s caused him to be very frustrated with me. He’ll come on very strongly (for example, we’ll be watching tv and he’ll just grab my boobs. I’ll ask him to stop but he’ll keep doing it until I push his hand away and then he’ll get upset at me). I’ll tell him I’m not in the mood for x reasons and he says that I’m just making excuses, that I’m making him feel bad about wanting it and then he’ll be mad at me. I’ve also told him that I don’t like when he comes on too strongly esp when we’re in the middle of doing something.
He tried to make a move on me tonight which I wasn’t in the mood for. He got upset and said that he doesn’t know if he can do this anymore. I understand that sex is important to him as it is to me. I could’ve had sex with him tonight just to make him happy but I feel like he’s not understanding my side of things whereas he says I don’t understand him.
My brain is just fried and I’m constantly exhausted of working full time while simultaneously taking care of mostly everything. I want to add that we have talked about splitting housework and caring for the dogs. He is very forgetful so I’m usually reminding him to things which is another thing that adds to my stress.
We recently had a date night which was great but as soon as we got home, the puppy was acting wild so my mind goes straight to that. So I’m not really sure what to do. I do feel bad that we’ve haven’t been intimate in a while but I also can’t just fake it.
TLDR: I’ve been more stressed out lately than usual which has hurt my sex drive. It’s been almost 2 months since my SO and I have had sex.
Any advice? TIA!
3 comments
Parents don’t rush home from a date to go have sex when their newborn is waiting for them either. I think you’ve rejected him enough times. If sex is as important to you as you say, be intentional about it. Get a dog sitter for an evening, and remind him he’s still wanted. I know chores and puppies add to stress, but I hope you can afford to not make either of these a priority for a night, for the sake of your relationship.
Why did you get a puppy if you are already at your max stress level? Was it his idea?
Also why are you doing all of the housework if you work full time? That’s not OK.
You aren’t married so I would expect to see the bills split 50/50 and the chores too.
You can hire a dog sitter or a cleaner to take pressure off. Right or wrong 2 months means that you are purposefully allowing the relationship to fail by neglecting a core part of it.
Your body, your choice but I’d you keep putting it on the back burner expect him to leave at some point. That sounds like it might be a good thing for you overall though?
I can imagine your sex drive being affected not only by all the house chores and dog-rearing, but also being grabbed irrespective of how you’re feeling or any respect for how you want to interact. When you feel like you have to parent: “you need to share responsibility of the puppy we have” “no touching without permission”, “do your chores” it is SUCH a libido killer.
Foreplay starts with your SO listening to what makes you comfortable and putting that above wanting impulsive sex and disregarding your feelings.
He needs to put in the work to help take things off your plate.