OK, so I know there are no hard and fast rules and people’s interpretation of communication etiquette varies, but I’m wondering what people consider ‘normal’ regarding communication…
Is it ‘normal’ to not even *read* a WhatsApp message for 2 days?
Context: 3 dates, mutual agreement that no spark but agreement to build friendship and hope more may grow, neither party dating anyone else as rural area and scarcity of matches, message in question was not complex but did involve a slightly time critical direct question.
I know I could give more detail, but it’s not specifically about that message in particular – I’m trying to get a feel for what people consider ‘normal’ when using messaging for social communication – in the context of an early friendship/maybe more (vs. an established friendship or defined relationship).
In this digital age, I personally would assume that people in their thirties are at least reading messages on a daily basis, even if they aren’t responding that quickly.
I’m not asking what it means that he didn’t read/reply sooner – just where the consensus boundary is for ‘normal’. I would see anyone taking longer than 48 hours to read a message as an outlier, even if busy with work etc., and over the boundary into rude territory – but I’m interested to hear where your set point is?
We agreed we do not have the same expectations for communication and that would be prohibitive to fostering a friendship but I am curious as to how many common that level of interaction is. I know it varies but to me it seems unusual… trying to work out if I need to adjust my expectations at a population level?!
Please no comments about overthinking this particular exchange or hoping for a different outcome. I am just looking for a generalised reality check.
19 comments
No spark and you agreed to only friendship? Then he’s probably not interested, that’s why he’s not reading it.
Whenever I see these types of threads I hear “can I be [insert feeling]? I’m [feeling] but *should* I be [feeling]?”
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>Please no comments about overthinking this particular exchange or hoping for a different outcome. I am just looking for a generalised reality check.
The reality check is that you are overthinking. If it bothers you, then check in with them about it. If they consistently disappoint you then quit hanging out with them and spend time with people you gel with better.
Try to find more friends maybe you won’t be so hung up on one person if they are messaging you back within 48 hours. I sometimes take a week to message people back or I don’t because I completely forget. Please find more friends on your wavelength so you don’t feel this way
I’d say context about what the message was here is required to make an accurate assessment. Did the message warrant a response?
For me personally I receive a lot of text messages that don’t warrant a response and I’ll see the message in my notifications and forget to reply to it since it didn’t warrant a response.
I’m in my late 30s and I take my phone everywhere.
Not replying means he doesn’t want anything more from you. Accept and let go.
It is “normal” to not read a message for 2+ days when you told someone “let’s be friends” to let them down easy / avoid an uncomfortable conversation.
I usually give it 3 days. If they don’t contact me in 3 days if I reach out to them then they aren’t interested.
Being that you just decided on friendship he may not feel the need to reach out to you sooner than that or he’s not interested in you in any way.
> Is it ‘normal’ to not even read a WhatsApp message for 2 days?
Yes. In the case that the person has next to no interest in you, it’s perfectly normal.
Hell, people who have had no interest in me have gone *two weeks* without reading a message I’ve sent them. Totally normal and nothing to worry about.
It’s normal for some people. If it’s a trait you don’t like in your friends, then you probably shouldn’t bother being friends with him.
I think there’s a lot of data and articles showing how hard it is to make new friends as an adult, so I don’t think there’s a norm for “new adult friends.”
If you accuse him of being rude, then I can guarantee he’ll probably decide he doesn’t want to be friends. Your only option is to wait, or maybe politely follow up in a week or two. Shift your energy into other friends in the meantime. He might just be a friend you only see a handful of times a year.
With old friends, sometimes we read each other’s messages and don’t respond. Mind you, I think if someone had a question, I would respond right away or as early as I could.
I’m 36 for context and if someone sent me a text but I didnt really care for them (platonic or romantic, either way), I may not read it right away, and then get back to them when I was in a headspace to do so. I can’t see myself taking more than 24h to get back to someone I considered a friend.
Forgetting to respond or read a text for a couple days is normal for me in friendships.
This type of behavior is not normal for relationships/dating. Seems like you’re holding him to relationship/dating standards when you’ve established you’re only friends.
There’s never a normal level. But I would assume people would read or respond by 1 day at the minimal. Sure, people are busy but we are on our phones a lot.
Communication can be hard. My partner isn’t the best at responding to messages very promptly. However, that is not to say that they don’t care, or that they’re not interested. For the case of my space cadet of partner, they just get busy with work and life and sometimes it may take a couple days to respond. Having respect for that is one of the reasons they give as why they wanted to be with me. If they’re worth waiting for, just be patient.
OP, he’s just not that interested in you. Of course he read the message, 99% saw it when it popped up but didn’t open it and trigger the read symbol. You just don’t rise to the level of care to respond. This is completely normal behavior, you’re taking the ‘let’s just be friends’ wrong, which is almost always denial. He even flatly said he communicates less. There are no hidden messages here. You’re not compatible, even as friends.
Friends can take longer to reply. Sometimes my friends forget to reply all together, because we’re all busy and we forget.
It would not be as normal if this was a situation where you’re both interested in romance.
I don’t have whatsapp , but I don’t have notifications for dating apps, so I can’t always see when someone messages me. Not sure how it works with whatsapp. Maybe he doesn’t have notifications or he forgot to respond.
Sometimes I don’t respond or read messages from friends. Simply because I forgot – honestly I get SO MUCH input from the internet, so many notifications and work emails and sales and package deliveries and phone app game pings etc. that sometimes I just struggle to keep timely correspondence with everyone and everything. Usually I at least apologize when I get back to them and try to maintain the expectation that it can take me awhile. However, I usually at least glance at the message preview in Whatsapp or texts. If it looks time sensitive or I know I have plans, I’ll open it right away.
So this would fit into my normal.
if you guys are truly platonic then the communication issue should not be causing you this much stress.
i’m a bad texter and i will get back to my partner in a more timely manner but for my friends, unless it’s something urgent, it may take me anywhere from 30 secs – 2 weeks or maybe never if i forget. it also depends on what the message is and what platform they sent it to me on. ig DMs? i may check that once a week or every two weeks. a meme? i might see it but not reply bc i don’t think it warrants one. sometimes i’m simply not in the mood to talk. me and my friends do this to each other all the time, it’s not a big deal.
From a friend’s perspective only? I am that friend who sometimes leaves messages for days (I don’t read them otherwise I might forget to respond). OP, you are not a priority in his life considering that he barely knows you. I’d temper your expectations.