[serious] girls who remember their parents’ divorce, how was it?

26 comments

1. the cause of it was my father had a candy jar in his office and i walked in ass a kid looking for it but instead found a valentine’s day card. i gave it to my mom to read to my turns out the card was from the other woman who was a family friend. my sister and i were upset only for like a day cause our dad was not a great dude. 12 years later my mom met my now stepdad whose an amazing guy. he went as far to ask for my sister and i’s blessing to propose to our mom and us an absolutely amazing dad.

2. Relief

3. My mom sat us down and told us “daddy isn’t gonna live here with us anymore”, and that was pretty much it. I was three.

4. Very messy and traumatizing.

   My dad was an abusive alcoholic so I was genuinely happy my mom was leaving him (I was 5 or 6 at the time, I believe), but his abusive behavior didn’t stop there, and my mom didn’t make the best decisions which somewhat prolonged his outbursts and added more trauma.

5. can I share my story?) I think yes) my mom and I were fooling around in my room, then she says “Sonya, I have to tell you a secret, dad and I will need to leave for a while.” almost 4 years have passed, dad has another woman, it was clear that this was forever (it was very difficult for me to survive. I probably still want to cry when I think about that day. 01/12/2018.

   upd: my father was not an alcoholic, he never beat me and my mother, they did not get along in character from the very beginning, lived together for 13 years. dad loves me, I love him, in this regard, we are all fine. but he could be less dramatic about what happened

6. It was messy, but a long time coming. My parents stayed married “for the kids” and ended up splitting up when I was 20. They had a bit of an issue mediating through everything but eventually it was official. My Dad had already started seeing someone else even before my parents separated. My Mom, however, never moved on. Even 15 years later she blames him for her situation and issues. She did poison my mind against him for many years leading up to the divorce. And for several years after I didn’t speak to my Dad. But we’ve gotten through it. When his wife died suddenly last May, we grew pretty close. All I can say is that it takes time. Try to refrain from knowing too much about either parent as it makes it harder on you.

7. Unfortunately, my parents waited until I was grown to seperate. They “stayed together for the kids” and made our lives miserable in the process. When they finally split when I was 18, I celebrated because it meant less abuse from them. They’re better apart.

8. A mystery. One day they were together, then they weren’t. We were very much kept apart from the entire process.

9. Long response, sorry in advance!!

   It was weird at first. I was 11 years old and I found out on my birthday my parents were getting a divorce because I found a yellow post-it next to our house phone with something written on it about “call lawyer for parental rights”.
   I remember just reading it, putting it back where I found it and I didn’t say anything to my mom because she didn’t know the post-it was there (or so she claims). I pretended nothing happened and my father didn’t even show up until LATE at night. I made sure I was “asleep” when he got home.

   I don’t remember what time it was he got home, all I remember was it was quite late at night. He came into my room, he kissed me on the forehead and said “happy birthday, my love”. I didn’t move or said anything and I ended up just falling asleep. My birthday’s in June and around August, the divorce was requested, finalized and we ended up moving to the more nothern part of the country, where my grandmother and a few aunts live. I changed schools and I remember being just confused and pretty much abandoned by my father. My mother fought with blood, sweat and tears to feed me and my brother. Unfortunately, my brother had a SEVERELY hard time to adjust (he was only 5 years old at the time) and I remember him crying about wanting my father during nights and my mom trying her hardest to calm him down. Eventually, it stopped when he started to go to school the following year but it was very hard for all of us. My dad – I kid you not – got married to his then-lover-now-wife without telling us the following year.

   A few years after this “event”, I asked my mom if my dad ever explained why he wanted a divorce after 14 years of marriage and two kids. She said that, according to him, he stopped loving her. Then it all came down to – and I kid you not – a fantasy of him of having two women fight for him so he actually expected my mom to just run after him and beg him to stay with her (pretty much like a movie scene) and him having to choose between my mom and his lover (my stepmother). Well: let’s say he now has a miserable life with his wife and he regrets everything (or so he says).

