What is some of the things you do keep that department healthy? Not acts in the bedroom but things you do in everyday life that keeps you and your spouse on the same page sexually. Examples: dates, the way you look at her or certain song, being nostalgic ect. I want to here some things I’ve never head before.
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Just genuinely care for each other and love each other deeply
Open and clear line of communication when it comes to our sexual needs. We talk about what we enjoy, what we want to try, what works, what doesn’t work, etc…
We make sure we have time for it daily too. Even if we don’t have sex we want that intimate time together.
We compliment each other very frequently. I snap pictures while I’m getting dressed in the morning and send them to him, even if he’s just in the next room. Basically, we keep it all one long slow burn. Every moment we’re not having sex has the potential for teasing, building, flirting, whatever. What it has led to for us is very deep intimacy regardless of how often we actually have sex (and that number can vary pretty wildly depending on a number of factors).
We’ve been together for eleven years, married for ten, and we sometimes joke that our sex life is the healthiest part of our marriage.
Making sure my emotional needs outside the bedroom really translates in the bedroom for me. That includes frequent non sexual affection, doing things for each other (like chores), and also making sure we cuddle when we watch a movie, play games together, and laugh. These all make sex healthy.
Married with three kids and here’s what we’ve done outside of the bedroom to keep a healthy sex life.
Schedule intimacy. Our sex life is a priority, so we treat it as such. If you have an important meeting or doctors appointment, you would put it on your calendar and block off time for it. We feel the same about our intimacy… it’s a priority and we are very intentional about dedicating time for it.
Communication: we have weekly “check ins” to communicate in depth about any unresolved hurts or issues. We also do quick “check ins” during the day… how is your day going, can I help you with anything, is there anything you’d like to do tonight, etc.
Equitable division of housework/parenting tasks.
We have a plan for when one of us is horny and the other is not, that way someone isn’t always being rejected.
But we also have patience, grace, and understanding for when one of us is struggling with intimacy. Like the natural Seasons, marriage and sex changes and evolves over time. There’s periods of time where we have tons of sex, and other times very little. We understand and embrace the natural ebb and flow of our sexual relationship.
We also communicate about sex outside of the bedroom – we will talk about things we want to try, I’ll send him a link to a sex toy I want, talk about things we liked last time we had sex (or things that didn’t work well), share fantasies we have, etc. Also, we talk about deeper things like how the other person likes sex to be initiated, what makes them feel loved and fulfilled in the bedroom, if they are struggling with anything sexually.
We’ve gone to a sex and relationship counselor when we were struggling and it was amazing for our marriage and sex life!
Not sure if this is considered outside of the bedroom, but we have a healthy and honest relationship with masturbation and porn. We encourage each other to explore on our own and we often talk about fantasy’s or things we saw/liked in a porn video.
Physical intimacy. Touches, hugs, holding hands, being close/cuddling on the couch. We are each others partner and best friend. Thank each other, do small things for each other. I always tell her how beautiful she is even if she’s just in pjs lounging.
We love each other deeply and don’t have many conflicts at all – but when we do, we resolve it in a respectful way and don’t say hurtful things to each other that damage the relationship.
We spend lots of quality time together (it’s our priority) and are usually always touching. Even while on the couch watching tv, he’ll spoon me or I’ll lay on his stomach. We kiss every time one of us leaves or comes to the house and every night at bedtime.
Doing small things for each other goes a long way for the other to feel loved.
We’ve always been a 1-2x a week couple, up until late December when we’ve been having it daily. Our relationship is amazing right now, and we’ve both been putting in extra effort to love on the other in non sexual ways, like planning dates, making each other foods we like, talking extensively about our relationship/wants/needs, spending time doing the other’s hobby/interest, flirting.
Making supper, bringing her cocktail while she watching tv and washing the dishes earns me lots of BJ points.
Just good supportive accepting relationship with a lot of “I love you”, huggings and compliments.
Communication 🙏