\- talking about other people a lot (even about close friends)
\- not being able to act happy for others when they’ve achieved a success
\- often reacting very cynically of new ideas or plans people have
\- never asking how others are doing
\- having trouble talking about serious topics
\- comparing a lot (if you tell them something about yourself, they compare it to an aspect of their own life)
\- easily feeling disadvantaged when people don’t give them the attention they need
\- being very focused on hierarchies and having a strong preference for powerful people
\- always being concerned with how they are being perceived by other people (often in hierarchical terms, like ‘am I important to others?’, ‘what is my position in this group?’)
\- taking on different personalities in different groups (different voice, different way of talking etc)
I know someone who acts like this but I know she’s not the only one. Just wondering: what could be behind it? Is it just insecurity? I mean… I’m also insecure sometimes but not at the expense of others.
5 comments
Insecurity, plain and simple. Everyone has them, insecurities, but not everyone can deal with them in an appropriate way.
Does it matter WHY?
I avoid negativity, and the people who bring a lot of that. Period. I don’t study them because why bother?
Biological traits that assisted survival throughout history. Being social and accepted into groups is how people have thrived. Some of it is just a selfish focus as well. Often times these people are weak, afraid, and lack self confidence on the inside so they look outside to others.
You’ve described my classmates LOL. I find that a lot of times they do this because they’re deeply unhappy with their lives. And when people are extremely unhappy it’s easy for them to feel like they’ve been wronged. Because in their minds they feel like they have done so much for others, when that might not be necessarily true in other peoples eyes.
>talking about other people a lot (even about close friends)
They have nothing else to talk about.
>not being able to act happy for others when they’ve achieved a success
Might be jealous or a pesimist.
>often reacting very cynically of new ideas or plans people have
Pesimist/nihilist.
>never asking how others are doing
I personally tend not to do it because i don’t want to prod/butt in into their personal lives. When someone mentioned that they were doing x, then i will ask how it went.
>having trouble talking about serious topics
I tend to need more time (can be even few hours) to process information (which incluedes rereading the topic), ponder about the topic, maybe even research it a bit and formulatin the answer in an understandable manner. Which is not possible to do in vocal communication.
Also it’s hard to talk about topics upon whom you don’t have information.
There are also topics upon which person don’t want to talk about (maybe they have trauma about it).
>comparing a lot (if you tell them something about yourself, they compare it to an aspect of their own life)
I do it to show that i understand your experience as i have experienced a similar thing.
>taking on different personalities in different groups (different voice, different way of talking etc)
In marketing one needs to adapt the message to their target audience. Different groups can be perceptive/understanding different communication manners, thus if you want to be understood you try to talk in a way that they understand. We are also social aminals, thus we tend to adapt the quirks of the group we are in in order to cultivate social cohesion.