I was on public transit today and there was a guy yelling at an older lady that was clearly trying to avoid a confrontation. Then another girl asked him to calm down and he started yelling at her.
I could clearly see the guy was intoxicated and knew that me intervening would likely make the situation worse, so I sat quiet until he started yelling racial slurs (and worse), at which point I told him that “Nobody wants any trouble, please leave them alone.”
He then directed his attention to me and said he had a knife and he would kill me. I felt like he was just talking but you never know who doesn’t have anything to lose. Anyway, I’m curious what would others do in this situation?
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If he would do that to you imagine what he’d do to some woman he feels he can overpower. I’d feel compelled to step in. As unfortunate as it is, this was a classic case of “pick on someone your own size”.
The moment I see it.
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Good for you for stepping in. I’m proud of you.
I’ve been tgere, done that. A guy at a bus stop was getting worked up at his girlfriend. Nobody was saying anything so I said, “Chill, buddy, you don’t want to be do that here”. He told me to intercourse myself and then got even more angry at hid girlfirend. At that point twice other guys stepped in with me. We stood between him and the girl, at the same time two girls escorted the girl away. The three of us explained to him that she wasn’t getting on the bus with him.
We did what we could, but I’m pretty much 100% certain that we didn’t actually save the girl. It would have been a miracle if the two women successfully talked some sense into the girl. I can hope that the miracle happened.
I do think that, as in your case, as soon as one person breaks the wall, others will follow. We did what we could, better than doing nothing.
I wouldn’t unless there was a deadly threat.
> said he had a knife and he would kill me.
Discretely take his picture, and file a police report about his making a deadly threat against you, and harrassing others.
…I’d have done more or less what you did, except that when he threatened me with the knife he’d have found that bullets work better than blades. Yes, I carry.
If you don’t have any idea how to deescalate the situation, you’re only going to make it worse if it’s just yelling. Most of the things people would say in that situation are surefire way to escalate. Being yelled at isn’t nice, but letting a drunk idiot feel like he wins is way better than being stabbed or having to spend $10 in hollow points to stop him stabbing you. If he is going from yelling to physical then it may be time to step in if you are 100% sure the person you are defending had a right to defend themself and you actually have any skills yourself.
I step in immediately when my gut tells me to. If it feels wrong, I’m doing something right away.
You were correct to step in. And when you are threatened like that, you whip out your phone and call or text authorities or 911. Here, buses and trains have a silent alarm accessible on both sides of the vehicle. There is also an emergency number for transit police you can text or call.
Intoxicated or not, that behavior has no place in public. He can cool down in a jail cell.
Always a really tough situation depending on locale and context. The reality is you have no idea what someones capacity or attitude to violence may be. I’ve had an acquaintance have his throat slashed for trying to de-escalate a situation that seemed simple… Even if you could guarantee the instigator is alone and unarmed it still only takes one slip up to be paralysed or in a world of legal trouble.
Sometimes with an intoxicated person there’s an opportunity to intervene without direct confrontation or escalation.
Try to get his attention with a smile and ask him if you know him from somewhere. Tell him a joke, compliment his shoes, ask him if he can recommend a good bar in the neighborhood. The goal is just to pull his attention away from the target of his anger and engage with you in friend mode instead.
Intervention doesn’t always have to be about delivering justice to the perpetrator, it just has to be about making the victim feel safe.
I wouldn’t. When I was in my early twenties I intervened on two separate occasions when I saw a man hitting a woman he was with. Both times the man attacked me and both times the man got the better of me in the fight, largely due to the fact hat *the woman helped him kick the shit out of me*. Both times the woman immediately began attacking me from behind after I put myself between her and the man who was hitting her just a few moments earlier. I was young and dumb, and thought that men were supposed to protect women. I was wrong. That’s a lesson I had to learn the hard way, twice, years apart.
But those are just a few anecdotes. Furthest I would go these days is making a report to law enforcement. I don’t intervene, at all, ever. We no longer live in the high-trust society many of us enjoyed growing up in. Remember that the pendulum is swinging further towards a low-trust society before you decide whether or not you want to play the hero.