Let me clear up, I’m super shy and quiet, I find it hard to find responses to people talking to me. If I’m not really comfortable with someone I don’t really know what to say other then “ok, or alright”. When I was younger I use to be one hell of a talker/texted. But now I just can’t muster up anything to respond with. I play video games and when there is shit talk I can’t even make some bizarre a insult to throw back at them. It’s like my brain is empty. But later on I’ll think of the situation of the text or conversation and have so many replies that it’s already to late to even reply back cause it would be hours later. (This is with everything not just video games). I feel like I live in my own head more then I do reality, and idk what to do. It doesn’t really bother me, but it does get lonely. I use to smoke weed, I was told by a travel nurse that it mellows me out and I seem happier and more active, more talkative and more down to earth. (I still struggle a lot even when I’m high) it’s almost as if my brain is like forcing itself to be mute or something. But when I’m sober it’s just like I don’t want to talk at all, I don’t want to be bothered with conversation (mainly because idk how to create responses). I also have trouble putting thoughts into words. I havnt talked to a therapist in years and when I had them I never really talked or vented anyway. Im not really sure what’s up. And it’s kinda sad tbh. Sometimes I feel like only my frontal lobe works and the rest is in hybernation.
Edit: maybe I’m scared of the outcome of what will happen? Sometimes I feel so small around ppl even though I’m a 6 foot 180 built dude. Some ppl say my voice is soft others say it’s deep. Ik I’m super quiet when I talk. I could be talking loud (to me it sounds like I’m loud or yelling) but it’s still really quiet where ppl don’t even hear me. Maybe everyone jsut ignores me? Idk at this point.