   I’m 27 years old now so it’s been a while but I still think about that day. I think about all the pain, stress, sorrow, guilty and love my mother felt (and still feels) for us. That’s the reason I absolutely ADORE my mother and I aspire to be like her. She never got remarried or even was in a relationship, mostly because of her distrust but because she also says she has found true freedom and her true purpose was us and only us. Now, she is the best grandmother ever and is absolutely enjoying life with us.

10. Should’ve happened a lot sooner. Maybe I could have been spared a shit ton of trauma

11. I was around 6, (now 25) mom just came to me and said dad is going to live somewhere else so I have to chose who I want to stay with. I went to my dad and said I am staying with my mom. He was an alcoholic and once he upset my mom so much that she got ill and I wasn’t allowed to go in her room and see her for a week. My mom worked her hardest to support 7 children, finally got her driving licence and continued her/their business. Dad moved out and found a wife after few years. Everyone is happier. Dad doesn’t drink much and we have a good relationship. My mom hasn’t had anyone since and is just focusing on work and giving her children and grandchildren support and love.

12. It didn’t happen after all 🙃 my mother had an affair that started when I was 12 and I was forced to keep quiet. My dad didn’t find out until I was 17 when I finally cracked and rebelled against her and they “tried” to work it out but geez it was already so toxic. She moved out to be with her so called man and took my 3 younger siblings with her and I stood my ground and stayed back with my dad then started helping him with the legal proceedings and I thought he was fully going through with it when I left for college but 2 months after I moved, he got back with her (really she came back cause that dude couldn’t afford her lifestyle where the man pays all the bills lmao) and their marriage has turned into even worse shambles, she’s still having an affair with the same dude and he knows and now my siblings also know and it’s just a shit show. He says he’s divorcing her every time I talk to him but we all know it’s a lie and the paperwork just sits there again. I always wonder how easier it would’ve been for everyone involved…

13. I was pretty young, so it was really confusing.

14. I was like “yay!” and the judge also joined in and said “yay!” too 😀

15. Traumatizing but necessary

16. It was very emotional to witness. I was 13 at the time and they had never really argued in front of me so I was completely devastated. It’s also when I found out my mom was a serial cheater so it tarnished our relationship. They both could have handled the divorce better but in the end it was eye opening for what not to do in a marriage.

17. Fucking traumatic my parents were nothing but adult children. They were petty and salty and talked shit all the time. I was a game to them.

18. Traumatizing due to the circumstances.

19. Very nasty lol it lasted years

20. initially confused and sad but then i felt relieved

21. Relief and a bit sad.
    There was still love there, but they weren’t good together, so while I didn’t like having just one home, but it was better than them arguing everyday.

22. Them separating was great and should have been done sooner.

    The being shuttled back and forth between two houses sucked ass though.

23. My parents never divorced, they’re just permanently separated.

    ​

    It was ugly as fuck.

    It was a relief when my father left, he was an arsehole.

    But my mothers reaction was to cut her wrist with glass and there was this whole hour-long incident of her screaming and threatening to kill herself.

    I convinced her to go to hospital.

    Leaving my siblings and I pretty much on our own for 2 days.

    Our father would be about briefly during the day, pop in on us like he was pet sitting somebody’s cat. See he was off sleeping with someone else’s wife, he couldn’t hang about.

    ​

    Life was seriously ugly for the next…most of a decade.

    ​

    It didn’t make things better, it just made them a different kind of awful.

24. I’m a woman not a girl. It was a very traumatic event because of a terrible custody battle.

25. I never attended the court since I was 7 but I remember when my mum decided to divorce. My dad was arguing with her and had picked up a vase he was going to chuck at her, she grabbed me and locked me in the bathroom (the lock had a key) I was angry when she did I thought she was doing it as a punishment (as my dad used to) now I realise she was protecting me and ensuring she never saw my dad hurting her. The divorce process put hell on my mum she left with virtually no money and a lot of trauma a mean she married a bald man named Neil 6 years later?

26. Painful, felt abandonment for years. Also I was very guarded around men, I didn’t want anyone reminding me of my dad’s behavior. I’m doing better now after healing, and the best part is I’m not dating someone who is loyal and trustworthy.