Are my looks the thing that’s holding me back dating wise?
So I’m a college student[F], but I have had horrible luck dating. I have literally gone on one date this entire year even though I’ve actively been trying to find someone. I can’t lie I’ve been feeling jealous seeing all these people easily falling into relationships but it doesn’t seem to happen for me.
I have pretty good hygiene, a decent fashion sense, I workout frequently and I have tried all the dating apps. I also think my personality is fine (maybe not everyone’s cup of tea, some find me annoying ) and I have a ton of hobbies/experiences. The only thing I haven’t fully committed to is asking men out. That’s because of my appearance. I don’t really think men want to be approached by a funny looking woman.
I think the biggest thing inhibiting my dating life are my looks. The few times I have dated , men seldom want to see me in public or during the day. Im also kind of a butterface (in my mind) so I just get request for booty calls and sex . So all the evidence is kind of pointing to my looks, therefore I wanted to ask is this the case or is it all in my head?
(Before anyone says that I perhaps have high standards, I tried dating someone of similar looks to mine and they said I was barely attractive. Go figure!)
Go wild but not too hard
29 comments
It isn’t your looks as your attractive, it’s the dating app culture in general from having limitless choices of always having the next best looking person. Try IRL dating and see if you fare better. Good luck
You’re young, focus on college the love life will come, just continue to be yourself and someone will fall so fucking hard for you it will make “the wait” so worth it
You are attractive, so most likely your environment plays a huge role here.
Youre cute 😊
Maybe your just extremely picky or the guys you like aren’t into you. You look pretty to me. I would swipe right
Bitch. You’re gorgeous. I’m not so it might not mean much but you’re good, looks aren’t the problem. Maybe search for what the problem is though. Get off dating apps, it’s full of unrealistic expectations and people. Dating isn’t a quick process, it always takes a long time to get the ball rolling with someone. Dating apps just give you the illusion that you’re doing something, all my success (all turned into failures lmao) have been through meeting people in person, be it through friends or by chance like at a party or bar. It is and feels so much more organic and natural, but it just takes more time with that, but it’s time worth waiting for. Only met one girl off tinder and she was pretty crazy, probably the same with dudes or they just want to hook up. Moral of the story. Time.
No one is gone say it to you because they aren’t you. It’s harder for us black women on dating apps, even when you are attractive. When you think about what area you’re in and population, we are not at the top. People here will tell you it’s not about race but they aren’t a black woman. They don’t know what it’s like to be us and try to date when the world is already unkind and cruel to us.
I had guys who wanted to have sex with me and only meet me at night but never serious. I was usually the first black girl they “dated” and I know a lot of them are always worried about what others think or they are intimidated. It’s mentally taxing and exhausting.
Baby you are beautiful, take a break from the apps and try meeting folks in different areas.
You are completely gorgeous
Oh my good so I am going too give you my 100% honest opinion no holds back.
Your bloody gorgeous straitup.
It’s not the looks they are doing you in
It’s the dating culture on apps and mostlikly the age range your looking for.
The thing about us men “most of us anyways” yes age we are adults but mentally we are still teenagers untill our mid 20s 25-26. Is when we start growing up.
I would suggest stay off the apps find a group to join like a sport or something social and pick from the pool directly instead of on your phone.
Ps once again your a fox
You’re damn hot!!!
But honestly it could be a race thing. I’m an Asian man, so I can relate. I have been told that I am handsome by people (including my mom!) but I don’t have much success on OLD. At least not in the Midwest, USA.
Race matters in some areas, sad but true.
Im not gonna lie as a girl I thought you were very pretty when I clicked on this and was surprised.
Try lowering your standards
I am mediocre but fit the typical beauty standard to the point of getting approached a lot and I’ll say, it’s not you it really is men. Men on dating apps to pacify Reddit. Dating is a minefield. They’re not seeing you in the day cause they’re pieces of shit who’re trying to fuck anything that moves or have a girlfriend or both. The whole dating app idea has given new power to that fuckery. Limitless choice, instant gratification and an ability to avoid most responsibility towards peoples feelings just by default gender lottery. Recipe for disaster. You are gorgeous, don’t get filler (comment below) jesus. If you do remember the girls with filler or bigger or smaller thinner fatter older younger better worse are out here on the same apps doing the same dance.
