I have a lot of social skill challenges that I’ve created over the past few years for my clients and students.

What I like about these challenges is that you can dial up or dial down the challenge level based on where you’re at socially.

Wondering if anyone would like to try challenges like the one below?

If this post gets any interest, I’ll post more…just let me know in the comments!

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**Day 1: Go somewhere by yourself. Notice how no one is judging you.**

👉️ **What to do:**

Go somewhere public by yourself today and just hang out for 20-30 minutes.

Notice how people just go on about their day, and people generally don’t pay much attention to you.

👉️ **Why you’re doing it:**

With this challenge, we’re combating the Spotlight Effect

At its core, the Spotlight Effect is responsible for making us feel like we’re being observed more than we actually are.

It’s the feeling you get that the people at the next table are talking about you, or that everyone is staring at you as you walk into a party.

(Obviously, these things are possible, but they are much less likely than you think.)

Don’t believe me?

Let’s look at the science.

In 2000, researcher Tom Gilovich and his colleagues performed a study on the spotlight effect.

They had college students wear a Barry Manilow t-shirt (the horror!) to a social event and then recorded the percentage of people who noticed it.

The Manilow-clad students estimated that 50% of people would notice their shirt. This sounds pretty reasonable.

But the reality? Only 25% of people noticed their super embarrassing tribute tee.

Now you may think, “Maybe it’s Barry’s fault.”

But the experiment was repeated with several controls of both flattering and potentially embarrassing t-shirts.

The results were all the same:

Very few people noticed what the subjects were wearing.

Why?

Because they were too worried about what they were wearing, who they knew at the party, if they had salsa breath, whether anyone noticed their new haircut, etc.

In short – they were too busy thinking about *themselves* to think about other people.

It all makes sense really – each of us is at the center of our own world.

Of course we’re the hero of our own story. We just have to remember that this is true for everyone we meet.

As we become more social, it’s important to internalize that people are typically much too busy to notice or judge you.

This is great! When we realize that other people (no offense) don’t care about you, it makes it easier to be social!

🔴 **Does this challenge feel too hard?**

Go to a grocery store and look around, notice how people aren’t paying attention to you while you shop.

🟢 **Does this challenge feel too easy?**

Make brief eye contact and smile at 1 person while out.

**Edit**: A helpful commenter said that you can follow me so you’ll know when I post the next challenge…so follow me?

31 comments

  2. This is really good! Do post more. Challenges like this with incrementally increasing difficulty would be really good I think!

  4. HEY I MADE EYE CONTACT AND SMILED TODAY

    Woo doin it on *hard mode* now

    (Legit answer tho, yes I’m interested in more of this stuff)

  9. Great idea! I think it Should be 2 threads over 2 days. Thread 1 is the challenge itself. Day 2 is the discussion where people can share their experiences. This way people have time to see the challenge and then go out and do it.

    If it gains traction mods should sticky it!

  11. I have been dreading going out for a work thing I guess I have to accept your challenge only that can make me do this

  14. LOL that Barry Manilow study reminds me of something that happened recently to me. My friend is from New Jersey and is a big Nets fan, so I went to a game with him, and they gave away shirts with a caricature of Kyrie Irving on it. More recently, I made the mistake of accidentally wearing that shirt to the gym, while Irving was in the middle of serving a suspension for being an unrepentant antisemite. Honestly, I think a couple of people saw it, because they kept looking in my direction and laughing. But later on, I saw a white guy wearing a “Blacks For Trump” shirt, so I realized I wasn’t the weirdest-dressed person there.

  15. This post made me realize how much progress I’ve made recently without even realizing! I’m going to choose to be proud of myself for that.

  16. this is what i did to help me be more confident tbh. now i just love my self-dates more than anything lol

  17. Yes this’ll be fun. I have a hard time going by myself to places like restaurants or bars. Will definitely take part in these if you keep posting 🙂

  20. It’s not safe to make eye contact in asian culture because there are a lot of fucked up people who will take it as a challenge. This is a trash society.

  23. I dont need to do a challenge to know that know one ever takes notice of me… i know that already

  26. This is great! I don’t think I am experiencing the spotlight effect but I do have a problem with making eye contact and smiling at people so I’ll definitely do this! Please do more! Once a week would be nice. I’ve already followed you for the next challenge! Thank you, you are such a blessing to everyone!

  28. Interesting idea, I love it. Though in regards to the spotlight effect, I feel it holds true for me. People I’ve never talked to know what gym I go to, places where I usually need to show Id like Costco have told me I’m good.

    Note: likely because I’m considered attractive and literally told I “stand out.” But hell if I can actually make eye contact and smile at someone. High self-confidence, low self-esteem with social anxiety.

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