Single straight men do you appreciate it or just disregard it when women give you dating advice?

41 comments

  1. It’s pretty contextual.

    So it depends on the advice and it depends on who is giving the advice. It also depends on why they’re giving me advice and if it is unsolicited.

  3. I’ve found that most of the dating advice from women about women tends to not work at all.

    When you’ve already got the relationship, on the other hand, their advice can give you a good bit of insight.

  4. If I’m not requesting it I don’t want it.

    Imo, if a guy is struggling with dating he probably needs a wingman/woman to help get the ball rolling. Or a middle person that connects him with a potential partner provided both people find each other attractive enough to pursue.

    All the dating advice in the world won’t help someone that doesn’t have the confidence to put it into action.

  5. The only advice i would take from a woman in how to date is about how to date her, never about how to do it in general.

  6. Most of the time, i disregard it. No offense to them or the advice but women do not have the perspective of what goes into a straight guy looking for women

  8. With the exception of their mothers, women give men and other women the absolute worse dating advice.

  9. I take a woman’s dating advice close to heart, internalize it, memorize it, press for additional details when possible and basically do everything I can to get as much information from her as possible.

    And then, when it’s time to put her advice into action, I do the complete opposite of what she said to do. And that works pretty well in the vast majority of cases.

    tl;dr- Women don’t give useful dating advice to men. There are no exceptions to this rule.

  10. I’d never take fishing advice from a fish. No just joking, it’s contextual. Sometimes the advice is great, sometimes not.

  11. A straight woman giving advice on how to date a woman I would mostly take with a hefty grain of salt.

    She’s giving me advice on how to do something she has not done, but I have.

    While a person skilled and experienced in a thing can certainly learn from someone with no experience, this is not the rule, per se.

    Women tend to provide advice that’s useless in a few ways:

    1. It’s specific *to them*. Possibly counterproductive in general. From the men’s perspective it’s a numbers game, so “advice” that’s only relevant for one person is useless.

    2. The “advice” would only be relevant for a situation where the woman is already head over heels for the guy. But it’s not good advice for when you’re still figuring that out, which is where advice is actually needed.
    No guy needs advice for situations where the woman is desperate for him, because in these situations it doesn’t really matter what you say or do.

    3. Finally, most women give advice that’s applicable to *being a woman*. This is understandable since everyone approaches life from their lived perspective. But if you’re a hot woman, you can get a boyfriend by existing and saying “yes” to the right questions. Thus you’re going to provide advice that is useless for all men, even the hot ones. Generally women need to learn how to *be* attractive to men, while men need to learn how to *find* and *pursue* women.

    TLDR: no because women and men in straight relationships come at the relationship from completely different perspectives. I can’t use what works for women any more than they can use what works for me.

  13. Women will you advice on the kind of man she wants you to be but not the kind of men she will date/fuck. Like no woman is going to give you the play by play on how to get her or other women.

    Take that with what you will

  14. I appreciate their, willingness to give advice. That being said, I’d say 99.9% disregard bc it doesn’t work at all. What women say they want and what they actually want (as in who they want to fuck) is very different.

  15. A man should only take dating advice from men that are successful with women. You wouldn’t take gym advice from a fat guy.

  16. You can prove me wrong, but I certainly believe that if a person is attracted to you, you don’t really need advice since it will develop organically. Unless you’re impolite/mean, that might probably interfere. That’s why I also don’t really believe in stuff like game/pick up strategies. It all boils down to whether the person is attracted to you or not and no advice/behaviour change will that. That’s if we’re talking about the initial attraction. In this way I tend to basically disregard advice from all persons, even from men. What might work for them might not work for me, due to reasons which are out of my control (like my appearance f.e.)

  17. Yeah no. It’s always “be the nice guy, pamper her, this, that, yada yada” and just go ahead and ask how the nice guys are doing relationship wise and ask her how many felonies her man has lmao

    Have taken “dating advice” in terms of presenting yourself appearance wise. In that terms of “dating advice” that shits usually pretty solid tho.

  18. When I was single, I very much appreciated it because it felt like I had inside knowledge. Now that I’m married, I realized how much of thier dating advice was wrong. When a woman gives dating advice, it’s usually what they like but every woman is different. What a good friend of mine told me about woman isn’t what my wife likes.

  19. I mostly find it condescending. A lot of dating advice comes from people who have been in a committed relationship for a long time and have no idea or concept of what dating is like in today’s world. Unless you have been single within the last 2 years, you have NO business giving anyone dating advice. Your advice will be outdated and simply come across as demeaning, hypocritical and condescending.