RIP inbox
Your looks are really the opposite of the problem. You’re beautiful! Hookup culture is the problem!!!
I think you look both fire and interesting person from internet perspective. Sometimes even if you are the perfect person you don’t come across perfect people. World isn’t an equal place.
It’s not your looks, you genuinely have attractive features! Dating is hard and it sucks. Keep your head up high and don’t settle
Are you okay? Were you sheltered, neglected and/or bullied as a kid? I only ask because you don’t seem to have an understanding of our society/culture.
Maybe to permiscous girl. Super cute tho shouldn’t have a problem
Ok I’m not as attractive as you but it could be that you probably intimidate a lot of the guys you meet. Trust me dating online is different than meeting people who are a part of friend groups college work etc.
Yeah, it’s the way you look. You’re not the usual cup of tea of most people and maybe because you’re also annoying just like you said.
>I think the biggest thing inhibiting my dating life are my looks.
Girl, what?? You’re hot. Looks aren’t the problem. It seems like: 1. Your self-esteem! Thinking that, above, is problem 1. And, 2. The dudes your self-esteem is making you pick! If you don’t think you’re hot, any dude who throws you a bone will know by your reaction that you think he’s throwing a bone, and treat you accordingly. You need to pick better men. And hold them to a higher standard!
Get on apps that are more geared for relationships vs hooking up. If you want a relationship, swipe more for cute with personality/what you have in common vs. hot with no personality/who knows if you do. Make sure you click and they’re trying to get to know you before you meet in public. Don’t engage with anyone who immediately talks about sex or wants pics (I mean, unless you want to have sex, but also do the other things so it could turn into more than that). Pick men you’re genuinely into and want to get to know, spend time talking and connecting, and *make sure they’re doing the same back*. If they’re not, they’re not into getting to know you, so move on. Usually you can gauge this at the matching/texting stage. Basically, don’t just be into whoever shows you interest, figure out what you want in a partner and look for that. Make sure you meet in public and go on a legit date. You teach people how you’re willing to be treated with what you tolerate, so set some boundaries and bring it all up a level. There are good guys out there, you just have to wade through a lot of guys not looking for anything serious.
You’re an attractive woman but there are factors like age, race, and location that might influence the results.
Also black women on apps are the least swiped on because of racial bias. Don’t misconstrue your looks with your dating options.
Confidence and self esteem is important too. You’re probably better off meeting people in real life. And another thing – don’t use filters for your app profile. Just be your real self.
Your looks? Babe, they wouldn’t be holding you back, if anything, with that body and that face, I suspect men don’t try because they’re insecure. They think you will reject them. Is there anything you can do about it? No. You’re weeding out the losers by existing.
>butterface
You say that word, I don’t think it means what you think it means.
You’re literally STUNNING. Model level stunning. And it’s so heartbreaking that you don’t see that. I know for certain your looks aren’t it. Idk you but I can’t imagine your personality is that terrible either. It’s most likely a combination of your age, race and your confidence. If you don’t hold yourself to a certain standard and are insecure, men sniff that shit out and will try to dog you. Don’t let them. Don’t be available for those booty calls, don’t let people treat you that way. (Unless that’s what you’re interested in but doesn’t seem so)
Before I got into my relationship, I made the conscious decision to go celibate and not entertain anyone who wasn’t looking for a relationship. I didn’t give anyone the time of day that didn’t have intentions to be serious about me. I no longer wanted to share my body with people who truly didn’t care about me or respect me. And 4 months later, I met my boyfriend. We live together now , have a great relationship and are happy! I think that could really help you too. Focus on yourself and growing the love you have for YOU. Once you know your worth and love yourself, you won’t allow others to treat you poorly. And it truly shines through. You’re so much more than a booty call girl.
I’m not going to blame it on dating culture.
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You can be the 2nd most beautiful girl in the world, but if you’re going after the guy with the most beautiful girl then you’re going to be out of luck.
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You’re attractive, but not 10/10 attractive and therefore you can still chase guys that have better options and won’t treat you good. Just how it is.
your mindset is the problem. the world views you how you view yourself. if you constantly keep telling yourself that your looks aren’t good enough, well there you go. the world has conformed to that belief and you are shown evidence of that said belief in your day to day reality. the only thing in your way is you. don’t put frustrations or anger in another man for not liking you etc . it’s not anyone outside of you… it’s you.
You‘re very pretty