I (f26) have been with my (m27) boyfriend for 2 years. My boyfriend has done some sketchy things while in a relationship with me and we’ve mostly worked through it. We’ve been pretty good lately and have been working on regaining trust. In case it matters, the things he did were flirting with his female friends (he said he’s just used to over complimenting them and didn’t realize it was flirty *side eye*), purchasing content from women on OF and SnapPremium, and hanging out with his ex and saying he was with friends. These things happened early on in our relationship.
To start off, about a year into our relationship a friend of my sister’s that knows my boyfriend’s ex from high school (let’s call the ex Karla) reached out to my sister saying she thinks Karla has a child that would, based off the time line of when they were together, be my boyfriend’s. Karla sort of dropped off the face of the earth for a bit and not many people have spoken to her since high school so if she did have a baby, it’s possible nobody would have known. I brought it up to my boyfriend when my sister told me and he said he didn’t know anything about it and that if she had been pregnant, she didn’t tell him. He said he’s never gotten anybody pregnant. Long story short, it’s actually her little cousin and not her child, so it isn’t my boyfriend’s.
Today I received a message from a random account on Instagram and the message was just the first and last name of a woman (let’s call her Maddie) I didn’t recognize the name. I responded very confused and the person who sent it told me to ask my boyfriend. I asked him who it was and he said it was an ex. I messaged the sender back and said that she was an ex and I wasn’t sure what the problem was. I then received a message saying “so you don’t see a problem with him cheating on his pregnant girlfriend with her?” I was then told to ask him about Karla and Maddie. I asked him if he DID get Karla pregnant and cheat on her with Maddie. He denied it. Well the person messaging me sent a bunch of screenshots taken from inside my boyfriend’s Facebook account showing him and Karla discussing her being pregnant and what to do before she settled on not going through with it. There were also messages between him and Maddie saying they loved each other and wish they could be together and him talking about how unhappy he was with Karla. There was no indication of physical cheating. I showed him and he denied those were from his account and that he never got Karla pregnant and didn’t cheat with Maddie despite the screenshots.
I feel very confused. I know this all happened 10 years ago but part of me is mad. He had the chance to admit he had gotten her pregnant and I would have appreciated the honesty as I told him I got pregnant as a teenager and miscarried. Part of me is now wondering if the child isn’t actually her cousin. I also now know that he HAS cheated in past relationships (even if it was 10 years ago) and it makes me look at our own previous problems differently. How do I move forward? Part of me thinks I need to let it go because it was a decade ago and part of me is still upset because had I know he cheated in the past, I wouldn’t have gotten together with him.
Tl;dr my (26f) boyfriend (27m) of 2 years lied to me about getting a girl pregnant and cheating 10 years ago and I don’t know how to proceed.
4 comments
A lying cheater turns out to lie and cheat. Where is the surprise here? Unless you are a glutton for punishment and humiliation, leave now.
Why do you want to move forward?
If you want to move forward, he needs to block his ex if he hasn’t already, and you need to block random women coming out of the woodwork bringing up ancient history. The drama is crazy. You either move on with him or without him based on your current relationship.
Don’t stay with a cheater and a liar unless you want to get cheated on and lied to.