I know maybe asking reddit maybe isn’t the best place for this, but some outside perspective could help clarify things.. sorry it’s a little long, I just want to give context.
I F(27) have known this person M(29) for about 6 years now. We’ve become extremely close friends for the past 2 of those and I am so grateful for his friendship. We both became single around the same time and in a group of mostly couples we migrated towards each other for support and friendship.
Recently, things have been weird. Here is why:
He has become increasingly busy with his Masters and he’s still working. I’ve been giving him space (trying at least) because I understand that his studies are priority. We’ve been hanging out less, but that makes sense.
The other reason, which is what is causing some of this emotional confusion, is that he started seeing someone. It’s a long distance thing, so they don’t see each other often, but he’s pretty serious about this girl.
Here’s where I’m at: I fucking love this guy, he has a lot of great qualities and any woman would be lucky to have him. I’ve always been clear I just want to be friends and I really don’t want to jeopardize that, so I don’t know if because of that mentality I just don’t find him physically attractive. Every once in a while I’ll think “wow he looks good today”, but then revert back to “but no, he’s my friend.” I am so confused because now I miss him, think about him a lot, and am feeling somewhat jealous. This could be a result of us not seeing each other as much and some of his time being taken by someone else, or it could be that I have actual feelings for him… help!
I know there are ups and downs in all types of relationships but I’m really sad (and jealous?) because I can feel the distance, mainly from his end.
TLDR; I am having mixed feelings about my best friend now that I don’t see him as often, and he’s dating someone else. Is it real or just circumstantial?
3 comments
So what is exactly preventing you from telling him your true feelings?
Since you are in a point asking yourself if you have feelings for him then yes most likely that is true and its not about the distance or the time, but most important here is to accept that friendship between a male and a female especially at this age can be hard at least at that stage and let me explain further.
My best friend is a woman for the past 10 years she is quiet older than me but still we had a moment of tension between us in the past that ended up with a distance between us for some time, and this is the important point that in this case its up to you that you have to overcome, you cant have both a friendship and your feelings going on at the same time, of course theres nothing wrong in that but it just makes you life more difficult at the time being.
That distance you describe between you mostly from his end might actually be beneficial for you to clear things up. That of course in the case you are absolutely clear that you dont want a relationship, or else maybe a mature conversation at some point might be a good solution, even if it might have its consequenses.
Men and women aren’t meant to be just friends. We experience two completely different worlds / lives and for the most part can’t relate to one another. If you would never want him as a boyfriend then it is only a matter of time before he meets a woman and either moves away from you on his own or his new girl forces him to. Or if you do want him as a boyfriend then you shouldn’t have told him you only want friendship. Think about it… no wife of his is going to be ok with him spending time talking and texting you as “just friends”.