Hey guys, I just need to get this out there. I’m having a really hard time right now and could use some advice and support. Back in October of 2022 I broke up with my girlfriend (F24) and first love of 3 years. She was struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder, and it became too much for me to handle. Many things happened between us that physically and emotionally hurt me from her “episodes”.
Upon breaking up she lost everything. I was her only support. Her family was never loving or supportive for her, so my family provided that for her. She felt she lost her whole family, as well as me. We really had a deep, true love. This filled me with guilt, but not fully because I was prioritizing myself and trying to heal. She began spamming me on all platforms for months despite my constant requests for space. I finally got angry and blew up at her last week.
She sent me hundreds of texts telling me how she only wants me and only wants attention from me and could never imagine having sex with anyone that isn’t me. For some reason I allowed this to get to me and I created some form of “expectation”. I am bipolar, so this constant distress from her not respecting my boundaries sent me into an episode, and I said some really terrible things to her. I wanted to make her suffer for all the pain she had caused me, and I wanted to get her to leave me alone by any means necessary. This really hurt her.
Yesterday I found out from her that she has already had sexual encounters with two people (no penetration, 3rd base). This is okay for her to do because we are both single. But myself I haven’t been able to be intimate with other women because I felt so guilty about it. This news has absolutely rocked my world and sent me into the deepest pit of anguish I’ve ever experienced. I don’t know what to do. I will be meeting with my therapist soon and establishing better boundaries with my ex for a start. But I feel so so horrible. I am lucky to have people around me that love and support me, so I know I’m safe. Please send me some love and advice.
TL;DR: I broke up with my mentally struggling (Borderline Personality Disorder) ex and she’s already moved on to doing sexual things with other people and this has left me heartbroken. Please give advice or ideas on how I can get through this.
2 comments
Different people mourn relationships differently. She’s likely using sex and romance as endorphins to mask her pain, rather than the story that you’re telling yourself, that she’s “move on” and is living her happily ever after.
Do yourself a favor: stop worrying about what she’s doing with who. Not your circus, not your monkeys. She’s on her journey and you’re on yours.
She’s filling the void with others. It’s definitely heartbreaking. I’ve been through it. A break up is life changing. It’s not easy. Ever. Keep your mind occupied. Focus on yourself. Your job. Your friends. Your family. Avoid social media. Seeing others in relationships will bother you. Play video games so you’re focused on the game and not her. Time will heal you. You’ll look back at this and laugh. Your mind is telling you otherwise but trust me, you will get over her.