  20. In my experience they give better advice about ongoing relationships than like advice about dating and meeting new people. It’s just hard for them to really see the perspective of having no one ever chase after you and having to deal with a ratio of like 1000:1 rejections

  22. Disregard it completely. Y’all say you want all this things but respond the exact opposite.

  23. Women give advice they don’t exhibit a tendency for following.

    I don’t know if it’s idealized? Or if it feels embarassing for them to be brutally honest? But they’ll tell you women need respect, and have boundaries, and that they’re cautious, etc etc, and then cry to their friends that they got plowed by some cute toxic stranger who didn’t call them back. And it’s like… why didn’t you take your own advice? Because they know it’s bad advice, is my theory.

    Ever seen a woman come out in an absolutely terrible outfit, and then watch all her friends lie to her face and call her beautiful or say she looks amazing? I think it’s that same mechanism.

  24. Someone Posted the following question to an AskMen years ago:

    “Question: What’s one thing that, if more women experienced, you feel would most improve their understanding of what it’s like to be a man?”

    And here was the most popular answer (I find the very last sentence particularly interesting):

    “I think women vastly underestimate just how uninvolved they can afford to be in the process of dating, courting, and relationship maintenance. The baseline narrative of male-female dynamics in society as a whole is one that perpetuates the idea that men are the ones who act, and women are the ones who are “acted upon.” Regardless of what you think, men and women alike actively reinforce this narrative through virtually all their words, actions, and expectations.

    For so many women, relationships are something that “just happens,” (i.e. – *to them*.) Taking an active role in making them happen just isn’t a reality that a lot of women need to face.

    An example:

    A man “just happens” to be at the same bar/coffee shop/etc that the women in question is at. The reality is that the man has probably gone through a lot of research and trial and error in order to figure out where the good places to meet available women are.

    The man “just happens” to approach her and strike up an amusing conversation. The reality is that he has probably invested a great deal of time and effort into alleviating his approach anxiety by weathering a lot of rejection. Not only that, but he has probably been busting his ass trying to improve several facets of his overall demeanor.

    The man “just happens” to coax her to the dance floor or a change of venue. He “just happens” to lean in for a kiss. The reality is that he has probably run through this routine dozens of times, and because of this he has developed a good sense of reading how these situations progress. Regardless, it’s still **on him** to make that move and risk not only rejection, but his reputation as well.

    The man “just happens” to ask her out. The reality is that he’s spent the time to build up enough experience to know where the best places to go are and what the most successful date plans are. On that date, they “just happen” to have similar interests and senses of humor. The reality is that he has probably been through similar lines of discussion with plenty of other women and has developed a good sense of understanding how to create a good rapport and sexual tension.

    Afterwards, they “just happen” to go back to his place, he “just happens” to have some drinks to share, they “just happen” to start making out, they “just happen” to wind up in the bedroom, and so on and so forth…

    The whole process is one of men acting, and women being “acted upon.” I don’t think women realize the amount of effort, pressure, and calculated risk that goes into the ordeal. Just listen to women recount memorable nights and dates. Everything, from their perspective, “just happened” to them. Women rarely have to put themselves out there at this level, and I think it is something that they are simply not aware of due to the fact that they *don’t have to be.*

    That’s probably why women tend to give such horribly ineffective dating advice. It requires a perspective that many of them have never had to acknowledge.”

  25. Personally I think most PEOPLE suck at advice.

    I used to watch a show called Radio Free Roscoe. In an episode, one of the guy main characters (Ray) asks the girl main character (Lily) for help with dating. Lily goes hard and gives him actionable advice about his wardrobe, style and his overall courting and dating process. It worked so well that Lily developed a full on crush on Ray but per sitcom rules, he ended up getting attention and dating someone else.

    It is a show but the characters didn’t fall into the basic trap most advice givers fall into. She did not assume that the women were already attracted to him. She did not give relationship centered advice. She was not subject to virtue signaling. She did not pepper him with too many platitudes. And it was clear that some aspects of dating are just out of your control.

    That’s generally the standard I look for in dating advice from anyone. If someone is giving me advice and it doesn’t start with developing attraction, probably not gonna go too well.

    I will say that women are very good at picking out specific things that turn them off. If they can’t articulate why though, I ignore it.

  26. If it’s how to understand women in a relationship: appreciate.

    If it’s how to meet and attract women: disregard.

