Throwaway account as I do not want this to be associated to my main.
I recently met up with my long distance partner (M) whom I’ve been in a relationship with for 3 years in last December. Since we had already met up a couple of times prior and our relationship is serious (engaged, wedding plans soon), we planned to have sex. This is something I had been craving since the very beginning of our relationship and so had he as we were both virgins.
We booked a staycation getaway but however when the time came to actually have sex, it was like my body was rejecting his. Some sort of vaginismus I suppose (I also eventually found out I was having a bad reaction to the lube we were using). Thinking back to it, I realized my mental state was also very confused – I have grown up with my parents constantly telling me that sex is forbidden, it is wrong, and finally when it was happening I couldn’t get out of my head. I was aroused mentally but my body wouldn’t cooperate and sometimes when we were doing foreplay and he was pleasuring me I just felt like “Should I be here? Is this right? My parents wouldn’t be okay with this! They’re gonna ridicule me. This feels good but do I deserve this? Can I even be doing this?” – although they had consented to us having a staycation for the two of us, most likely clearly knowing it would lead up to this.
My partner is gone now and we’re back on long distance so I want to use this time to understand what is wrong with me. I truly want to enjoy sex but some part of me feels like I should not be doing it and that it is wrong just because I still live with my parents who taught me that sex = nono.
Any help?
EDIT to add: I do masturbate and try to figure out what pleases me but I always feel guilty after because of religious reasons…
1 comment
I would start with your feeling on religion. Are you actively practicing? If you believe and are stepping outside of what you believe your faith teach is morale. I got no help on how to Goode opposing views at the same time.
If you don’t believe and once you move out of your parents house won’t ever practice, then it’s mostly undoing what you’ve been taught to feel. That’s about thinking hard about what morals, ethics, and your sexuality means to you. I was raised with standard Christian values. I stopped going to church and stuff in college, but only very later was able to see how my sexuality in my relationships was ok. I wasn’t hurting anyone with consensual sex, birth control limited the impact of sex, pleasure is a good thing for both me and my partner, eroticism is good as long as it’s held and enjoyed not forced on others.
As for your parents, if they’re not shit, they love you regardless of what you do. They left you there alone, trusting you to be an adult and make your own decisions. They probably have a preference for how you live, but also realize you’re your own person.