  27. Any dating advice i get from anyone is either-

    1. Obvious advice that applies to everyone, or

    2. Deeper advice that they’re wrong about, because they don’t know me well enough.

  28. When I was single, I’d get unsolicited advice from co-workers, I’d nod politely and thank them for the advice.

    Their advice came from a place of kindness, a desire to help. I’m not gonna be a dick about it.

  29. We just have to recognize the usefulness of the source. Women can explain a lot of things that don’t make sense…. They can give you plenty of insight on how women think. But they usually give bad advice about how to attract women outside of aesthetics. I not only listen to women when they talk about thought processes or what they are physically attracted to… I actively seek it and bounce questions off them.

    They aren’t an isolated observer. As long as you realise that she isnt telling you what behavior attracts women…. but what she finds herself wanting more of…. Then you can take it for what it is. Chances are she was attracted to guys who got a chance with her for other reasons…. Ironically, she is more likely to tell you what those guys didn’t have to do to get in her pants…. Because that is what is on her mind that she wishes was done more. Guys that never attracted her are just plain invisible to her…. So she won’t even think of them when she gives advice.

    Women also almost never take a man’s effort or interests into account… Maintaining the perspective that she has innate value and is always worth it. This can heavily taint the advice as well. Prize mentality is a thing.

    So yeah…. If she’s telling me what made her notice a guy in a bar, then I’m all ears. If she is telling me how to attract women by telling me what she wishes more already attractive men would do… I’m taking it for what it is…. Not good advice about how to attract women from an unbiased observer. When a woman tells you that she wishes men were nicer… The real truth is that she’s telling you that you don’t need to be nice to get with her.

  30. Usually disregard.

    Things aren’t standardized enough for really any advice to work.

    Some like to be flattered.

    Others like to be left tf alone.

    Some like attention.

    Others like to be admired but again, left alone.

    Some love small talk.

    Others despise small talk.

    Some want you to read the signs and approach when you’ve decoded the fact that that like you, or will be upset if you don’t crack the code.

    Others are blunt and will just tell you (I love these types).

    Some are in between wanting long term and just want you in their bed.

    Others are stuck between wanting long term and just having others in their bed, to the exclusion of you.

    Some are stuck between wanting a traditional relationship and the various types of situations where basically everyone sleeps around openly while the two of you “nest” together.

    Others aren’t sure if their strong worldview and opinions have room for your simple traditional approach, even if they like you.

    There’s a whirlwind of possible variations. Blanket advice hasn’t ever worked. Everything is a case by case scenario. Also, most certainly possible for someone to run up and down the ladder of these scenarios at any time, among other scenarios not even mentioned.

  31. In one ear out the other

    The general problem is you have to find a woman that

    a – understands you

    b – is not going to subconsciously or consciously sabotage you

    c – understands dating from the male perspective

    Most of the advice women give comes down to how they would like to be treated by men who they have zero sexual attraction to.

  32. Never had success with it. Half of it was just “be yourself” and the other half was just vague platitudes that the girls say

    “I just like to have fun. Be fun”

    Best dating advice ever: watch the movie *Waiting*

    A guy asks the question, and two of the girls answer in the best way possible

  34. The only advice I’ll take from women is styling and grooming. Why? Cause that has actually helped my game, and I feel more confident too.

  35. Usually disregard. But there was one woman whose dating advice I followed, and that led me to my wife.

  36. The advice is accepted but with a grain of salt. Some of it is legit and yet some of the advice seems like it was designed to fail.

    Good example: I was raised by a house of women and have always been a little too in touch with my feminine side. I am the guy that will treat you like a princess, Ask and respect your opinion, buy you random gifts and pull the chair out for you at restaurants (NOT MCDICKS). And yet despite my best efforts I have remained dateless for a decade. Yet every day I see the ‘bad boy’ with a girl on his arm. I see the jock with what amounts to a harem following him around. And yet, every woman I have asked “why?” Has said: ” women always go for the bad boy but they stay with the nice guy ” ….. when?

  37. What women say they want vs their actions when it comes to dating are two very different things.

  38. General advice? No. Never.

    But when she goes “Oh… Amy is hoe. You don’t want any of that.” I listen.

  39. I used to consider it, but the older I get the more I realize the last person you should ask for advice on dating hetero women is a hetero woman. They will tell you what they want personally, but not what they actually react to. Every embarrassing and upsetting misunderstanding has been the direct result of following a woman’s dating advice.

  41. You could ask the same woman for advice 10 times and depending on her mood, you’d get 10 different answers.
    Hell, you could ask her twice in the same day and you’d get 2 different answers…..

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